Smoking Is Harmful to Health

"Your upper pocket or your lower pocket?"

Wan Fuqi asked so openly and naturally that, for a moment, even the naked man himself failed to realize where he was supposed to have a pocket without any clothes on.

It was not until the deranged yet swift Enigma had felt his way from his shoulder blade all the way to the root of his thigh that Li Mao suddenly understood.

He grabbed Wan Fuqi's wrist and warned in a low voice, "Your fucking sh-shroud pocket! Touch me ag-again, and I'll chop off your dog-dog paw!"

After cursing him out, Li Mao acted as though he had accidentally touched dog shit. With a frown and downturned mouth, he hurriedly flung Wan Fuqi's wrist away.

He had just been too lazy to curse before.

What kind of idiotic nonsense was "hug for a while"?

In all his years, he had never seen a mouse whose home had been raided willingly hug a cat and kiss it.

He would rather drop dead on the spot than play some lovey-dovey nonsense with an idiot.

Seeing Li Mao fall silent with a cold face, Wan Fuqi raised his brows and took the initiative to ask, "You smoke?"

The moment Li Mao heard the word "smoke," he finally deigned to give Wan Fuqi another look, though his tone was noticeably more impatient.

What he desperately needed right now was the comfort of nicotine, not the self-righteous embrace of a stinking E whose floral pheromones were choking his nose.

"Wh-what? Is there a 'No Smoking' sign carved on my f-forehead?" Li Mao asked sarcastically.

Wan Fuqi pressed his lips together in a smile and shook his head. "There's no 'No Smoking' sign, but your whole face says, 'I'm having a great time.'"

Li Mao: ...

He should have taken advantage of this idiot's lack of guard and shoved those two fingers making a V-sign straight into his eyeballs.

When words did not match, even half a sentence was too much. Besides, whenever someone else said half a sentence, he had to stammer out one and a half.

Li Mao glared viciously at Wan Fuqi, then turned his head away and sulked by himself.

Once he caught his breath, he would kill this bastard.

Having successfully angered the little stutterer until he kept huffing in his arms, Wan Fuqi seemed to discover his conscience at last. His smile faded somewhat as he said mildly, "Smoking is harmful to your health."

Li Mao snapped irritably, "Is it g-going into your lungs?!"

Wan Fuqi nodded as if it were perfectly reasonable. "You're smoking beside me, so don't I have to inhale your secondhand smoke? Secondhand smoke is even more harmful than firsthand smoke. You're being irresponsible toward your husband. Do you want to be widowed on the first day of our marriage?"

"You talk too m-much!" Li Mao cursed irritably. "Let-let go of me. I want to get out of bed."

"Where are you going? Didn't you say we should hug for a while?"

Instead, Wan Fuqi tightened his arms and rested his chin in the hollow of Li Mao's neck.

Li Mao tried to break free, but after only a few movements, the little strength he had just recovered was completely spent.

Left with no choice, he lay stiffly in Wan Fuqi's arms like a dead fish again and negotiated, "I r-really need a cigarette to calm down right now. If you don't want to inhale s-secondhand smoke, I'll go smoke on the b-balcony. After I'm done, we can hug again—hug until the end of time, until the mountains crumble and heaven and earth unite, only then shall I dare part from y-you. All right?"

After saying that, Li Mao shamelessly batted his eyes at Wan Fuqi twice.

"Is that okay, an-ancestor? If you let me smoke th-this cigarette today, you'll be my de-dearest ancestor."

Wan Fuqi had been staring expressionlessly at Li Mao, but after hearing that, he could not help laughing. "Ancestors are family. Do you write your neighbors' names in your family tree too?"

Then, before Li Mao could refute him, he suddenly lowered his head and gave him a peck on the lips.

"If you want a kiss, just say so. No need to beat around the bush. Your husband will give you one."

"..."

Li Mao had already hated being a stutterer. Now he hated his stupid mouth even more.

"Do you b-believe I'll put out cigarettes on your tongue l-later?" Li Mao squeezed out through clenched teeth after a long while, his eyes shut.

Wan Fuqi, however, was completely unfazed by this.

The hand under the covers pinched Li Mao's pleasantly soft ass as he replied, "Keep talking recklessly in front of me, and believe it or not, I'll brand cigarette scars onto your ass?"

"..."

If anyone else had said that, Li Mao would have taken it as shameless bragging. But coming from this mad dog's mouth, it somehow sounded entirely believable that the next second, he would pin Li Mao down and use cigarette butts to burn Along the River During the Qingming Festival onto his ass.

Unable to speak and unable to stay silent, Li Mao simply closed his mouth and tried to evolve from a stutterer into a mute.

But while he could control his own mouth, he could not control that beast's.

Wan Fuqi spoke again. "Smoking damages your lungs and your body. If you insist on sucking on something, I have a good suggestion."

Li Mao: ...

So, was there any boss out there willing to put out a hit on this idiot in the name of justice? He could settle a personal grudge and make a little money on the side.

Li Mao quickly withdrew his hand, then folded his arms tightly and tucked both hands under his armpits, sealed so completely that Wan Fuqi could not pry them out even if he tried.

After failing to make progress up top, Wan Fuqi switched to attacking the little stutterer's lower half.

The moment he grabbed Li Mao's calf, Li Mao—whose gland had nearly been bitten off and skewered for spicy hotpot last night—instantly changed expression.

"Wh-what are you trying to do?"