Today I Finally Understood Who I Am

Outside the tiled-roof house, Ning Wan'er's smile looked strained—so much so that it was almost rigid.

Clearly, handing over so many spirit herbs all at once was agony for this greedy little green tea.

But she had still brought them...

Staring at Ning Wan'er in shock and disbelief, Li Muyang felt dazed for a moment.

What the hell... This was unbelievable.

Had he not woken up yet?

Ning Wan'er, the green tea who always took and never gave, hadn't just refrained from swindling him this time—she'd actually made a huge sacrifice of her own accord.

Li Muyang stared at her in shock.

Ning Wan'er glared at him and said, "Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not giving these to you for free. I'm only lending them to you for now."

"You have to pay me back later."

The girl tried to make that point clear.

Li Muyang sighed. "Got it, got it. I'm borrowing these from you, and I'll definitely pay you back."

As he spoke, Li Muyang ushered Ning Wan'er into the house.

If it was just a loan and not a gift, that did fit his impression of this little green tea... Or not!

In his memory, the little green tea Ning Wan'er had always swindled other people. There was no way she would let anyone take advantage of her.

By his rough estimate, these spirit herbs were worth more than all the money Li Muyang had been swindled out of before.

And the Ning Estate in Jiuyuan City had long since fallen on hard times. Its decline was plain to see, and it was an open secret throughout the city.

Li Muyang even believed that Ning Wan'er's father, the head of the Ning family, couldn't come up with this many spirit herbs.

Who knew this little green tea was a secretly wealthy young lady, with a fortune stashed away?

Though most of that fortune had come from Li Muyang...

With complicated feelings, he ushered Ning Wan'er inside. As the two girls began talking, Li Muyang sat in a corner, took out his alchemy cauldron, and started refining medicine.

Li Yuechan's condition was growing more and more serious.

Though half the demonic energy had been removed, it was still corroding her body.

She often fell unconscious now, and spent a third of each day trembling all over from pain.

She had little time left when she could lie awake and rest.

Ning Wan'er softly comforted Li Yuechan and chatted with her for a while, but before long, Li Yuechan was too weak to stay awake and drifted off.

Seeing Li Yuechan suddenly close her eyes and fall asleep when she had been talking just a moment before, Ning Wan'er grew anxious.

"Mu... Muyang, Yuechan, she..."

Ning Wan'er jumped up in a panic and called out to Li Muyang.

But Li Muyang, busy refining medicine in the corner, shook his head. "Don't worry. She just fell asleep."

"The demonic energy is corroding her flesh and soul. Yuechan is very weak now."

Watching the spiritual liquid slowly form in the medicinal cauldron, Li Muyang let out a long breath of relief.

He got up, poured the refined liquid from the cauldron into a bowl, and filled it about halfway.

Only after the liquid had cooled did Li Muyang carry it to the bedside and carefully feed it to the unconscious Li Yuechan.

After Li Yuechan swallowed the liquid, the black line on her wrist shrank by a third.

Seeing this, Ning Wan'er hesitated. "Is it still not enough...?"

Li Muyang fell silent for a moment, then smiled. "This is already very good. Yuechan should be able to keep her hand now."

"Before, her whole arm below the elbow was red. Now only a few red spots remain."

"Judging by how much demonic energy is still there, some flesh on her arm and shoulder will rot away. But she'll keep her hand intact. Afterward, she'll just need to rest for a while and let the rotted flesh grow back."

Li Muyang added, "And I've already been thinking of a way to get more. Maybe in a few days, I can find some more spirit herbs. In any case, thank you so much, Miss Ning."

Li Muyang looked Ning Wan'er in the eye, earnest and sincere. "You really came through for us this time."

Though he had been biased against and hostile toward the little green tea, that prejudice had faded now that Ning Wan'er had come to him of her own accord to "lend" him the herbs.

Li Muyang used to think the little green tea was a bad person. Now he realized she wasn't even a bad person at all.

Though it felt a little strange, she had somehow become rather endearing.

Li Muyang smiled from the bottom of his heart, no longer feeling any hostility toward the girl before him.

Under Li Muyang's smiling gaze, Ning Wan'er suddenly felt her heart pounding violently for some reason.

U-unbelievable!

Why did Li Muyang suddenly seem so much more likable?

Even after saying goodbye to Li Muyang and leaving the little tiled-roof house, Ning Wan'er still felt her heart racing as she walked alone along the narrow mountain path, far from the house.

"I must be going crazy..."

Feeling guilty, Ning Wan'er walked along the mountain path and secretly glanced back.

For some reason, the moment she heard Li Muyang thank her so earnestly, she had felt as if a thousand-jin burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

It was as though she had received some very important approval.

Though, in her eyes, the young master of the Li Estate was nothing but a stupid sucker.

Even now that he had grown sensible and mature, he was still just a sensible sucker.

She shouldn't care about the thanks and approval of someone like him.

But that feeling she'd had just then...

Ning Wan'er gently pressed a hand to her chest, feeling her heart beat beneath her ribs. A trace of bewilderment flashed in her eyes.

"Could it be that I actually hate swindling money out of him...?"

She had wanted to go farther and climb higher, so long ago she had told herself she had to cast aside her conscience and shame. She had to treat everyone as a stepping stone, trample them underfoot, and climb ever higher.

She wanted to leave Jiuyuan City, this backwater little place, and go somewhere her parents had never even been. She wanted to become a true person above others and see sights no one in Jiuyuan City could ever see.

Someone like her shouldn't have lent Li Muyang the spirit herbs she'd been saving for so long.

After all, once she lent them to him, who knew how long it would take him to pay her back?

She shouldn't take that kind of risk.

But...

"So I can't really be a bad person after all."

Ning Wan'er gave a self-mocking smile.

The feeling of relief she'd had in the house finally let her see into her own heart.

Though for the past few years she'd kept hypnotizing herself, swindled a lot of money, and become a materialistic schemer in other people's eyes,

she had always thought she didn't care about their disdainful looks.

But in that moment, she became completely certain—she did care, far more than she'd imagined.

That was why Li Muyang's change in attitude had made her feel so relieved.

Because ever since she came to the Demon Refining Sect, she had been afraid of one thing: that the now sensible and mature Li Muyang would come to his senses and look down on her...

That was why, at this critical moment when Li Yuechan had been injured, she had steeled herself and brought Li Muyang the spirit herbs she'd saved up.

That kind of behavior was practically an attempt to atone, as though she were deliberately trying to curry favor with Li Muyang...

"I'm really ridiculous."

Having finally figured it all out, Ning Wan'er gave a self-mocking smile.

"I've always wanted to go farther and climb higher, and I've even been willing to become a scoundrel to do it. But deep down, I hate acting that way."

"The real me is a fool who wants to rise above everyone and trample them all on the way to the top, but doesn't want to get her own hands dirty and is too concerned with protecting her reputation."

"...How laughably naïve!"

In this world, under the rule of the demonic path, how could anyone climb higher and rise above others without getting their hands dirty?

But...

The girl on the mountain path softly breathed out, a cold glint flashing in her eyes.

At that moment, she finally understood her own heart.

If she really had to be a bad person, then she would be a thoroughly wicked, heinously evil villain.

If she didn't want to swindle and cheat for a few petty gains like she had before, then she simply wouldn't do it.

Those petty gains weren't worth getting her hands dirty!