Warhammer 40K: The Jokester Who Saves the World
Chapter 28

Quack! Don't Cut It!!!!

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For the past few days, a rumor had been circulating through Blackwatch: Ace, the former 4th Company captain, had been caught cheating while playing cards with the other Dreadnoughts and gotten beaten so badly that his coolant pipes burst. To make matters worse, the Primarch, who was in a foul mood, spotted him and dragged him straight to the lab, where he shaved off Ace's flashy green hair and left him bald.

The Blackwatch Marines, who treasured their hairstyles as much as their lives, were so terrified that they stopped cheating at cards.

Ace, the subject of the rumor, really had been shaved bald, but it wasn't because Hogg had lost a game.

Ace had been unlucky. During the battle for Aiers, the 4th Company had been the main force on the front lines, and the entire company had been wiped out. Ace had survived only because Blackwatch's powerful regenerative abilities had kept him clinging to life. After all, the intense heat of plasma was the perfect counter to these warriors who could heal from almost anything. The sky-darkening barrage of plasma fire had utterly destroyed Ace's body, leaving him amputated from the neck down.

The good news was that he could still fight for the Gene-Father and spill his own motor oil. The bad news was that he had to say goodbye to his torso. After an excessive bout of self-castration, the veteran Ace was put into a Dreadnought and assigned to help Ginny, the newly appointed 4th Company captain, manage the company.

But now even my one remaining flashy hairstyle is gone. Ace, who had grown a new body but was still soaking in a life-support pod, thought to himself.

For the past few days, Hogg had been holed up in the lab, working to boost the firepower of the basic squads and platoons.

By combining the Imperium's standard weapons and ammunition, he had cobbled together a single-soldier rocket launcher using Predator Missiles, intending to issue several to every soldier to increase their firepower. He had spent the rest of his time improving the Tactical Dreadnought.

To be honest, a Tactical Dreadnought was just a life-support suit for a disabled soldier. Some Space Marines were so badly mangled that they could no longer fight in Power Armor and could survive only with the help of life-support equipment. Such warriors might be placed inside a Dreadnought—an iron coffin—to keep fighting.

In truth, being interred in a Dreadnought was a different kind of torment. It wasn't like the cybernetic implants in Cyberpunk 2077, which provided perfect service. The Dreadnoughts of Warhammer were actually quite crude, and their pilots would eventually be driven insane by all kinds of things. And the Dreadnoughts of 30K weren't anything special, either.

Hogg knew the general improvements Dora-Cawl had made to the Ultramarines' Tactical Dreadnoughts in the distant future, so the initial modifications were easy. The crude life-support systems were upgraded to be more comfortable and more humanlike, while the Lizardmen's efficient cooling system replaced the Imperial version, which overheated after intense combat.

A set of Greenskin shield generators was added to the thicker armor. The standard heavy bolter and Plasma Rapid-Fire Cannon were more than adequate, and the design was modular, allowing more weapons to be added later.

The real challenge was the fragile life-support pod. Even when the pilot's pod was encased in thick Plasteel, if the Dreadnought was badly damaged, the helpless pilot couldn't escape. But a pilot who could escape had no need to enter a Dreadnought in the first place.

After much thought, Hogg decided to break out of his test-taker mindset. A Dreadnought could only be improved so much. He needed to repair the people instead.

Imperial technology could easily turn Ace, who had only half a body left, into a cyborg version of Kamen Rider. Some Tech-Magi might even have less flesh and blood left than Ace did.

Hogg decided to embrace change, cut costs, and improve efficiency. He would fully optimize labor costs, identify the value in the Imperium's technological structure, and let Blackwatch soldiers enjoy the kind of human fantasies people had in the 3rd millennium.

In short, Hogg, a master of biological modification, had used his own flesh and Xenos technology to create a flesh womb.

According to Hogg's genetic programming, all you had to do was feed enough nutrients into the entrance, place a damaged biological body inside, and pull the enormous red lever at the side. The missing parts would then be printed.

Of course, the new limbs were relatively fragile and might not be as strong as the originals. But with enough rest and nutrition, they could return to their former condition.

