The Revenge of the "Shit-Man"

Despite his inner misgivings, Benjamin walked into the living room and looked at his father.

"I'm back, Father."

The middle-aged man sitting in the main seat looked at Benjamin without speaking. However, there was not a hint of joy in his eyes; instead, they held a trace of reproach that made Benjamin feel a sudden jolt of trepidation.

What on earth was going on?

As Benjamin's biological father, Claude Riser, his memories had been carefully studied by Benjamin. He was the head of the family, a duke of the kingdom, and held a highly prestigious position within the Heli Kingdom's aristocratic system—a typical old-school aristocrat.

Being an "old-school aristocrat" meant pledging loyalty to the King, and then following the King's lead to pledge loyalty to The Church. It meant valuing lineage, emphasizing the divide between nobles and commoners, and, above all, being obsessed with appearances and upholding so-called aristocratic pride at all times. In other words, this man's thinking was not progressive; he was quite feudal.

From a personal perspective, Benjamin's father was a very stern man; one rarely saw a smile on his face. As a father, this manifested as severity. He had high hopes for his sons, but his eldest, Benjamin, had disgraced him completely. Naturally, Benjamin never received a kind look from him.

The most common thing he said to Benjamin was... oh wait, he generally couldn't be bothered to speak to Benjamin at all. Perhaps he had scolded him so much as a child that he grew tired of it, and since the scolding never seemed to make Benjamin see reason, he simply gave up.

However, even though Duke Claude was utterly disappointed in Benjamin—to the point where the mere sight of him seemed to trigger his temper—he was still a reasonable man. A display of anger like this usually only occurred when Benjamin had actually done something wrong.

Done something wrong? What could he have possibly done?

Thinking of this, Benjamin was completely bewildered.

"It's him! Last night, he was the one who attacked me with... with that thing!"

Suddenly, amidst the oppressive, stiff atmosphere, the strange blond boy spoke first, breaking the silence as he pointed a finger at Benjamin's nose and launched into a furious tirade.

Hearing this, Benjamin was even more confused.

Who is this guy?

To be safe, he didn't react in reality, but instead asked the system in his mind.

The system replied, "Hmm... he should be Dick Fool. Remember? The guy who was sleepwalking last night, the one you splashed with excrement."

Upon hearing this, Benjamin froze. He took a few more looks at the man, and finally, he felt a sense of familiarity.

Indeed, that upturned pig nose was exactly the same as the poor sap from last night. It was just that the man had been covered in feces then, and now that he was clean, he looked different enough that Benjamin hadn't recognized him immediately.

Thinking of this, Benjamin really wanted to say, "I'm sorry, your face isn't covered in shit today, so I didn't recognize you." But he knew now was not the time to be snarky. If he said that, the situation would spiral completely out of control. Therefore, he forcibly held his tongue.

He finally understood the situation. In essence, Mr. Dick had been a guest at their home yesterday, had a sleepwalking episode, and ran into Benjamin, who had just woken up. Benjamin had smashed a chamber pot into his face, and now, unable to swallow his anger, Dick had brought his father along to settle the score. Hence, the current standoff.

He's here to hold me accountable! Benjamin thought, sensing trouble.

This was tricky.

For various reasons, facing the finger pointed at his nose, he didn't rush to speak. Instead, he mimicked the old Benjamin—lowering his head, keeping a stubborn expression, and looking like a teenager being scolded for a mistake.

The more you say, the more you err. Better to see what his father, Duke Claude, had to say first.

However, Claude's attitude was not good.

"Benjamin, is this how we taught you to treat guests?" His opening line was one of disappointment, clearly siding with the outsider.

Benjamin sighed internally.

He had already learned from the system that Claude was not the type to shield his own kin, but being this biased toward an outsider made Benjamin realize his image in his father's eyes was even lower than he thought.

But thinking about it, based on the records provided by the system, the people here didn't seem to have the habit of shielding their own. Families here didn't seem to be at each other's throats like in other novels, nor was there a culture of "never scold your own in front of outsiders." Like typical Western aristocrats, they lived in peace under the light of The Church, with no real hostility between them.

Western family values were truly weak.

In this light, with the family not backing him, this wasn't just "tricky"—it was a public struggle session. Everyone was ganging up on him.

He was going to have a rough time.

Thinking of this, he lost his backbone and gave in on the spot.

"Big brother! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"

Even he could feel how realistic his acting was at this moment.

His thick skin had certainly been well-trained.

He had thought it through: rather than letting Claude force him to apologize, it was better to say it himself. It would improve Claude's impression slightly and prevent the Fool family from pushing their luck. He believed that as long as his attitude was perfect, the other party wouldn't find a reason to make things difficult for him.

As Benjamin expected, hearing his "sincere" apology, a look of surprise appeared on Claude's face, and his rising anger subsided slightly.

After all, Benjamin's current performance was much more mature than the "old" him. Of course, no one found it strange or suspected anything like transmigration. In the eyes of the Riser family, Benjamin should have been like this all along; they felt it was late enough as it was!

Claude's severity could be temporarily defused by an apology, but as the victim of "Chamber-Pot-Gate," Dick Fool's anger was not so easily quelled.

