Men and Monsters in Droves, a Scrawny Mare Ashore

Lü Daoist cried out in pain as a small, thin figure hurriedly scrambled to its feet, trying to flee elsewhere.

But Lü Daoist was quick of hand and eye. Enduring the pain, he grabbed the man and began raining punches on him.

The man did not resist, only hugged his head as pained whimpers escaped his mouth.

"I'm forty-eight this year. Though I pride myself on being exceptionally gifted and still hale in old age, I can't withstand you tormenting me with a blade!"

As he beat the man, Lü Daoist cursed loudly:

"I've always been the one stealing from others. How dare you, you bastard, lie behind me while I slept and steal my money? And you're so damned unskilled that you woke me with pain.

What if you'd cut up this fine capital of mine? What then?!"

His shout shook the entire boat.

The frightened passengers froze for a moment, then their expressions turned strange as muffled snickers broke out everywhere.

Fang Shu, whose body had been tensed to rise, slowly sat back down and pressed his back tightly against the edge of the covered boat.

With a teasing look, he watched Lü Daoist as though enjoying a show.

Lü Daoist seemed to catch sight of everyone's reactions and said resentfully:

"If you gentlemen don't believe me, look behind me. This bastard not only cut open my underpants, he sliced both my buttocks too. He almost even..."

Fang Shu lowered his gaze and indeed saw that a huge slit had been torn in the back of Lü Daoist's clothes. His crotch hung loose, and the wind blew straight through his legs.

The person being held and beaten by the Daoist hugged his head and fell even more completely silent.

The commotion alerted the snake-headed boatman. He poked his head inside, initially too lazy to care, but the passengers were making such a racket. Besides, it was now the latter half of the second night aboard, and though the monsters and vicious things inside and outside the river had grown fewer, they still could not be too noisy.

The snake-headed boatman lit a lamp and came over to mediate.

Lü Daoist still refused to let the shadowy figure go, looking as though he wanted to beat him to death.

The boatman could only threaten him:

"I don't care if you lot cause trouble, but if you kill someone and spill blood on my boat, ruining my business, I can only send you all back. And don't even think of getting your fare back.

If the blood and deathly aura draw the mountain monsters' eyes to us, be careful that the whole boat doesn't get buried with you."

Everyone merely listened to the first half of the snake-headed boatman's words.

But at the latter half, the other passengers immediately reacted, beginning to persuade and joke with him:

"Daoist, you're entering the mountains to seek immortality. Once you reach the market, you can learn spells and refine magical artifacts. Why covet some mortal's equipment?"

"We'll hold this rude fellow down and make him apologize to you, Daoist brother. How about making him pay for medicine as well?"

At this moment.

The crowd had the boatman hold up the lamp, forcibly pulled Lü Daoist away, and lifted the beaten man's face.

They discovered that he was actually a youth of sixteen or seventeen.

The young man wore brocade robes and had delicate features, handsome in appearance. Even with his face bruised and swollen, he did not look like a thief.

He looked resentfully at those around him, before his gaze finally fell upon Tian Tianquan, the middle-aged man beside Fang Shu.

Under everyone's stares, Tian Tianquan's old face reddened. Hugging his legs, he too said nothing.

After a long spell of noise and questioning, only when dawn was nearly breaking did the passengers finally learn the reason.

It turned out that Tian Tianquan, though plain-looking and honest-faced, was particularly skilled at voice imitation and ventriloquism, capable of producing the voice of a young woman.

More unusually, he too was exceptionally gifted, but happened to be the opposite of Lü Daoist—not of the male kind. According to Tian Tianquan, his parents had nearly thrown him into a pigsty because of it back then.

The previous night, while relieving himself, he had used a false voice to lure the brocade-clad youth aside and bargain with him, intending to swindle a few talisman coins. The youth saw through him, however, and instead threatened him into helping with theft.

As for why the youth had insisted on cutting open Lü Daoist's underpants pouch, those who traveled by night boat often sewed coins and other important belongings into the lining of their underpants.

The youth had been bold but inexperienced, and thus caused such an absurd affair.

Hearing this twist-filled bit of entertainment, everyone clicked their tongues in amazement. Fang Shu too marveled at it.

Under everyone's persuasion.

The brocade-robed youth's face turned ashen. He had no choice but to take talisman coins from his underpants and hand them all over to Lü Daoist—three hundred in total!

