It had been almost half a month since Renegade Immortal ended. I'd been saying there would be an afterword, but I just couldn't get into the right mood. With the New Year drawing near, I sorted out my thoughts today and decided to write a few casual reflections first.
Renegade Immortal took me more than two years to write. Looking back, I have so much to say.
I still remember the first month of Renegade Immortal. I remember having just over ten thousand favorites, while my subscriptions were downright pathetic. But Er Gen didn't give up. Drinking beer with bloodshot eyes, I told myself that even if I was a flop, I'd be damned if I didn't finish the entire story.
I threw caution to the wind and wrote!
Back then, Er Gen was a newcomer, lost about the future and lost about life. I would stare blankly at the sky, full of ideas and dreams, but in the end, as I watched my beard grow thicker and thicker, all that remained was helplessness.
I didn't want to give up. I wanted to persevere. That was what I told myself in June, two and a half years ago.
The theme of Renegade Immortal is defiance. For me, too, it was a struggle against the odds, moving forward step by step in pursuit of something. There was so much hardship and uncertainty along the way.
I still remember the curses, the scoldings, the venomous words, so much of it... But I also remember your comfort, every one of your heartwarming messages...
Several times, I looked at all the familiar names in the reviews, at the many Meng lords, at the surging monthly votes, and happy tears streamed down my face. Truly, they did.
Thank you all. Thank you to every reader of Renegade Immortal, and thank you to the head moderator and all the deputy moderators who served over the more than two years the book was being written!
You could say that as I wrote Renegade Immortal, I grew too—not just as a writer, but in my thinking. Wang Lin's Dao was like me writing about my own Dao.
Life and death, karma, reincarnation, the true self.
These ideas weren't in the outline. As the story unfolded, Wang Lin and I pursued them together, little by little. A person's life lasts less than a hundred years, but thought alone can roam without end. I've always believed that thought is what defines us.
Two and a half years is a long time to spend on something, and I couldn't bear to let it end. In the days since, I've started feeling unwell, as if a string that had been stretched tight for more than two years suddenly went slack, leaving my whole body limp.
I'm still coughing, and my chest feels tight.
A person may live through many stretches of more than two years, but I know that I'm content with the two years that were mine. I'm happy, because you were there with me.
I grew a lot while writing Renegade Immortal. I went from awkward beginnings to a more practiced hand, and almost every month brought some new insight. But I know the book still has flaws. For example, I'm terrible with numbers and always make mistakes from one part to the next...
A lot of fellow Daoists know about this...
I'd write that someone was at the third level, then turn around and say they were at the fourth. It drove me crazy too. My memory was playing tricks on me...
I had plenty of other shortcomings, and I've made note of them all. I'll do my best to avoid them in my new book.
Even the sentence breaks in Renegade Immortal often made the reading feel awkward. I doubt I'll ever manage to fix that...
Also, I remember that my vocabulary was limited. I used phrases like "sneered," "his eyes flashed," "snorted coldly," and "stepped forward" over and over again. I'm a little embarrassed about it.
Writing a book of over a million words makes it hard for Er Gen to be perfect. I hope you won't mind.
Still, I do have my strong points~~ lots and lots of them, hehe.
At the very least, I think I did a pretty good job with the characters. I won't claim that every supporting character worked, but most of them did: Situ, Qingshui, Hong Die, Zhou Yi, Thirteen, Big Head, and others.
That's something I'm quite pleased about.
I have too many strengths to list them all and pat myself on the back. You know how it is~
All in all, Renegade Immortal had both flaws and strengths. It was far from perfect, but it was the best I could do at this stage. I'll try some different approaches in my new book and keep pushing myself to grow. (I seem to have used the word "push" quite a bit, too.)
Renegade Immortal had many holes in the plot, and quite a few were still unfilled by the end. I even dug a few more at the very end. I thought this over, but ultimately decided to leave them as they were.
