The "Shit Man's" Revenge

Though he felt uneasy, Benjamin still walked into the living room and looked at his father.

"I'm back, Father."

The middle-aged man seated at the head of the table looked at Benjamin without saying a word. There was no happiness in his eyes, though. Instead, he seemed somewhat displeased, and the look made Benjamin's heart skip a beat.

What was going on?

Benjamin had carefully familiarized himself with the memories related to Claude Riser, his biological father. Claude was the head of the family, a duke of the kingdom, and a man of extremely high standing among the nobility of the Heli Kingdom. He was a typical old-school noble.

Being an old-school noble meant being loyal to the king, then following the king around and pledging loyalty to the Church. It meant valuing one's birth and emphasizing the divide between nobles and commoners. More than anything, it meant being obsessed with appearances and clinging to so-called noble pride at all times. In other words, the man was backward and feudal-minded.

Personally, Benjamin's father was also a very stern man. It was rare to see even the slightest smile on his face. As a father, this made him strict as well. He had high hopes for his sons, but his eldest, Benjamin, had brought shame upon him. Naturally, Benjamin could never get so much as a kind look from him.

The thing he said most often to Benjamin was... No, he basically couldn't be bothered to talk to him. Perhaps he'd scolded him so much as a child that he'd gotten tired of it, and since all that scolding hadn't made Benjamin see the light, he'd simply given up.

Still, although Duke Claude had always been thoroughly disappointed in Benjamin, to the point where just seeing him seemed to put him in a bad mood, he was a reasonable man. A furious expression like the one he wore now usually only appeared when Benjamin had done something wrong.

Done something wrong? What had he done?

Benjamin was completely baffled.

"It was him! Last night, he attacked me with... with that thing!"

Suddenly, in the tense and stifling silence, the unfamiliar blond kid spoke up first, breaking the silence and pointing at Benjamin's nose as he loudly berated him.

His words only left Benjamin more confused.

"Who is this guy?"

To be cautious, he didn't react out loud. Instead, he asked the system silently.

The system replied, "Hmm... He should be Dick Fool. Remember? The guy who was sleepwalking last night, the one you splashed with excrement."

Benjamin froze. He took another look at the man, and finally recognized something familiar in his face.

That upturned pig nose really was exactly like the one belonging to last night's unfortunate victim. It was just that last night the guy's face had been covered in shit, and now it wasn't, so he looked different. That was why Benjamin hadn't recognized him right away.

At that thought, Benjamin really wanted to tell him, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you because you don't have shit on your face today." But he knew this wasn't the time to run his mouth. If he said that, there'd be no controlling the situation. So he forced himself to hold it in.

Now he finally understood what was going on. The whole sequence of events was simple: this Mr. Dick had been visiting their family last night when he started sleepwalking and ran into Benjamin, who had just woken up. Benjamin had smashed a chamber pot into his face, and he'd been so upset that he'd brought his father over today to get even. And that was how they'd ended up here.

They were here to call him to account! Benjamin thought uneasily.

This was a bit of a problem.

For various reasons, he didn't immediately respond to Dick's finger pointed at his nose. Instead, he lowered his head like the old Benjamin, wearing the stubborn expression of a teenager being scolded for getting into trouble.

The more he said, the more likely he was to mess up. Better to see how his father, Duke Claude, handled things first.

Unfortunately, Claude's attitude was not encouraging.

"Benjamin, is this how we taught you to treat a guest?" he said, sounding like a man who was disappointed in his son and sided with reason over family.

Benjamin sighed inwardly.

He'd already learned from the system that Claude wasn't the kind of man who would blindly defend his own. Still, seeing him side so completely with an outsider made Benjamin think even less of the image his father had of him.

But thinking about it, judging from the stories the system had provided, people here didn't seem to have a habit of blindly defending their relatives at all. The families here didn't seem to be at each other's throats like in other novels, and they didn't have that rule about never criticizing their own in front of outsiders. Like ordinary Western nobles, they lived peacefully under the Church's protection. There simply weren't any rivalries between them.

Westerners really did have a weak sense of family.

Since his family wasn't going to stand up for him, this situation was more than a bit of a problem. It was practically a public shaming, with everyone ganging up on him.

He was probably in for a rough time.

At that thought, he gave in without the slightest bit of backbone.

"Big brother! I didn't do it on purpose! I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"

Even he could tell how convincing his acting was at that moment.

He'd gotten pretty good at saving face.

He'd thought it through: it was better to apologize first than to let Claude force him to. That might improve Claude's impression of him a little, and it would keep the Fool Family from taking advantage of him. He believed that if he apologized perfectly, they wouldn't have any reason to make things difficult for him.

Just as Benjamin had expected, when Claude heard his "sincere" apology, surprise flickered across his face, and his anger eased a little.

After all, Benjamin was acting much more maturely than the old "him." Of course, nobody found it strange or thought of absurd things like transmigration. In the eyes of the Riser family, Benjamin should have been like this all along. They only thought it was about time he changed.

One apology had temporarily defused Claude's anger. But Dick Fool, the victim of the "chamber pot incident," wasn't so easy to appease.