Lü Daoist accepted the talisman coins directly. Not even minding the filth, he immediately stopped making a fuss.

The farce ended.

The people in the cabin returned to their places.

Since there was so little space aboard, Fang Shu and the other five had no choice but to crowd together again.

Seeing Tian Tianquan so close by, Lü Daoist glanced at him. His old face was at once proud, hateful, and disgusted.

He cursed under his breath, "You piece of shit, you've made me suffer badly."

With a cold snort, Lü Daoist no longer deigned to acknowledge Tian Tianquan. He even turned his back, as though his anger had yet to fade and he was too ashamed to face anyone.

Yet Fang Shu, sitting beside the Daoist, immediately heard a faint metallic clatter, as if someone were counting coins.

He had thought the matter was over.

But who would have expected the Yin-surnamed youth among the five to repeatedly look up, hesitating to speak.

After struggling with his expression for quite some time, the Yin-surnamed youth lowered his voice and quietly asked Tian Tianquan beside him:

"Earlier in the night... the one who did that with me, that wasn't you, was it?"

The words made everyone around them, who had just settled into silence, widen their eyes again. Even Lü Daoist, who had turned away, blankly turned his head back.

Clink! Several talisman coins fell from Lü Daoist's sleeve to the floor. His old face reddened, and he hurriedly planted his foot over them.

Yin Xiaojian was stared at by everyone.

His face looked utterly awful, as if he had swallowed dung water, yet there was also a trace of hope in his eyes.

Hearing him, Tian Tianquan blankly lifted his head from his knees and looked at the Yin-surnamed youth in confusion.

After thinking for a moment, Tian Tianquan shook his head.

At this answer, Yin Xiaojian's complexion immediately recovered. His brows flew up in delight, and he broke into a wide grin.

But just then, a croaking frog call sounded overhead.

Eyes peered down at the five of them from above.

"Young master, Toad Granny was the one who shared your bed last night."

An ugly green toad face emerged. It had neither nose nor hair, while its face was covered in many warty lumps.

Toad Granny grinned, her long tongue hanging down as she greeted Yin Xiaojian.

Yin Xiaojian's face abruptly stiffened, then his eyes widened.

Terror filled his expression. He looked even worse than before, his lips trembling so hard that for a moment he could not speak.

"Out, out! Get out, all of you!"

The snake-headed boatman rushed in at this moment and hurriedly drove away Toad Granny from atop the second deck board.

In an instant, the cabin shook.

One figure after another sprang up from every corner of the cabin.

Croak! Quack!

There was more than one chorus of frog calls, accompanied by duck quacks and sounds that could not be told apart as either snake hissing or lizards flicking their tongues.

They swept past the passengers, scrambling over one another as they slipped out of the cabin and slid smoothly into the river outside, vanishing without a trace.

At the sight, everyone aboard shuddered in shock.

They had no idea when so many monsters had infiltrated the boat.

Some people in particular came fully to their senses, and their faces immediately twisted in revulsion as they cried that they might have been poisoned by monster venom.

Several seized the snake-headed boatman with angry faces and questioned him. Hadn't he promised that this voyage would be worth every coin?

But the snake-headed boatman only grinned.

"I only said there was no risk to your lives. I never said there wouldn't be a risk to your chastity."

It added, "When you take an illicit route into the mountains, it's perfectly normal for little mishaps to happen.

Just treat it as toll money!"

The passengers were both disgusted and furious, cursing without pause. "Bullshit from your mother! Do you really take us for piglets?"

Seeing that his attempts at soothing them had failed and the passengers continued raising a ruckus, the snake-headed boatman's face darkened as well. With a cold snort, it said:

"If your hearts were righteous, how could some monster granny have bewitched your minds and taken your vital essence for nothing?"

With that, it turned and left the cabin.

The rowdy passengers were left ashamed and enraged.

Especially when everyone else in the cabin cast strange looks at them.

However, Fang Shu's group of five by the side of the boat did not make a fuss.

Lü Daoist and Yin Xiaojian especially.

Watching the farce just now, both secretly breathed sighs of relief. Their chests no longer felt as tightly clogged as they had at first.

Then a low curse rang out among the five. It came from the cold-faced woman surnamed Su.

"Men truly are disgusting things!"

