Then I'll Call You Dumb Dumb

Qian Guang felt as though the entire world bore him malice. He had been here so long without encountering a single girl with long, straight black hair, and the first one he met was a turtle?

He could not accept it. Neither could his hair. Today, either this turtle was done for, or its hair was.

"Sir, can you tell Turtle Lord... how Little Turtle offended you?"

Just as Turtle Lord was about to pull his head back into his shell, he realized he could not move. He swallowed and asked in a trembling voice.

Damn it! This person was terrifying! So brutal!

For some reason, he had suddenly started hitting Turtle Lord's shell, and it hurt like hell! Now he was even holding scissors. Did he think Turtle Lord was too handsome and wanted to snip him?

No! Turtle Lord was still a child of unknown age!

"Hehehehe. Long, straight black hair."

Qian Guang gave it no chance to resist. He went from someone who had never used scissors to a master of the craft in an instant.

"Snip, snip, snip."

"Ahhh! No! My hair, my pride and joy!"

"Damn you! Damn you, did you hear me?! Turtle Lord is getting angry!"

"Sir! Please spare my hair! It's Little Turtle's second life! Little Turtle doesn't want to be as plain and unremarkable as other turtles!"

"Waaah..."

Facts proved that when people were extremely angry, they could do anything except math.

For example, this bastard—no, this turtle—successfully acquired a proper turtle haircut!

Though the turtle had been extremely angry during the haircut and broke free of its restraints, gaining several scars on its head. They were minor injuries, so kindhearted Qian Guang casually healed them.

"Whew, cutting hair really is tiring. I won't let Mira cut hair next time. I'll do it for her."

Qian Guang looked at his masterpiece with satisfaction.

"Waaah... Turtle Lord has become an ordinary turtle."

"Stop crying and whining. They're just a few hairs. Would I have touched you if you'd changed your style or color?"

"Besides, how could an ordinary turtle talk?"

Turtle Lord looked pitifully at Qian Guang, then at his glossy black hair, and felt even sadder.

"You're just jealous because Turtle Lord suits this hairstyle better..."

Turtle Lord's voice grew quieter and quieter as he watched the human produce a knife from thin air!!!

Good grief, were humans this scary now? How long had Turtle Lord slept? Hundreds of years?

"Go on. Keep talking. I happen to feel like eating turtle jelly tonight."

To make himself more intimidating, Qian Guang also took out a whetstone.

Though Turtle Lord had no idea what turtle jelly was, it had "turtle" and "eat" in it, so it definitely had something to do with him!

His life came first.

He pulled his neck in and became a turtle hiding in its shell.

Qian Guang did not bother arguing with the turtle and tapped its shell with his knife.

"Get up and move somewhere else. I need to get to work."

He had not forgotten that there were dozens of moles inside. He suspected this turtle was an accomplice. After all, who else was supposed to deal with the moles if the turtle shell could not be broken?

Turtle Lord trembled. He had already retreated into his shell, and this guy still would not let him rest. Sir, it was winter! Turtle Lord needed to hibernate!

Did he know how despairing it was for a turtle to wake up and find that winter had not ended yet?

Did he know how despairing it was for a turtle to use all the energy it had painstakingly stored to repair its shell, then go hungry?

Turtle Lord reluctantly poked out his head. His tiny eyes were filled with enormous resentment.

"What are you looking at?! Move yourself!"

Qian Guang acted like a tyrant. You were not as cute as deer, nor were you fluffy. What were you putting on airs for? You were an old bastard turtle of unknown age.

Turtle Lord had such a hard life.

A magic circle lit up beneath Turtle Lord, and his body slowly shrank until he was the size of a sea turtle.

Qian Guang stared in astonishment. This turtle had given him too many surprises. He had never seen size-altering magic before, but this turtle could use it. Too bad he could not see through its magic circuits.

"Turtle Lord, you know this kind of magic too? I thought you were just big and hard. Can you make other people smaller?"

Qian Guang vaguely remembered that one of Zeref's subordinates could use size-altering magic. She had even been Lucy's family maid. He wondered whether she was around yet.

"Turtle Lord is only a turtle. This is just for sleeping more conveniently."

"Tch, useless."

Since it was not the answer he wanted, Qian Guang kicked it over and walked into the cave.

Turtle Lord: I'll **** you, you **!!!

٩(๑`^´๑)۶

Can't get up...

"Aaaaaaah!"

Before he saw its shadow, he heard its scream.

This time, Qian Guang briefly sealed off the space. It consumed a lot of magic power, but he had no choice. If they escaped, he would have to catch them again.

Who knew what these moles were thinking? Did they consider this place too safe or something?

There had just been such a huge commotion, yet they had not run. Their intelligence was on par with the turtle outside.

