All a Misunderstanding

On a pitch-black, freezing, snowy night, finding a house in the middle of nowhere was already absurd.

Finding out that the house looked like a giant pineapple was even more absurd.

Constantine suddenly began doubting his earlier judgment. Could it be...

He had found the right place?

But he had no time to think about that now. Someone else might have worried about danger, ghosts, witches, or whatever else might be lurking inside, but Constantine knew better.

That Bandage Monster was definitely in there!

Constantine had no proof, but he had a feeling, and he believed it without question.

So, from being shocked by the Pineapple House to speeding over and knocking on its door, Constantine took only three seconds.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Knocking clearly did not convey Constantine's current mood. He used his fists and smashed the door.

The faint laughter and chatter inside stopped the instant the pounding began. Quiet murmurs followed, as though someone were whispering among themselves.

Then...

The lights went out, and the door stayed shut.

Constantine: ?!

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

"Cough! Who's outside? Mother's hands are white, I... I'll look at the next page... Oh, Mother's voice is shrill and thin..."

What the hell was that? What a complete mess!

Constantine's face had turned an ugly bluish-green, whether from anger or cold.

Without a word, Constantine spread his hands and prepared to cast a spell.

The people inside were treating him like an idiot. This had all been planned! He had been played!

Naturally, Constantine decided to tear the door down and walk in himself.

That was how he had always handled things.

"Yunfu Shangdofu..."

DUANG~

Before he could finish the chant, someone leaped high behind him and chopped him on the head with a palm.

As Constantine crumpled limply to the ground, Lynn clutched his hand between his legs and cried out in pain, "Open up! Open up! Got him!"

With a creak, light spilled through the crack in the door. Kitty turned the lights back on, hung from the doorknob, and pushed the door open.

"Lynn, you didn't kill him, did you?!"

"How could I kill him with this?!"

Lynn raised his visibly swollen right hand, then waved the flail in his left hand. "This could! Stop talking and move aside. Let me get inside. I've been freezing out here for half an hour. I'm almost frozen stupid..."

"Th-then what about him?"

Lynn turned back to look at the unfortunate Constantine lying face-down on the ground with a conspicuous lump on the back of his head. He bent down, grabbed Constantine by the pant leg, and dragged him inside.

On the way in, Constantine's forehead smacked against the threshold.

"Ah... That hurt... Where am I..."

"Great Virtue Battle Axe! All right, now that things have come to this... let's eat first."

Constantine woke up in a daze. This time, as if guided by some unseen revelation, he made no sound when he opened his eyes.

And so he saw the black cat and Bandage Monster duo stuffing themselves with grilled meat and beer.

They were even watching TV!

"You two bastards..."

"Lynn! He's awake!"

"Shit! Eat, eat! This one, this one, this one! Hurry!"

"Mmff—!"

Kitty was yanked over by the neck by Lynn, who crammed fistful after fistful of grilled meat, sausages, and sliced bread into its mouth.

Constantine was dumbfounded.

He had traveled far and wide for years, dealing with all manner of bizarre monsters. He had even seen angels, and fought them more than once. No matter how you looked at it, he was a man who had seen plenty.

But he had never seen this.

"You... it... Are you two all right?!"

In the brief moment he was distracted, all the little food left on the table had been stuffed into the black cat's mouth by the bandaged man.

Then, with practiced ease, he wiped his mouth with the black cat and casually tossed it behind him.

When Constantine later recalled their first meeting, he swore before demons and God that he had heard a dull metallic thud when Kitty hit the ground.

It had definitely eaten its fill.

It had been packed down solid.

"Oh, heavens! Why are you lying there all alone? How terrifying~"

The strange, exaggerated line from some ancient announcer brought Constantine back to reality.

He looked up at the bandaged man, who for some reason seemed to be trembling all over, then lowered his gaze to the vines binding him.

"Buddy, you didn't have to do this. I think you should have cooled off by now."

Lynn stopped trembling and nodded. "Mm, that's true. Every time I look at you now, I feel a little happier. Sir Constantine, I don't think you need me to release you from your restraints, do you?"

The moment he finished speaking, the vines around Constantine glowed with golden light. Then they dissolved into specks of light and vanished from Constantine's body.

Supporting himself on the floor, Constantine stood up and dusted himself off. He shot Lynn an annoyed look and frowned slightly. "Can I use your bathroom?"

Lynn began trembling again. "Of course. It's over there."

Ignoring the black cat and bandaged man, who had suddenly started grappling with each other near the door, Constantine headed in the direction Lynn indicated.

A spatial artifact? From the outside, the Pineapple House looked less than a hundred square feet, but inside, it had been divided into two floors and several rooms.

Constantine felt that he had encountered a fellow professional.

Could he perhaps... borrow a fellow professional's help?

Lost in thought, Constantine entered the bathroom. Two seconds later, he shouted, "GOD!"

He rushed out like the wind and shouted at the pair tangled up by the door, each trying to get out while grabbing the other to stop them from leaving, "You drew a chrysanthemum on my face?!"

"Of course not."

Lynn suddenly became serious and explained, "That's Van Gogh's Sunflowers."

"Sunflowers my ass! You look like a sunflower!"

"Ow, you're hitting me! Your forehead doesn't hurt anymore, does it?! Schrodinger, scratch him!"

"I haven't even asked yet! What happened to my head? Why is there such a huge bump in the middle of the flower?!"

"There's one on the stem too. Do I have to tell you that as well? Schrodinger, scratch him!"

"Wasn't Schrodinger already... Ow! You named your cat Schrodinger? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

After a rather undignified fight, Kitty went outside to throw up while Lynn and Constantine silently cleaned up the room.

"Whew... You should be over it this time, right? Buddy, you nearly smashed my head apart."

With a clatter, Lynn swept the broken pieces of the television into the trash can. He looked up and stared fixedly at Constantine.

"...Fine. I'll compensate you. I don't know what you want..."

"Hello, my name is Lynn. Lynn Adrian."

"Uh..."

Constantine clearly was not used to Lynn's abrupt shifts in behavior. After staring blankly for a moment, he reached out and shook Lynn's hand. "Constantine. John Constantine. I..."

"Can you get souls? Souls of hell demons."

"Uh... I can. Why are you asking..."

"Give me ten."

"...Three."

"Eight."

"Five."

"Deal."

The flail swung down and struck the floor, sealing the deal.

"Then can we talk about why you were targeting me now, Mr. Constantine?"

Looking at the flail that had struck a small pit into the floor right before his feet, Constantine suddenly realized that he might have been tricked.

"A misunderstanding."

Constantine said sincerely, "This was all a misunderstanding."

This is yesterday's missed update. Tonight's two updates will proceed as normal.

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Also, please don't let the book sit unread. I still haven't gotten any recommendations, and it could easily die that way.