As though looking at filth, she stared at Fang Shu and the other four, as well as every man nearby. Covering her mouth and nose, she moved as far aside as possible, as if afraid of catching a disease.

The four exchanged looks.

Lü Daoist's face showed anger. Yin Xiaojian and Tian Tianquan both lowered their heads in shame, not daring to look up.

As for Fang Shu, he could not be bothered to pay attention to Su Qingao, who was venting her anger on the innocent.

With his arms folded across his chest, he suddenly smiled at the angry Lü Daoist.

"On a night boat, men and monsters are hard to tell apart—just right for a fated marriage match.

Is that why you said the boat had to depart at night, Daoist?"

Lü Daoist stared in astonishment.

For a moment, he burst into helpless laughter. The resentment in his heart vanished at once, and he returned to his seat, no longer bothering to argue much with Su Qingao.

Once his mood had recovered, Lü Daoist sat with his legs spread and continued chatting idly with Fang Shu and the others.

"Get some rest while you can. When we get off the boat, make sure you're all alert!"

Within a few hours.

Light appeared beyond the snake boat. It was unclear whether dawn had come or they had surfaced.

Soon after, golden light blazed forth, scattering through the curtain into the cabin like fragments of gold.

Then came the sound of scales scraping against stone slabs.

Half the time it took to drink a cup of tea later, the snake-headed boatman flung open the curtain and shouted:

"Wake up, wake up! We're here!"

Clang, stomp stomp!

The shout immediately woke the dozens of people in the cabin. Everyone scrambled to their feet, staggering and jostling as they tried to squeeze outside.

The cries of pain were endless.

Fang Shu was among them.

The instant he sprang from the cabin, he expelled every trace of foul air he had breathed inside, then took a deep breath of the air outside and looked around.

The boat had stopped at a place like a ferry landing. A hundred paces away lay the surging river, while behind them rose layer upon layer of densely packed houses stretching all the way up the mountain. Mist drifted through them, making the place seem like the dwelling of immortals—or the dwelling of ghosts.

Quite a few people around Fang Shu were taking deep breaths as well, and some were even more dramatic.

Voices rose:

"The air in an immortal market really is sweeter than the mortal world's!"

"Wife, I've finally arrived."

Some voices were joyful, others wistful, and some carried the sound of tears.

Fang Shu too looked exhilarated. His heart brimmed with anticipation, and it felt as though the path to immortality lay right before his eyes!

But the next moment.

A crowd dressed as human brokers and old female brokers appeared uninvited, swarming over like flies catching the scent of meat.

They picked through and appraised the newly disembarked group around Fang Shu as though selecting fat from lean.

Having only just arrived at the immortal market, everyone was inexperienced and knew little. No matter who they had been before coming here, they were all cautious now.

They feared that these arrivals might be market stewards or servants of some great immortal, and that they might offend them with one careless move.

Thus, the brokers and old female brokers began instructing them to bow, clasp their hands in salute, walk a few steps, turn around, and so forth.

Though everyone was baffled, seeing others cooperate, they obediently followed suit one by one.

Until one old woman, accompanied by two maidservants, stood nearby pointing and saying:

"Watch carefully. When you say, 'Hold out your hands for me to see,' make them roll up their sleeves all the way.

Then their hands are exposed, their arms are exposed, and their skin color is exposed too."

The old woman continued expertly:

"Then tell them, 'Young sirs and young ladies, you've just arrived at the immortal market. Come now, give me a happy smile.'

"When these piglets grin at you, their teeth and tongues are exposed. Then you can see their teeth clearly, so those old hands won't swindle you."

These words fell on Fang Shu and the others' ears, making them mutter among themselves for quite a while.

Why did this look like they were examining livestock?

And they were the livestock being examined.

Thus, some passengers refused to cooperate and shouted:

"I came here to cultivate immortality, not to be livestock! What are you doing?"

Unexpectedly, the old woman beside him heard this and pointed at the loudly shouting passenger as she instructed her maidservants:

"Listen, he's getting impatient, so his voice has come out too. Take the chance to listen to it. You can tell whether his vital energy is strong and whether he has any hidden illnesses."

The maidservants nodded like chicks pecking grain and even offered their comments:

"This one has a large nose and a loud voice. His equipment might be rather impressive."

"Thank you for your instruction, Mama. This servant will remember it all."