"You think you can just say sorry and it's over? You're dreaming! I don't accept it!" The other party's attitude was extremely firm.

Even the system chimed in weirdly, "Exactly. If apologies worked, what would we need the police for?"

"..."

Benjamin ignored the system, which was just trying to stir up trouble, and looked at Claude. Claude didn't seem to intend to speak, as if he wanted to leave the grievances of the younger generation for them to resolve themselves.

Thus, Benjamin had to speak up and ask Dick:

"Then what do you want?"

Hearing this, Dick glared at him with a look of haughty contempt. He let out a disdainful snort and said through gritted teeth, "I want to return the humiliation you gave me, in full!"

As he spoke, as if performing a magic trick, he suddenly pulled a chamber pot out from under the table.

"..."

Benjamin's face turned black.

Playing the fool and apologizing was one thing—it wouldn't kill him, and while he was acting submissive, he was internally sneering at these "mortals." But if they really tried to dump that thing on his face, there was no way he would accept it.

"...In your dreams."

No matter how much he could endure, he had reached his limit.

Dick immediately became agitated and shouted, "I knew it! Your apologies were all fake! You aren't sincere at all, you shameless liar! You idiot! You piece of trash..."

Benjamin couldn't hold back either. The accumulation of his half-life on the internet erupted at this moment, as if thousands of keyboard warriors possessed him. He was not fighting alone:

"You're the fucking trash! Running out in the middle of the night to scare people, screaming like a slaughtered pig—what kind of lady were you dreaming about to get so excited? What right do you have to talk to me? Have you eaten so much shit that your mouth is full of it? Watch out, you might get killed by bird droppings one day!"

"Holy shit, you dare to curse at me!"

"You've already bathed in shit, are you still afraid of being cursed at?"

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Come on then! Whoever chickens out has to livestream cutting their own dick off!"

"..."

According to a certain Mr. Green who wished to remain anonymous, the scene had spiraled completely out of control.

"I was surprised. It turns out the lives of aristocrats are no different from us commoners. When they get angry, their vocabulary is just as vulgar and impoverished," Mr. Green recalled, sighing at the memory.

Everything was just as he said. Amidst the stunned silence of the onlookers, the war of words between Benjamin and Dick escalated. We shall omit a large section of content that cannot be looked at or described; the scene ran wild like a horse without a bridle.

Finally, Claude stepped in.

"Shut up!"

The roar, like that of a lion, finally brought the heated battle to a halt. Both sides retreated, leaving only their angry glares to collide in the air.

Benjamin felt a bit of regret, but also felt quite satisfied.

However, the regret soon became much more than just a "bit."

"Have you made enough of a scene? Benjamin, has all the schooling you've received gone into a dog's stomach? Brawling in front of guests, what does that look like? If you don't want to stay in this house anymore, then get out!"

The barrage of words left Benjamin feeling wilted. For a moment, he felt like he was back in childhood, being scolded by his parents with a feather duster pointed at his nose.

It was a total reenactment of childhood trauma.

"I..." Under that feeling, he subconsciously wanted to retort, but was interrupted without room for argument.

"What? You still want to argue? You've disgraced the Riser family! Tell me, how are we supposed to face the other nobles in the Royal Capital? What will the lords of The Church think of us?" Claude's anger showed no signs of subsiding.

Benjamin immediately clamped his mouth shut, not daring to speak again.

At a time like this, saying anything would only add fuel to the fire, making Claude think he was even more rebellious and ignorant. It was better to just lower his head and take the scolding, letting this wave of anger pass.

Besides, he had enjoyed the cursing—that sheltered, backward-thinking rich kid was no match for him.

At this moment, another strange middle-aged man spoke up, advising Claude:

"Duke Claude, don't be so angry. I think he knows he was wrong. Just let my son have his revenge, and from now on, we'll treat this as if it never happened, so no rumors spread."

The system popped up at the right time to introduce him: this was Ax Fool, the head of the Fool family and Dick's father.

As a count of the kingdom, this man was known for being slick. He had many dealings in the business world and was favored by the current King. His face was so fleshy that when he smiled, his eyes disappeared.

At a time like this, only he could jump out to speak.

Although he seemed to be speaking up for Benjamin, Benjamin had no intention of being grateful. "Let my son have his revenge"—in plain terms, this man still wanted Dick to dump the chamber pot on his face.

There wasn't a single good person in this family.

However, Claude's attitude once again made Benjamin's jaw drop.

"If that will settle the matter, then so be it." He was silent for a moment, regained his composure, and said this.

The moment the words left his mouth, Dick's eyes lit up. He held the chamber pot in his hands with excitement, as if Leonardo were holding an Oscar trophy.

"You're done for. You're about to become the 'Shit-Man'," the system said calmly, making it impossible to tell if it was gloating or pitying him.

Benjamin's face turned ashen.

He absolutely! Absolutely could not accept this!

Put the shit-pot down and let's talk like civilized people...

Thanks to 13erserker for the tips and recommendation tickets, the first tip ever! Dancing with joy~~~