Umaru Doma looked a little confused, but answered honestly. "Our first meeting today was pretty awkward..."
At that, Sogo Doma raised a hand to stop her. Awkward? How could it have been awkward? As long as his little sister didn't look like a dumpling, there was no way it could be awkward!
Hijikata must have done something. He definitely had! As expected, that man deserved to be poisoned to death with mayonnaise. A cancer on the world! If Sogo didn't kill him soon, he was pretty sure he'd end up destroying the world. He wasn't joking. He was serious!
"Umaru, did that guy Hijikata ask you to do something that made you feel awkward?" As he thought it over, Sogo gave his useless little sister an even more amiable smile.
Perhaps realizing something was wrong, the dumpling-shaped Umaru finally spoke up. "Onii-chan, who do you think is responsible for all this?!"
As she spoke, Umaru pointed at her face.
"Who drew all this stuff on my face in the first place?! And why am I on leave, staying at home? If I hadn't taken time off to stay home, I wouldn't have gotten carried away and spent money on the game..."
Listening to Hamster Umaru's complaints, Sogo rubbed his chin and took another close look at his little sister. Delicate features and a natural goddess-like air, even without dressing up. She had excellent natural looks. That was good. She took after him.
Of course.
That was ignoring the little turtle drawn on her left cheek.
The tic-tac-toe grid on her right cheek.
The big circle over her left eye.
And the square on her forehead, among other things.
Ignoring the doodles, little Umaru had grown into quite a beauty!
Come to think of it, who had drawn those doodles? Sogo rubbed his chin and fell into thought...
"Onii-chan, you drew all over your precious little sister's face, keeping her from going to school..." Hamster Umaru finally began to put two and two together.
Oh! I did that? Sogo clapped his fist into his palm, suddenly enlightened. The root of all evil had been found. But... why not play dumb? Heh.
Wait!
"You foolish Imouto, have you forgotten who challenged the Great Demon King yesterday and lost twenty matches in a row? Which foolish Imouto said the loser had to have a mark drawn on their face?"
Umaru Doma: "..."
How was she supposed to know her big brother was that strong? And not only was he strong, he'd gone ahead and doodled on her face without caring whether she had school or not. What was she supposed to do? She was desperate too!
Still, she had won one round. Thinking about her big brother's self-introduction today filled her with glee. Her big brother was great in every way, but...
He hadn't even been at Totsuki for long, and that Erina!
Thanks to her big brother, Umaru and Erina were good friends. That was how Umaru knew that, even though Erina gritted her teeth whenever her Onii-chan came up, looking like she wanted revenge for being toyed with...
But.
Hamster Umaru knew it wasn't that simple. Erina had deep feelings for her big brother. Even Secretary knew it, but Erina kept avoiding the issue.
Damn it! Her big brother had been so useless before...
And such a sadist...
He'd even promised that this time, he'd be the one to protect her!
So why did he have to go and attract other women?
Luckily, Hamster Umaru had beaten Sogo yesterday. That was why she could make Onii-chan do as she said. With the opening line she'd given him, well, not just the girls—even the boys probably wouldn't go near him.
It might have been a little too much, but her big brother was clever. He'd surely find a way to fix things. She had proof: what happened when Onii-chan went back to elementary school after waking up!
So Umaru felt that... she'd scored a crushing victory!
Coming back to herself, she looked at Sogo, who was still pretending to be clueless.
Hamster Umaru wore a plaintive expression, and... just as she'd expected, under the limited-edition puppy-dog eyes, her Onii-chan caved again. The clueless look vanished from his face. "Umaru, what happened today? Please, you have to tell me!"
"Today..." Hamster Umaru fell into her memories.
About two hours earlier.
"Ding-dong, ding-dong..." The noisy doorbell woke the girl, who was curled up like a dumpling. "Who is it?! Can't you see I'm one step away from beating the king in Devil Sword Dance?!"
The girl murmured in her sleep, still playing the game in her dreams!
"Ding-dong, ding-dong..." Her sleep-talking did nothing to stop the doorbell. It kept ringing noisily.
"Jeez, I'm coming, I'm coming. Onii-chan said we hadn't told anyone we were moving here..." The girl rubbed her sleepy eyes, went to open the door, and put on a smile. "Sorry, we don't need any newspapers or insurance..."
As everyone knew, in Japan, there were a ton of people who came to your door trying to sell newspapers or insurance.
Umaru could guarantee that her smile was definitely meant to turn them down.
But in reality...
"U-Umaru?" Mr. Hijikata, a handsome man who could rival any rising young star and had a cigarette dangling from his lips, stared at her in a daze.
"..." Umaru Doma remembered something.
"Hehe, you've got the wrong person. I'm not me. Who are you looking for?" The hamster Umaru panicked and tried to play dumb three times in a row, only to give herself away. What did she mean, "I'm not me"?
When she finally realized, she hurriedly tried to shut the door.
But...
Hijikata was a strong fighter, trained in the dojo for years.
After finally getting inside, Hijikata took a deep drag on his cigarette. "Umaru, what's that on your face? Is it bullying? Has school bullying really gotten this bad?"
Umaru forced a strained smile and thought, Does getting doodles drawn on my face after my own Onii-chan wiped me out in a game count as bullying?
"Does Sougo know about this?" When Hamster Umaru stayed silent for a long time, Hijikata pressed on, looking anxious and angry.
Umaru Doma: "..."
Know? How could he not know? He'd drawn them himself!
Awkward...
Umaru felt the atmosphere at home had become extremely awkward. If she told the truth, wouldn't the furious-looking Hijikata cry from embarrassment? He definitely would...
Still.
The truth always came out eventually. Umaru could be pretty honest sometimes, especially when she was complaining.
Then.
Hijikata said, "S-sorry. I really didn't know this was something you siblings did for fun. The bullying and all that..."
"It is bullying! It's Onii-chan bullying his adorable little sister!"
As they talked, Hijikata looked at Hamster Umaru again and tried to make excuses for someone. "Ahem. Sougo can be a little too much sometimes, but artistically speaking..."
After taking another close look at Hamster Umaru, Hijikata crouched down, holding his head. "I can't. My conscience won't let me make up..."
At that moment.
Hamster Umaru thought her big brother had been right. Hijikata, just die already! What did he mean, "your conscience"? Wouldn't it be better for a creature like Hijikata to stay in the Sanzu River?
Ignoring that emotional outburst.
Hijikata grew serious. "I just heard that Sougo dropped out of Totsuki. Was there a reason? Even if it's Totsuki, if it's that guy Sougo..."
"Well, Onii-chan said he doesn't want to talk about Totsuki. And he said moving here was something he'd thought through carefully. Is something wrong, big brother Hijikata?" Umaru tilted her head.
Looking at the hamster's innocent face—ignoring the stains—Hijikata took a sip of tea. "Never mind. I'd meant to remind him to keep an eye on you. There have been a few delinquents in this area lately. But there's no need to worry too much. I'll take care of it, just like your brother did back then. I'll bring this area completely under the Kondo Dojo's jurisdiction again!"
After another sip of tea, Hijikata got up to leave. But after a moment's thought, he added,
"When Sougo gets back, tell him this time, I—Toshiro Hijikata, the Demon Vice-Chief—will carry the name of the Kondo Dojo!"
When he reached the door, he paused, then turned back.
"Umaru, tell Sougo that since he's back, he should visit the Kondo Dojo when he has time."
Before you continue