Thus, in less than half the time it took to drink a cup of tea.

These market people who had swarmed over like flies had thoroughly seen through every immortal seeker aboard the boat.

They had high standards, picking only one or two people to pull aside for questioning. Then they buzzed away again.

Just then, other boats came ashore as well.

One was a toad as large as a house. It landed with a bang, croaked as it opened its mouth, and vomited out a chaotic mass of passengers from its belly.

The boat passengers wailed and groaned.

They were all turned upside down and around; many were dizzy and nauseated, nearly vomiting up their own gall. Some had even gone pale and lay stiffly on the stone slabs without moving, their fate unknown.

Seeing this scene, Fang Shu and the others felt a surge of relief. The covered boat they had taken on this journey suddenly did not seem all that terrible.

Amid the chaos, Fang Shu quietly took notice.

Among the familiar faces traveling with them, only Su Qingao and the richly dressed youth from the boat were pulled aside by the human traffickers who had surged up to speak with them.

As for him, Lü Daoist, Yin Xiaojian, and Tian Tianquan, the four of them stood there blankly. Someone had questioned them and left word, but no one had directly come to take them away.

Lü Daoist seemed to know something. He sighed.

"No hope, then. This old man told them I was gifted beyond compare—why wouldn't they believe it?"

He even rubbed his old face and muttered, "Must've been too long cooped up on the boat. Made this old man look even older, so they didn't want me."

Just as Fang Shu and the others were about to ask him about it, Su Qingao suddenly returned with a face as green as iron.

She looked around, her expression twisting with conflict once more. In the end, she still walked toward the comparatively familiar Fang Shu and the other four, clustering together with them.

Before Fang Shu and the others could ask, Su Qingao trembled with rage and said, "An utter disgrace! An utter disgrace!"

"We came here seeking immortality. How could they treat us like livestock to be bought and sold? They even wanted to drag me off to a courtesan house!" she said through gritted teeth.

Fang Shu and the others were astonished. After asking a few more questions, they immediately learned that the people who had rushed up earlier truly were human traffickers and broker women from the immortal market.

They had come to select young, beautiful, handsome, and pleasing stock from among those disembarking, take them back to train, then either sell them to wealthy households in the market or place them in their own brothels to entertain guests.

Once they learned of this, Fang Shu and the others' expressions changed as well. They faintly sensed that the immortal market was no kind-hearted place.

Yet Lü Daoist's expression remained unchanged upon hearing this. He even carefully asked, "Sister Su, you didn't mishear? The place that wanted to recruit you was a courtesan house?"

Su Qingao gave the Daoist no pleasant look and snorted coldly. "How could I possibly mishear such humiliation?"

To their surprise, Lü Daoist only sighed and shook his head regretfully.

"You missed it, you missed it. It was a courtesan house, not a whorehouse.

Take this old man's advice. If you have no relatives in the market, you should go back and seek out that broker woman, beg her to take you along."

"What courtesan house, what whorehouse? They're all just places where people serve with their looks! Who would want that?"

Su Qingao's face was still far from pleasant. She looked at Lü Daoist with contempt. "I have a close sister here who arrived years ago. She'll come look after me."

With that, the woman snorted and no longer cared to remain with Fang Shu and the others. Looking around, she pressed her legs together and took small steps away on her own.

Lü Daoist did not care much about the Su woman's attitude.

The old Daoist shrugged, then called to Fang Shu and the others. "Come. This old man will take you gentlemen to scoop up our first bucket of gold after coming ashore. I guarantee we'll all return with our basins brimming over.

After we share a good meal, we can go our separate ways!"

"Master Lü, you've thought of everything!" Fang Shu and the others had no objections.

After all, even if they had relatives or friends in the market, the date of their arrival ashore was uncertain. They would still have to seek out those relatives and friends themselves later; no one would come to meet the boat.

With nothing else to do, they might as well follow Lü Daoist and familiarize themselves with this so-called immortal market.

Still, they all felt somewhat puzzled.

They had all just arrived. Even if they knew a few spells, they were no more than mortals.

The immortal market was inhabited by immortals!

Why did this fellow Lü dare to guarantee, again and again, that everyone who followed him would make money?

If they had not just failed to catch the human traffickers' eyes, they would have suspected that this fellow surnamed Lü wanted to sell them all into a duck house.