Doma Residence.
Second floor, study.
Sogo Doma sat in his newly purchased massage chair, one hand supporting his forehead...
Life was a coffee table piled high with cups. You never knew which cup you'd pick up next.
"Unlucky!" Sogo Doma cried, one hand still on his forehead, delivering the declaration of some harem-loving fiend. "Honestly, what's Umaru getting angry about? She really is a foolish little sister. That's it. Even if she apologizes, I'm absolutely not forgiving her—unless she comes bearing tea to apologize!"
Three minutes earlier.
An excited little dumpling had been eagerly anticipating the moment she'd get to read the message her idol had written for her. Sure enough, just like Onii-chan Sougo had said, life was full of joy.
And then.
She opened the cover and read the signed message. Umaru Doma froze solid.
What did it mean, "Even though you got Onii-chan to call himself a perverted scumbag, I can tell, Umaru, that your Onii-chan is a kind person"?
What on earth had Onii-chan said to Utako Kasumi?
Come to think of it, what kind of impression did she, Umaru—no, Umaru Doma—make on Utako Kasumi? A troublesome, unreasonable girl, right? Heh, definitely an unreasonable girl.
And yet.
Some clueless Onii-chan was still showing off.
"Umaru, you saw that, right? Even words can't hide the radiance of Onii-chan's humanity. Hmph, hmph."
Being misunderstood by her idol was already painful enough. But when Umaru saw that her Onii-chan wasn't even reflecting on what he'd done and was acting unbearably smug instead, she snapped.
"Onii-chan, idiot! You're so insensitive! You're such a blockhead!" Three furious shots in a row.
Then she pulled a face at her Onii-chan. "Umaru's going to play games. Onii-chan can go work and become a corporate slave. Bleh!" She stuck out her tongue.
"Bang!"
Without another word, Umaru Doma went into the living room (game room) and shut the door.
Sogo Doma stood there, completely dumbfounded: "..."
Was it her time of the month?
Sogo Doma was a transmigrator who'd lived two lives, but it was no use. He still hadn't learned how to be considerate of a girl's delicate feelings.
In the living room.
Although she'd said she was going to play games, Umaru Doma wore an utterly frustrated expression.
"Ahhh... where did Onii-chan even run into Utako Kasumi? That idiot Onii-chan is always saying all sorts of things that have nothing to do with anything. Umaru just didn't want Onii-chan to..."
"That idiot Onii-chan. Now Utako Kasumi must have a terrible impression of Umaru, right? Heh, hehe..." The little dumpling looked a little broken.
"Wait!" Suddenly, the little dumpling seemed to spot something important. The blind monk was on his way.
"Whether it's the signature or the message, they were both written to UMR. What does that have to do with me, Umaru—no, Umaru Doma? Wahahaha... I really am a genius!" Umaru Doma was back to full health.
And then.
"What's Onii-chan doing now? He suddenly said he was going to work. It must be tough, right?" Revived, Umaru felt a little worried.
"Ah, whatever. Onii-chan will figure something out. I'd been planning to show off to that Erina, but it looks like I can't now." Umaru Doma murmured to herself as she looked at the signed book in her hands.
She gently turned to the next page.
Umaru Doma's eyes widened.
"To UMR: You were right. Your Onii-chan really is a super pervert, but he's still a good person, I suppose? (Confused)"
"Hahaha... Onii-chan's true nature has been exposed. Utako Kasumi really is something! I, Umaru Doma, gaming guru UMR, never make mistakes." Her expression changed in an instant, and she looked completely confident. If Sogo had seen her, he'd have said she was putting on another one of her over-the-top faces.
"Hehehe, what's Erina up to? Now I can show off to her. Secretary brought her this book, but Erina can't put it down either. Heh, heh." She gave an ominous laugh.
From starting up the computer to connecting to the internet took less than half a minute.
For 2011, it was an absolutely top-of-the-line setup.
"Twitter, Twitter... let's see..." She moved the mouse as she muttered, "Found it. Here it is."
She logged into her Twitter account.
U,M,R
Did you know?
There isn't a single game that can't be beaten. But do you know who beat them first?
Bio-Zombie
Dino Riot
Dark Fire-Linking
Countless games that people considered the very definition of suffering had been conquered first by the gaming guru U,M,R. She'd uploaded videos, showing people that beating them was possible.
Next.
U,M,R turned to competitive games: Anti-Terrorist Cop, Red Alert, and Star Alliance. Finally, there was the MOBA game Heroes Here.
And yet.
No matter what the game was, nothing could stop the great U,M,R. Whatever she played, she was sure to reach the top.
She perfectly embodied one saying:
I came, I saw, I conquered. I am U,M,R.
But who could have guessed that UMR's true self was a little dumpling?
Leaving that aside.
Umaru clicked on Erina Nakiri's Twitter account. "What's this girl been up to lately? Come to think of it, she's played King of Fighters that I gave her, right? If she hasn't, then when I visit Totsuki next time, she'd better be ready for me to beat her up. Hehehe."
She opened the latest post. It was a food recommendation.
"Tch, I bet it's not as good as Onii-chan's cooking..."
She quickly scrolled past it.
At last, Umaru found the book review.
"Um, did Utako Kasumi really think that much about it?" Unlike Erina, Umaru had been trained by Sogo. Reading the review, she couldn't help feeling that someone had deliberately...
Ahem.
"But Erina really does love this novel. Hehehe..." Having realized that, Umaru Doma let out another sly laugh.
With a flurry of keystrokes, Umaru Doma's hands became a blur.
And then.
On Twitter.
U,M,R@God's Tongue: "Erina, I have a signed copy from Utako Kasumi! Wahahaha..."
At that moment, the internet exploded.
"What? Even the great U,M,R is reading this novel?"
"Give me all the information on that novel in three minutes!"
"Guru, don't slack off! Leading us through new content is what matters!"
Some had read a little of it.
"Sayuka's great, gentlemen. I like her a lot. Anyone want to draw their sword?"
"Mai's the real goddess. The rest are heretics. Come on, let's hear it!"
"Sayuka and Mai are the perfect match, if you ask me. Naoto, could you please go die quietly?"
"Agreed, Naoto should die. If being kind worked, I wouldn't have been single for thirty damn years."
"All the frustrating bits are because of Naoto. I'm begging Utako Kasumi to kill him off. A car crash, cancer—anything incurable will do. I want to see Sayuka and Mai fall in love."
"+1"
"+10080"
Totsuki Resort, Erina's residence.
"Hisako, will this really keep the novel from getting axed? Senpai Doma wouldn't lie, would he?" The blonde, tsundere girl had no idea how much influence she had in otaku circles.
Secretary... Hisako looked at the tens of thousands of comments on Twitter, which were still piling up, and the corner of her mouth twitched.
"Lady Erina, tens of thousands of people online have already said they want to buy the novel. As long as the people at Fujimi Bunko aren't fools, they won't axe it!"
"Really?" Erina replied, only half convinced, since she didn't really understand how these things worked.
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