I've always felt that a novel needs some regrets. If they aren't in the characters, then they should be in the plot. In fact, some of those holes can be answered by looking at the story and thinking it through.
For example, one of the beads was missing from the Heaven Defying Bead. The answer was given at the end: the missing one was Tian Yunzi.
For example, if there was a white bead, then surely there should also have been a black one. The black and white beads were answered in the final chapter, on that chessboard.
For example, the earliest mention of incense having poison was explained through the Mourning Clan. I just didn't say it outright.
There were plenty of others. Take the East Arrival Sect, for example. The story had an answer.
But there were also some holes I never resolved. I want to leave those stories for Wang Lin, who stayed with Li Qianmei on the Immortal Astral Continent, to uncover.
Or the hidden mysteries in the Cave Abode World. I plan to leave those for the Wang Lin who stayed with Mu Bingmei to search out.
Likewise, I left you fellow Daoists two questions. The first is Wang Lin himself.
Wang Lin was by the side of Li Muwan, Li Qianmei, and Mu Bingmei, but which one of those versions of him was the real Wang Lin? I imagine most fellow Daoists would answer in unison: Li Muwan.
But if you think about it carefully, perhaps that isn't the right answer.
Maybe it really was Li Muwan. Or maybe it wasn't...
Of course, if it wasn't, then Wang Lin's lifelong struggle and persistence might seem absurd. But there are things we can't know, because we aren't Wang Lin.
At the very least, I can't tell. Rationally, I think the one who left with Li Muwan was the real Wang Lin. But when I think about Li Qianmei's story, and Mu Bingmei's story, I suddenly find myself lost. Which one was really him?
I want to leave you fellow Daoists with this uncertainty.
If you were Wang Lin, which of these three women would you choose to stay beside?
Everyone will have a different answer.
I want those who like Li Qianmei to believe that the one who stayed by Li Qianmei's side was the real Wang Lin. Likewise, I hope those who like Mu Bingmei will firmly believe that the true Wang Lin stayed in the Cave Abode World that had given him life and raised him.
And I hope those who like Li Muwan can believe without hesitation that the one who left was Wang Lin.
There is no answer. I don't have one...
Perhaps only Wang Lin himself knows the answer to this question that has no answer.
This was Er Gen's first truly completed work, and also his first xianxia novel. I've always felt that xianxia novels have no ending. I didn't want to write some ridiculous ending about Wang Lin becoming the greatest being in the universe.
I wanted to write about a man of flesh and blood, a man who followed the defiance in his heart and walked a path against the heavens.
Cultivation has no end, so I wrote about a Fourth Step, a Fifth Step, a Sixth Step, and perhaps even more. It was a long road.
That represents a person's pursuit and perseverance, the rise of an ideal and the gaze fixed on what lies beyond. Like footsteps pressing onward, it would never stop, but keep moving forward.
Renegade Immortal was only one part of Wang Lin's life, the earliest part. He would have many more lives after that. They simply wouldn't be written in the book; they would roam freely in our imaginations.
I like to think, and I hope that from time to time, when you're bored or something moves you, you'll let your imagination wander for a moment. It's a wonderful feeling.
The starry sky is vast. When I look up at the night sky, I know Wang Lin is only a story, but the defiance within him is something I lack. So I'll write a character like him to tell myself, to remind myself, and to give myself something to aspire to.
I'm here on the web, and so are all of you.
Like that game of chess at the end... that question and answer.
"Do you understand?"
"I understand."
But Wang Lin understood, and the Guardian understood. I still don't.
Life is a dream.
This was the first part of my reflections. There will be a second, and perhaps afterwords from the other characters too. I can't promise, but if inspiration strikes, I'll write them.
For example, Situ, Qingshui, Hong Die, Zhou Yi, Thirteen, Zhou Ru, and others...
Even though I spend less time online now, I'm still here with all of you fellow Daoists.