The Divine Realm, Asura Hall.
In the dimly lit hall, the bewitchingly beautiful Rakshasa God slowly turned to look at the vacant-eyed Asura God. "Was I pushing you too hard?"
"Very hard," Asura God replied with a serious nod.
"Get lost!"
Only then did Rakshasa God realize her words could be taken the wrong way. She kicked him hard.
"Hey, hey, hey! You asked me a question. What gives you the right to kick me?"
"You're his dad."
"And you're his mom! If it weren't for you, how would Doudou have ended up like this?"
"I'm warning you, Lin Qingqing. If you make Doudou unable to inherit my Asura God position, you and I are going to have a problem!"
Even though Lin Qingqing, the Rakshasa God, was his wife, Asura God showed her not the slightest warmth.
Lin Qingqing, the first-generation Rakshasa God, immediately bristled. "Oh, really? So this is your true face, Asura! You've been plotting this all along, haven't you?"
"I'm telling you, Doudou can only inherit my Rakshasa God position. You can keep your Asura God position for yourself."
"Impossible! My Asura God position is stronger!"
"Hmph. If you're so strong, why did you end up beneath my skirts?"
"I... That was an accident. I'd had too much to drink, so it doesn't count."
"Yeah, right. Nobody else gets drunk, but you do? I think you'd been plotting to get me all along, hadn't you?"
"I wasn't."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I never thought you'd be like this, Asura. You look so respectable, with those thick brows and big eyes. You're always saying, 'With no woman in your heart, your sword will become divine.' But it turns out you're this kind of person.
"So that's why you were always at odds with me. You liked me but were too embarrassed to say it, huh? Pah! You lust after my body. You're despicable!"
"I'll say it again! I didn't! I never did! This God King did no such thing!"
"Oh, still putting on your God King airs, are you? If you're so capable, go take care of Doudou!"
"..."
In the nursery just on the other side of the wall,
Five-year-old Chen Doudou heard their argument and covered his head in despair. He sighed. "Ah, here we go again~"
"I really can't take these two rebellious parents anymore."
Five years ago, Chen Doudou had transmigrated here.
At first, when he learned he'd transmigrated to the Douluo Continent, he'd been happier than anyone.
After all, people might joke that Douluo was the floor tile of the fantasy genre, but if you could have supernatural powers and live forever, who wouldn't want that?
However, it didn't take long for Chen Doudou to realize something was wrong.
Because this Douluo seemed to be different from the one he knew.
What did they mean, his father was the first-generation Asura God?
What did they mean, his mother was the first-generation Rakshasa God?
What did they mean, Tang San hadn't inherited the Asura God position?
What did they mean, the gods had stopped the battle at Jialing Pass because the Divine Realm was short-staffed?
What did they mean, the Shrek Seven Devils, Qian Renxue, and Bibi Dong had all ascended to the Divine Realm?
What did they mean, Spirit Hall hadn't been destroyed?
There were far too many questions, but Chen Doudou had no time to investigate them. He was too caught up in the joy of his life's circumstances.
His father was Asura God King, the fearsome man who'd cut down the Dragon God with his sword, and his mother was the Rakshasa God.
He could practically walk sideways!
But after only a few days of excitement, Chen Doudou began to regret it.
To sum it up in one sentence:
A murderous dad, an evil mom, a broken home, and a helpless him.
His parents had clashed even before they got married, and they really couldn't stand each other.
Both wanted to raise Chen Doudou in their own way.
Asura God wanted Chen Doudou to inherit his Asura God position and solve problems through slaughter.
Rakshasa God wanted Chen Doudou to use his brains and learn to solve problems with schemes and trickery.
And they spent every day filling his head with all sorts of evil ideas.
For example, Asura taught him to slaughter an entire city and absorb the victims' blood to cultivate.
Or Rakshasa taught him to use all kinds of underhanded schemes to screw people over, including using Soul Beasts to possess powerful people and using aphrodisiacs to lure innocent women into secret chambers... and so on.
After more than five years of nonstop brainwashing, Chen Doudou's little mind finally couldn't take it anymore. He went completely mad.
Yesterday, when he'd been babbling and drooling, he'd scared the wits out of Rakshasa God and Asura God.
"If Heaven gave me the chance to start over, I'd definitely transmigrate into that old geezer Destruction God's family."
"I want so badly to run away, but I just can't~"
Chen Doudou sighed and groaned. He wanted so badly to escape his birth family.
