"Onii-chan really is popular, huh? I heard everyone at the dojo misses you. Did you do something for them back then?" Watching Sogo Doma's expression return to calm after that unsettling smile, Umaru Doma buttered him up as she asked what she'd been wondering.
A glimmer of thought flickered in Sogo's eyes, then he smiled and brushed her off.
"Hmm... probably because those guys are all idiots."
Only idiots would miss each other after parting.
Sogo briefly closed his eyes, thinking to himself, Those guys, Hijikata and the rest, sure have some nerve...
But...
Wait...
No, the conversation had already been derailed by that little dumpling Umaru. Since he could leave Hijikata aside, the real issue was her high-society-lady act!
Sogo finally realized. "Umaru, let's put the stuff with Hijikata and the dojo aside for now. Um, why are you still keeping up this high-society-lady act at home?"
He'd hit the nail on the head.
Umaru felt cold sweat running down her back.
"Actually, we could keep talking about Hijikata..." Her little face paled slightly as Umaru made one last desperate attempt. "I think what Onii-chan used to say was right. Hijikata, go die! Hijikata, go to hell!"
Watching the dumpling girl drenched in cold sweat, Sogo's smile grew darker. "My foolish Imouto, even now you still won't come clean? Do I have to send you over to Taihei?"
At that,
Umaru jolted in alarm and curled up into a little dumpling.
Seeing this, Sogo raised an eyebrow and thought, I've seen it plenty of times, but it still feels incredible... As expected, taking this good-for-nothing little sister to the Celestial Empire is definitely the way to go. Only when she's surrounded by River Crab Divine Beasts can she feel secure!
While he pondered, the little dumpling Umaru had already started rolling around.
"No, no! I don't wanna go to Big Brother Taihei's! You're the only Onii-chan I have, Big Brother Sougo..."
"Umaru..."
Hearing those words, Sogo felt tears well up in his eyes. His kindness toward his good-for-nothing little sister had paid off. Still, it was suspicious that the dumpling Umaru kept up her high-society-lady act at home!
But before he could voice his doubts, Hamster Umaru began spilling everything!
"If I went to Big Brother Taihei's, I wouldn't be able to spend money on games whenever I wanted..."
Sogo felt his forehead tighten.
"And Big Brother Taihei's cooking is pretty mediocre. Compared to my Onii-chan Sougo, one of the Elite Ten at Totsuki, it's clearly on a whole different level. If I went over there, I'd definitely get an eating disorder..."
"Erina also often makes me report on Onii-chan Sougo..."
As one fact after another came out, Sogo stood there dumbfounded. After a long silence, he finally roared in anger.
"Umaru, give me back my touching moment!"
The hamster-like Umaru opened her eyes. "Ehehe?"
She activated her skill: Umaru's Stare. Under that gaze, no matter what Umaru had done, Big Brother Sougo would forgive her. It was a powerful move that couldn't be used too often, lest he become immune.
Stay calm, stay calm.
Keep your heart clear as ice, and you won't be shaken even if the sky falls.
Watching his good-for-nothing little sister stare at him, Sogo silently recited his calming mantra several times before managing to put on a bright smile. In the gentlest voice possible, he said, "Umaru, answer one very important question for me. Why have you been keeping up the high-society-lady act all day?"
Umaru Doma: "..."
She really didn't want to say anything more about it. But then she saw her big brother's face growing darker by the second...
"Ehehe, it's nothing, really. I just spent a little money on a game." Umaru tried to sound cheerful.
Sogo looked completely bewildered. "Huh? You only spent money on a game, and you—"
Wait.
He remembered something. As a transmigrator, he'd never been short of money, but after buying this house in Tokyo, he had only a little over five million yen left. And after he'd taken his good-for-nothing little sister away from the family without permission, their old man had told him he'd have to support himself from now on!
Just how much had his good-for-nothing little sister spent? He had to know.
At the thought, Sogo turned around with a grim expression. "Umaru, how much did you spend today?"
"I got married to my in-game wife today, so I wanted to give her a nice set of gear. I, I spent five million yen. Hehe..." Umaru, still in her high-society-lady mode, tapped her index fingers together and didn't dare look up.
"M-m-m-married..." Sogo clearly hadn't registered how many yen she'd spent. But the word married had left him stunned.
As if struck by lightning, Sogo rose to his feet, his face ashen.
"Umaru, O-Onii-chan never raised you to be this kind of person. M-m-marriage... Isn't it too soon for that? And why are you the one buying him gifts...?"
Sogo buried his face against his knees, feeling as if he'd taken countless critical hits.
He'd raised his little cabbage so carefully, and now a wild boar had come along? This was outrageous. The world really ought to be destroyed. Destroy it, Sogo!
Sogo was gradually turning dark...
"Onii-chan, what are you thinking?" Watching Sogo stare blankly into space, Umaru explained in confusion, "It's a game! A game! A virtual marriage in the game!"
"Huh?" With that reminder, Sogo came back to his senses a little. "It was virtual..."
"And the person I married is a girl. She's so bad at the game, but I'm UMR! Even if I'm carrying a noob, I can still win!"
Sogo was fully alert again. "A girl?"
"Yeah, yeah. We've already talked over voice chat. She only knows how to play a healer, but she's got such a wonderful personality. If she were a boy, there's no way she could be like that. If it were you, Big Brother... heh."
Umaru let out a strange laugh.
If it were her big brother, he'd probably be hunted by the whole server on the first day. Then he'd turn around and hunt the whole server himself?
"I see, so it was an online-game marriage... Heh..." Sogo smiled again. All right, maybe the world could stay after all.
But!
As if he'd suddenly remembered something, Sogo turned back with a sinister smile.
"Umaru, we need to have a serious talk about the five million yen you spent..."
The little dumpling Umaru: "Ehehe?"
After a chaotic commotion,
Sogo sat facing the dumpling.
"Umaru, do you remember what I told you yesterday?"
"What did Onii-chan say yesterday? Didn't we play fighting games together?"
Sogo: "..."
"Think properly! I mean what I told you when we moved here..."
"Spend money while you can?" Umaru thought for a moment, then pointed a finger at Sogo.
Hearing that,
Sogo's mouth twitched.
What the hell did she mean, "spend money while you can"? Who said that...?
Wait.
He really had said that!
Still, at a time like this, those words gave Sogo a headache.
Wait!
No, that wasn't it...
He'd almost let his useless little sister derail the conversation again.
"Umaru, I mean what I told you after we got settled in!" Sogo asked with an unsettling smile.
Umaru tilted her head, puzzled.
"After we got settled in, didn't Onii-chan and I play games all day?"
Before you continue