Shadow Moon (4)

When had it begun? Chu Shihan himself could not say. Burying these feelings deep in his heart, wrapping them in layer after layer of his identity as a "senior brother," had long since become a habit etched into his bones. Even his smallest gestures carried an instinctive restraint.

Back at the Heavenly Mystery Assembly, after that first conversation with his master, when he was still too weak to protect what he wanted to protect, he had tried to learn how to shelter a delicate flower.

But his strength had been meager then. He could not protect the flower, so he had not dared speak. By the time he could finally build high walls around it, that flower seemed far away, no longer in need of his protection.

He was no longer a child. He understood how the world worked: once certain words were spoken, the outcome was either happiness or ruin.

He could not risk it. More than that, he feared his feelings would unsettle Shen Yuxi. So he pressed that stirring deeper, hid it behind his identity as a "senior brother," and even made a conscious effort to keep his gaze calm whenever he looked at him.

The first time he had accidentally heard his junior brother's Heart Voice utter something almost like a confession, the surge of emotion had thrown his sword stroke off course. His sixth junior sister's flying sword had wounded his hand.

Everyone thought those shocking words had startled him into losing focus. Only he knew that a vast, unexpected joy had drained the strength from him. He had come within a hair's breadth of pouring out everything he had buried in his heart.

Everyone thought he had been frightened. Only Chu Shihan knew he had been so happy his strength had given out.

That