Almost Blew Up the World

"Calm down?"

"I am calm. I'm just... hic tired of it. The people in this world are too annoying. The FBI and all that—if I hadn't stormed into the White House and chewed out their president, they'd definitely be bothering me every day."

"But don't worry. Before I... hic throw this bomb away, I'll get your dream girl Jessica out."

"Hic Then you and Jessica can be Adam and Eve."

"By then, you can live like in those... hic made-up stories and breed an entire new human race."

Morty: "..."

Even after spending half a year with Grandpa, Morty's blood pressure still shot through the roof whenever he heard the brainless things that came out of Grandpa's mouth.

You're already pretty old.

How could you still be like a child, with your head full of... excessively crazy, excessively deranged, excessively stupid ideas?

And bringing up Jessica—that light-orange-haired, cute older-girl type of foreign beauty—was really just rubbing salt in his wound.

Me and her, an Adam and Eve pairing?

He admitted that over the past six months, he had come to like that gorgeous girl who ranked number one in looks at their school, just like the original Morty had. But how many days had he even spent at school in total?

He hadn't even gotten a chance to talk to her, okay?

Besides, Grandpa refused to take him out to seriously rob some money. If he had tens of millions of dollars in hand, he would have gone straight for a mansion and luxury cars, then used money to win over that girl whose values had yet to fully develop.

And then there was us...

After ranting internally for a while, Morty suddenly remembered the urgent matter at hand.

What a loser. He mentioned Jessica once, and I actually forgot that he was going to blow up this planet!

If I look at Jessica one more time in the future, I'm a dog!

Although he knew Grandpa had never been someone who liked to brag, Morty still found it hard to believe that Grandpa truly wanted to blow up the world.

But he definitely couldn't just let him do it.

What if he didn't stop him and put on an attitude of, "You've got the guts, so blow up the planet," only for this guy to really go on a drunken rampage and do it?

So Morty decisively straightened his arm and torso, trying to seize the steering wheel. Naturally, Grandpa, who was controlling it, refused to allow that.

The two fought over the steering wheel while cursing each other out.

"You worthless piece of shit who has the desire but not the guts! I'm about to blow up this world so you can spend the rest of your life with Jessica, and you're not happy?"

"You old piece of trash with explosives for brains and shit spraying from your mouth! You narcissist, stop making decisions for everyone else! Stop assuming everyone likes your arrangements!"

"Do you believe I'll kick you out from eight thousand meters up?"

"Yeah? Come on! I'd like to see how you... plan to lay a hand on your favorite grandson!"

After the grandfather and grandson exchanged a thorough round of insults involving each other's entire family trees, Morty saw that Grandpa was still pulling the spaceship upward toward outer space.

Morty, who had originally planned to stop at a warning, immediately panicked.

He leaned back, preparing to kick Grandpa in the face.

Yet Grandpa, who should have been in a crazed drunken state, displayed terrifying reaction speed at that moment and blocked the kick with one hand.

"Enough, enough. You're normally such a coward, but suddenly you're acting like some tough guy. You really look like you took the wrong medicine!"

Morty said, "I'm cowardly because I play it safe! Playing it safe! Playing it safe! Do you understand? With a god-tier fighter like you around, why the hell would I need to risk my life?"

Perhaps unable to resist his grandson's forceful demands, Grandpa finally steered the spaceship down toward the ground.

After they landed, he pushed open the door, and empty bottles rolled out of the seats one after another.

Grandpa himself rolled out after the empty bottles.

Morty had already been exhausted from an entire day, and at night he had to fight a grandfather with inhuman strength over a battered steering wheel that had nearly determined the fate of the entire planet.

Drenched in hot sweat, Morty leaned back against the seat, looking completely drained.

At that moment, Grandpa suddenly laughed and said something.

"This was only a test, a test to make you more decisive and confident!"

Like a spark falling into oil, Morty sprang up from the seat and roared at Grandpa, "Test my ass! Fuck my ass! My ass is dead!"

After cursing that bastard a few times, Morty suddenly froze. He stared blankly at Grandpa lying on the ground, and in that instant, he understood some things.

Half a year ago, Grandpa had suddenly appeared. From that day onward, Morty had followed him all over the universe, fooling around (killing people).

He had gone through a whole pile of bizarre experiences.

And now, today, Grandpa had said it was a test.

Morty had finally received a definite answer from Grandpa: he was training him!

Otherwise, why would someone as lazy as Grandpa, in a certain sense, be willing to take him out every day to explore (kill people)?

Though this world had no clear classification of combat power.

Morty felt that he was basically at the point where, as long as he had weapons nearby, he could wipe out a squad of America's strongest special forces by himself.

And that raised the question.

Why was Grandpa training his combat ability?

What was there that Grandpa couldn't handle, yet needed someone with merely average intelligence like him to handle?

With that lingering confusion, Morty returned home and slept poorly all night.

In the morning, he finally face-planted straight into his breakfast, making the three people around him frown.

"Oh my God, his face is about to start breaking out, and he just shoved it into the food. It seriously makes me want to throw up," his older sister said with a disgusted expression.

Beth shot a glare at her adolescent daughter before asking worriedly, "Morty, are you sick?"

Morty lifted his head from his plate and wearily made up a lie. "I'm not sick. I just didn't sleep well last night. Maybe my dream was too exhausting..."

His older sister, seated across from him, mercilessly exposed his lie.

"Or! You went out with Grandpa all night again."

"What?!"

"Dad?"

Grandpa, who had been playing invisible, saw everyone's eyes turn toward him and asked indifferently, "What? Does everyone have to sleep every night now?"

"You need to understand that sleeping wastes more than half our lives. You spend a third of your life sleeping—isn't that slowly murdering your own life?"

Jerry had long been dissatisfied with the father-in-law who had suddenly returned half a year ago and refused to leave. He even secretly encouraged his wife every day to send the old man to a nursing home.

Seizing this chance, he directly accused Grandpa of taking his son out on adventures every day and causing his grades to plummet without end.

That idiot neighbor kid could get better grades with his feet than my son!

No matter how much he believed in happy education, Jerry could no longer tolerate his father-in-law ruining his son when he came dead last in the entire school on every exam.

"Starting today, Morty can't go on adventures with you anymore. You've completely led my precious son astray!"

"When he should be studying, you take him on all kinds of so-called stupid technological adventures. How is he supposed to survive in society in the future?"

"Do you want me to become like you, someone who had children and then threw them aside without a care for twenty years?"

"Besides, this is my home! I won't allow someone who disappeared for twenty years to come back and start ordering everyone around!"

Grandpa gave the son-in-law he never acknowledged as a son-in-law a long look. He sarcastically compared him to a dictator, then mocked him further.

"You really are the household version of Caesar. HBO, Netflix, and Fox are wasting a talent by not hiring you to make early childhood cartoons."

"But you're right. This is your house, your family."

"It's just that, in my personal view, school is a waste of time. They throw a bunch of people into a giant arena without distinguishing between aptitude, special talent, or high and low emotional intelligence, and the only criterion for judging their ability is standardized exercises and exams."

"Ninety percent of what they learn is stuff they'll hardly ever use again for the rest of their lives once they enter society."

"Then, when lunchtime comes, they feed you lunches they absolutely wouldn't eat themselves."

"And give you a piece of paper that says, 'You may go take a shit.'"

"Besides, your own experience tells me that you hooked up with my daughter while you were in school, then had Summer before graduating."

"When the father is this pathetic, why does he expect his son to become a dragon?"