Hogg had actually had the technical ability to cobble together this kind of living device before. But the moment he thought of Chaos corruption, he had abandoned the plan. Then he seized enough Necron Technology and Blackstone materials on Coral, making it possible to develop the idea after all.

[Flesh Reshaping Chamber Model G01] A five-by-five-by-five-meter cube, with an outer shell made of Blackstone. An independent triple-linked power unit supplied energy to the miniature Pariah Nexus it housed. The shell had been precisely machined using CNC equipment, and the dark red Psionic Energy that occasionally flickered across it added to its air of sophisticated elegance. Inside, it used standard genetic coding technology. All you had to do was insert the specified biochemical organic materials and provide a steady power supply for one standard Terran day to receive perfectly printed limbs.

The experiment was a great success. Ace, who had been reduced to a head, had regained a body. However, to become a Space Marine again, he would still need to undergo nineteen surgeries and have Gene-seed implanted.

But then came the most fucked-up problem: now that Ace was whole again, Hogg couldn't exactly cut him apart and put him back inside a Tactical Dreadnought.

It was right then that Hogg, who had worked himself into a furious mood, spotted Ace crouching in a corner with his new body, giggling stupidly. He promptly shaved Ace's little green crew cut down to the scalp.

Seeing Ace look as if his father had just died put Hogg in a much better mood. But then he remembered that he was Ace's father, so he shaved his head once more and circulated the ugly photos to the entire Chapter.

"The Dreadnought modification plan from earlier needs another revision." Hogg sighed, feeling a little better.

The dismantled Dreadnought floated in the air as scarlet lightning flashed. Its scattered components reassembled, and its cables connected one by one. Now that the people could be repaired, Hogg planned to modify the Dreadnought into a gigantic powered exosuit.

He replaced the original life-support pod with a crude cockpit installed in the center. Once a Space Marine with an implanted Black Carapace sat inside, a neural interface would connect to their nervous system. A programmed system would control every movement of the Dreadnought, just as effectively as the old direct-link system. The heavy armor and shields would still be mounted in front of the cockpit.

Imagine thinking you'd scrapped the enemy's Tactical Dreadnought, only for some giant bruiser to burst out of it and start a second phase of the boss fight. That would be pretty interesting.

With his remaining time, Hogg adjusted the Tactical Dreadnought's manufacturing parameters one by one to fit the Imperium's existing production processes. After all, the Imperium's Forge Worlds couldn't fabricate things from thin air like he could. Standardization was essential for every weapon, and this one was sure to become a mainstay of the Chapter's infantry.

"Father! Can you let me out now?" Ace, who had been soaking in the life-support pod until he was swollen, asked pitifully.

For some reason, seeing Ace's pathetic face always annoyed Hogg. It definitely wasn't because Ace had cheated at cards while playing against him. As Hogg walked up to the life-support pod and looked at Ace, an idea suddenly struck him.

"Ace! You know most of the 4th Company are new recruits, and they really need an elite like you to help build them up. So, for the sake of your future work, I've decided to give you a hand and help you fit in better with the female soldiers."

Hogg opened the life-support pod and considerately handed Ace a towel.

As Ace wiped away the residue on his body, he was overjoyed. Father really does love me. He hurriedly asked, "Father, how are you going to help me?"

Patting Ace on the shoulder, Hogg led him to the Flesh Reshaping Chamber, looking every bit like a kind old father. Out of Ace's sight, he jabbed a syringe of fast-acting sedative into his neck.

"Father, what are you doing?" Ace, now a mere mortal, quickly passed out. In his final moment, he asked the Primarch standing before him.

"Don't worry, kid! The surgery will go perfectly. When you wake up, the 4th Company will have a brand-new Battle Sister."

"Quack! No! Don't cut it! I was wrong! I'll never cheat at cards again!" Hogg showed no pity for Ace's screams and kicked him straight into the machine with one mighty boot.

"Quiet!" Hogg, his face dark, began entering the data, ready to make his little Ginny a pleasant-looking assistant.

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