This Old Man's Going to Suck Hard

As the mist cleared, the temple gates slowly swung open. An old woman in white robes, a bright red night pearl atop her head, narrowed her eyes. Wisps of smoke curled from the long-stemmed pipe in her hand.

"Pathetic. You're all creatures who've lived for nearly a thousand years, yet you let a little fox brat lead you around by the nose. Even the Sharingan's genjutsu didn't work."

"Hmm... The demon fox inside you really does resemble the Nine-Tails. But the Nine-Tails is sealed inside a woman now. That ominous, loathsome aura... You're clearly hiding a secret."

The White Snake Sage puffed on her pipe. The mist shrouding her body quietly dispersed, revealing her true form.

Her body was coiled high, and the stone bed—large enough for dozens of people—could barely accommodate her head and neck, along with a small part of her upper body.

Her orange hair hung loose, and the dark green cat's-eye gemstone on her chest was dim and dull, its divine power concealed.

A purple silk band served as her Forehead Protector. A scarlet night pearl as large as a millstone glimmered faintly atop her head. Her body was far longer than those of the three divine maidens of Ryūchi Cave, yet her presence was almost nonexistent.

"You're so annoying! You old hag, why did you go out of your way to bring me here?"

In an instant, the three divine maidens—Tagorihime, Ichikishimahime, and Tagitsuhime—were thrown into a panic. They hurriedly bowed and apologized.

"We're so sorry! Lord White Snake, please forgive this ill-mannered child. Just give us a little time, and we'll teach him how to behave."

"Never mind. It's been a long time since I've met a brat with such an enormous amount of chakra and such an interesting personality. You're an interesting Uchiha brat, so make sure you hold on. Don't let the Natural Energy turn you into a snake."

"Otherwise, you'll become food for every snake in Ryūchi Cave. Understand?"

A trace of amusement flickered in the vertical pupils of her orange eyes. The White Snake Sage slowly opened her jaws. Drops of saliva, brimming with vitality, dripped from her thick, sharp fangs and corroded the stone floor.

"Now, let's see how much Natural Energy you can handle, little Uchiha."

Her fangs pierced his neck. Unlike chakra, the surging, abundant Natural Energy poured into him. Even the Black Nine-Tails, pretending to sleep in his inner world, had to look around.

"What a strange power. Is this the Natural Energy you mentioned? Little Uchiha, it can make this great one's chakra dozens of times stronger. This strange power..."

The Forest Courtyard vanished in an instant. Under the influence of that terrifying vitality, plants and trees grew wildly. The Black Nine-Tails suddenly spread an invisible force, making all the vegetation disappear.

At that moment, ripples spread across Heart Lake as the countless waves of Natural Energy flowed into the lake and the Black Nine-Tails.

"Is that so? I have no desire to become snake droppings. So no matter how much Natural Energy there is, I'll gladly take it all. Here it comes!"

His vision shifted. The notification in the corner of his eye made Hanazuki's mouth twitch.

[This month's check-ins are complete. Daily check-in successful. Monthly check-in starting...]

[Character Check-in: White Snake Sage]

[Abilities: Invisibility, Transformation, Thought Waves, Sage Mode (Ryūchi Cave)]

[Random draw in progress... Check-in successful. Today's reward: Invisibility!]

[Special location detected. Current location: One of the Three Great Sages' Ancestral Grounds—Ryūchi Cave. Location check-in triggered...]

[Location Check-in: Ryūchi Cave]

[Acquired exclusive trait: Sage (Snake)]

[Sage (Snake): You can freely control Natural Energy and sense chakra and living beings. The White Snake coiled among the mountains and forests will one day shed her skin and become a true dragon.]

The grim expression behind the mask abruptly turned to delight. The White Snake Sage, still pouring Natural Energy into Hanazuki, felt the intense joy radiating from him and was secretly surprised.

His emotions are changing so intensely, yet he can still absorb Natural Energy without a problem. Is this boy a ninja born to practice Sage Mode?

But the White Snake Sage's inner turmoil had yet to settle. What happened next made the emotions of this thousand-year-old serpent surge even more violently.

I thought character check-ins were already unparalleled. I never imagined there could be something even better. You can check in at locations, too?

Ever since he'd met so many exceptional geniuses, Uchiha Hanazuki had often felt depressed over not being a genius himself.

He hadn't started out invincible, beaten the filial son, Yellow Weasel, or kicked the Konoha F4 into the dirt, taken the Hokage's seat, and gotten the naive Kaguya pregnant with quadruplets. He felt deeply ashamed.

Acquiring the Sage trait let Uchiha Hanazuki's senses perceive a world he'd never known before. The chakra and Natural Energy within him could now easily reach a balance.

Just as Uchiha Hanazuki was about to stop and calm his excitement, a sudden notification made his delight instantly turn to ecstasy.

[Consecutive check-in successful. Time flow detected. All check-ins for this year have been completed. Annual check-in starting...]

Huh? There are daily and monthly check-ins, and now there are annual check-ins too? At this rate, will a W... show up next? Surely there isn't one of those.

In the blink of an eye, the water turned a deep blue. In Hanazuki's inner world, the Black Nine-Tails felt so refreshed that he couldn't help stretching luxuriously.

"Brat... No, Uchiha Hanazuki. I never thought there was a power in this world that could make it react. So this is the so-called Natural Energy?"

"Listen, you can't let this opportunity slip away. It'll be hard to find another chance like this. This great one's going to suck hard."

Suddenly, the White Snake Sage, who had been steadily pouring Natural Energy into him, felt an unprecedented force sucking her Sage chakra into a bottomless black hole.

"So the White Snake Sage is nothing special after all. Don't tell me this is all you've got. If you want me to enter Sage Mode, this little chakra won't be enough. Who'd have thought I'd be spending New Year's in Ryūchi Cave?"

"What's going on with this chakra? This terrifying amount feels like I'm facing the entire world! The White Snake Sage of Ryūchi Cave can't let an Uchiha brat look down on her!"

The White Snake Sage barked an order. Tagorihime, Ichikishimahime, and Tagitsuhime immediately opened their jaws. Their sharp fangs pierced his limbs, pouring the Natural Energy inside them into him as well.

"I'm sorry, darling. I'll try to be as gentle as I can..."

"You really are the man I had my eye on. I never expected even Lord White Snake Sage to have trouble keeping up. She actually had to call on us for help."

"The Natural Energy coming next may be beyond anything you can imagine. If you can't take it anymore, be sure to cry out so we'll know. Heh heh heh..."

His eyes, once stark black and white, had transformed into intricate Mangekyō Sharingan. Strange black-and-purple markings quietly spread around them.

[Annual check-in successful...]