"You think you can just apologize and I'll forgive you? Dream on! I won't accept it!" Dick was utterly unyielding.

Even the system popped up, bizarrely chiming in, "Exactly. If apologies worked, what would we need the police for?"

"..."

Benjamin ignored the system, which was clearly hoping to stir up trouble, and looked at Claude. Claude didn't seem inclined to speak. Perhaps he wanted to leave this conflict between the younger generation to them.

So Benjamin had no choice but to speak up himself and ask Dick:

"Then what do you want?"

At that, Dick glared at him, his face full of haughty contempt. He gave a disdainful snort, then gritted his teeth and said, "I'm going to pay you back for humiliating me, in full!"

As he spoke, he produced a chamber pot from under the table like a magician.

"..."

Benjamin's face darkened.

He could put on an act and apologize. It wouldn't cost him anything, and while he was backing down, he could still look down on these mortals in his heart. But there was no way he could accept having that thing thrown in his face.

"...Dream on."

No matter how much he could hold back, he couldn't take this.

Dick immediately got worked up and shouted, "I knew it! Your apology was just an act. You weren't sincere at all, you shameless liar! Dumbass! Good-for-nothing..."

Benjamin couldn't hold back either. The insults he'd amassed over half a lifetime on the internet burst out of him. In that moment, it was as if thousands of trolls had possessed him. He wasn't fighting alone:

"You're the good-for-nothing! You come stumbling out in the middle of the night and scare people, hollering like a slaughtered pig! What were you dreaming about, some girl? Why do you have any right to criticize me? Have you eaten so much shit you've started spewing it from your mouth? Watch out, or a bird's going to shit on you and kill you one day!"

"Fuck, you dare insult me?"

"You've already bathed in shit. What are you afraid of, a few insults?"

"I'll kill you!"

"Come on! Whoever backs down has to livestream himself chopping off his dick!"

"..."

According to a certain Mr. Green, who preferred to remain anonymous, the scene had gotten completely out of hand.

"I was surprised. It turns out the lives of nobles aren't that different from ours, ordinary people. When they get angry, their insults are just as crude and just as unimaginative." Recalling the scene, the anonymous Mr. Green offered this reflection.

Things unfolded exactly as he described. As the onlookers stared in stunned silence, Benjamin and Dick's war of words kept escalating. A long stretch of unprintable, unspeakable content has been omitted here, and the scene raced out of control like a wild horse with its guts hanging out.

At last, Claude stepped in.

"Shut up!"

His roar brought the red-hot battle to a halt. Both sides withdrew, lowering their banners and beating a retreat. Only their furious glares remained, sparks flying as they clashed in midair.

Benjamin felt a little regretful, but he also felt great.

Before long, though, he'd regret it a lot more.

"Have you had enough? Benjamin, did all your schooling go down the drain? What kind of behavior is this, shouting and arguing in front of a guest? If you don't want to stay in this family anymore, then get out!"

The torrent of words left Benjamin feeling a little deflated. For a moment, he even felt like he was back in his childhood, caught doing something wrong while his parents pointed a feather duster at his nose and scolded him.

It was like reliving his childhood trauma.

"I..." In the grip of that feeling, he instinctively tried to argue, but Claude cut him off without giving him a chance.

"What? You still want to make excuses? You've brought shame on the entire Riser family! Tell me, how are we supposed to face the other nobles in the Royal Capital? What will the Church's esteemed leaders think of us?" Claude's anger showed no sign of fading.

Benjamin immediately clamped his mouth shut and didn't dare speak again.

At a time like this, anything he said would only add fuel to the fire and make Claude think he was even more rebellious and immature. Better to lower his head and take the scolding until this wave of anger passed.

Besides, he'd gotten to enjoy himself while insulting Dick. That spoiled brat with his backward ideas couldn't hold a candle to him in a verbal fight.

At that moment, the other unfamiliar middle-aged man spoke up, trying to persuade Claude:

"Duke Claude, don't be so angry. He seems to know he was wrong. Just let my son get his revenge, and from now on, we'll consider the matter settled. That way, we can keep rumors from spreading."

The system chimed in at just the right time to introduce him: he was Axel Full, head of the Fool Family and Dick's father.

A count of the kingdom, he was known for being smooth and well connected in the business world. He was also well liked by the current king. There was so much fat on his face that when he smiled, his eyes practically disappeared.

At a time like this, he was the only one who could speak up.

Though he seemed to be speaking on Benjamin's behalf, Benjamin had no intention of being grateful. "Just let my son get his revenge" meant that he still wanted Dick to dump the chamber pot over Benjamin's face.

Not one person in this family was any good.

But Claude's response once again left Benjamin dumbfounded.

"If that will settle the matter, then so be it." He fell silent for a moment, regained his composure, and then said this.

The moment he spoke, Dick's eyes lit up. He excitedly held the chamber pot in his hands like Leonardo holding an Oscar.

"Looks like you're about to become the 'Shit Man,'" the system suddenly remarked, sounding so calm it was impossible to tell whether it was gloating or pitying him.

Benjamin's face turned ashen.

He absolutely! Absolutely could not accept this!

Put the chamber pot down, and let's talk this through...