Just then, a crisp voice rang out in his mind.
[ Ding!] [The host has been detected wanting to escape his birth family. The Personality System is now awakening.] [The host may choose to obtain a Kind Personality. After obtaining it, he will receive twin Mutated Martial Souls: the Kindness Asura Holy Sword and the Life Rakshasa Holy Scythe. They will automatically become available after his Martial Soul Awakening. Confirm?]
Chen Doudou didn't hesitate. He immediately chose to confirm. "Confirm, confirm, confirm right now! I can't take this anymore!"
[Congratulations, host! You have awakened the Kind Personality!] [Kind Personality: No matter what you face, you will always resolve it in the kindest way possible!]
As a brilliant, warm beam of light slowly entered Chen Doudou's mind,
the Kind Personality awakened!
One thought could lead to heaven; one thought could lead to hell!
Chen Doudou opened his eyes again, a gleam of wisdom flashing in them.
He understood.
Light was the righteous path, and kindness was the only right way forward.
So, the next second, he kicked open the doors of Asura Hall and spoke beneath the astonished gazes of Asura God and Rakshasa God. "Oi! Rebellious dad! Rebellious mom! Look at me! I have something to announce to you!"
"The road to the light is destined to be strewn with thorns!"
"Since ancient times, loyalty and filial piety have been hard to reconcile. Your son has been unfilial!"
"Evil thoughts are dead; kindness shall rise!"
"From now on, I won't be the God of Evil Thoughts! I'm going to be King of Kindness! I'll ask Sister Life to be my godmother! I'll inherit Sister Kindness's divine position, and I'll have Sister Angel Qian Renxue teach me how to cultivate!"
Rakshasa God's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She wore the exact same dumbfounded expression as the gold-star emoji.
At that moment, Asura God's eyes were as clear as a college student's.
Does anyone understand what this is like?
His son, the son of the leader of the evil-thoughts faction, had woken up from a nap and announced that he wanted to become the godson of his sworn enemy's wife?
The next second, Rakshasa God came to her senses and turned to Asura God. She blinked, as if to say, "He's your son. Aren't you going to do something?"
Asura God's face instantly flushed red. He panted like a bull. "You little bastard! Who did you just say you wanted to be godson to? What kind of king did you say you wanted to be? Say that again!"
Chen Doudou clearly hadn't realized how serious this was. He still held his head high, looking terribly proud. "That's right! I, Chen Doudou, am going to be King of Kindness's man!"
As soon as he finished speaking, Asura God and Rakshasa God exchanged a look. Their faces instantly turned cold.
One pulled out an Asura-branded belt, while the other took out a Rakshasa-branded hairband.
The kid had grown up. It was time to give him a proper childhood~
Asura God: "Get him!"
Rakshasa God: "Get him!"
When it came to dealing with their rebellious child,
even Asura God and Rakshasa God, who'd opposed each other for hundreds of thousands of years, reached a startling agreement in that moment.
They had to set him straight and turn him evil again!
How could the son of an evil god become a god of kindness?
Seeing them suddenly stare at him with malicious grins, Chen Doudou panicked. "Wait, rebellious dad! Rebellious mom! What are you doing? Don't come any closer!"
The next second, belts came whipping down with a crack, spanking him like a sizzling pan full of meat.
Golden-threaded meat buns came with them too.
"I'll show you, rebellious dad! I'll show you what happens when you ask Life to be your godmother! 'The road to the light is destined to be strewn with thorns'? Today, I'll show you how thorns are forged!"
"I'll show you, rebellious mom! I'll show you what happens when you ask Angel God to teach you how to cultivate! Today, I'll let you see what it means for life to be plunged into darkness!"
That day, Chen Doudou thought he saw his great-grandma.
Before awakening his Kind Personality, his life had been a riotous, multicolored black.
But now, he felt that his life had gone completely black.
Meanwhile, the exact same scene was playing out in Sea God Palace.
"Rebellious dad! I'm telling you, just because you're Sea God doesn't mean I'm afraid of you!"
"I, Tang Wutong, am going to become Spirit Hall's Saintess!"
[Notice to readers: This book's ideas are extremely absurd, including but not limited to: Jiang Nannan joining Spirit Hall as a child, Ye Guyi becoming Spirit Hall's Saintess, Bibi Dong bringing back the Secret Chamber Douluo...]
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