Now they could not escape even if they wanted to.

In the darkness,

Countless eyes stared at Qian Guang. This place really was huge. Each mole was five meters tall—how many did it hold?

Qian Guang did not bother counting. Since this place was sealed off, his spatial perception could clearly detect their locations. He did not need his eyes at all.

A magic circle lit up beneath his feet, and blue-white ice instantly covered the surroundings.

He was a cautious man. He could not let carelessness get him killed.

Thorn Forest

Ice-Make Magic instantly entered crowd-clearing mode. Blue-white thorns transformed into Death's scythes, harvesting one wretched yellow mole after another.

The originally blue-white color became blood-red, but that suited the name Thorn Forest even better.

"Ah!"

Seeing this scene, one enormous mole could not hold back any longer. Those were all its children!

The ice beneath Qian Guang's feet shattered instantly, and countless earthen spears shot toward him.

Unfortunately, they had encountered someone overpowered.

Qian Guang activated his Mangekyō,

Teleportation.

A punch!

Bang!

The enormous mole was hammered into the wall, its exposed hind legs twitching twice.

Whew. Seeing what this mole was like put Qian Guang's mind at ease. That turtle had nearly made him lose faith in himself earlier.

Still, this cave was pretty good. It had not collapsed even after that.

Qian Guang did not want to keep playing around at a leisurely pace. If these moles attacked together, they might cause trouble for people like Mirajane and Erza, but they were still lacking against him.

Most importantly, the Mangekyō and Space Lock really consumed magic power. Though in theory, he possessed the magic power of a Wizard Saint, he was probably the weakest among them.

It felt like the Sage Body's automatic growth had slowed more and more after he turned fifteen. Garbage! Bad review! It was nowhere near as useful as the Mangekyō!

Hurricane

The wind rose,

Howling winds began to reap lives nonstop, while Qian Guang kept teleporting around and finishing them off with his fists.

As one of the first types of magic Qian Guang learned, wind magic was firmly in the top tier, but that was about it. It was difficult to improve any further.

He could learn most magic, but he could generally only use it. The ones he was truly good at were spatial magic, wind, healing, plants, oh, and Amaterasu: Twenty-Eight Forms for showing off.

Hmm, that actually seemed like quite a lot when he counted them.

Not long after,

"Ah, it's been so long since I exercised. That felt great."

Qian Guang came out stretching, delighted. Most of the mission was already finished. All he had to do afterward was look for any stragglers.

He could go home for the New Year!

"Brat! Just wait until Turtle Lord gets up! Turtle Lord will sit on you and crush you to death!"

When Qian Guang came out, he saw that turtle still struggling to flip itself over, cursing nonstop and completely unaware that he had emerged.

He watched the turtle keep stretching out its neck to brace itself upright. Unfortunately, it failed every time, and the sight was incredibly painful to watch!

Idiot. Who told your shell to be so round? Now you could not get up, could you?

Qian Guang squatted behind its rear and watched.

"Damn it, he cut off Turtle Lord's handsome hairstyle without a word, then kicked Turtle Lord over."

"Hmph, just wait. Turtle Lord hasn't lived all these years for nothing. I'll gather a bunch of underlings and have them kill you!"

"Ahhh! Why can't I get up?! Turtle Lord wants to sleep!!!"

Qian Guang's face darkened as he listened. This thing had quite the filthy mouth. Who had taught it that?

He patted its belly.

"Who?! Who's trying to hurt Turtle Lord?!"

Turtle Lord stopped trying to prop himself up with his head and looked around to see who had patted him. If they were not too bright, he could trick them into flipping him over.

"Enough fooling around. I have a few questions for you."

"!!!"

"Turtle Lord isn't here!"

The moment Turtle Lord heard that nightmare-inducing voice, he pulled in his head. Why had this demon come back?!

Qian Guang looked helplessly at the turtle and wanted to grab its head with his hand.

He found the opening where the turtle's head went in, but he simply could not reach inside...

Was that really how turtles were built? And you claimed you were an ordinary turtle without hair!

Qian Guang raised an eyebrow. Flames flickered in his palm. "I'm just asking you a few questions. Once I'm done, I'll flip you over. Otherwise, you won't be able to sleep like this forever, right?"

Other people might truly have been helpless against this shell, but Qian Guang did not believe it could withstand spatial cutting. Still, he would scare it with fire first.

Turtle Lord cautiously poked out a little of his head to look. When he saw the flames, he was so frightened that he tried to pull back in.

Unfortunately,

Spatial Restraint!

The turtle's head was grabbed directly.

"Sir, sir, be gentle. That's my head."

Realizing he had been completely caught, Turtle Lord immediately switched to begging mode.

"Wouldn't it have been better if you'd done this from the start? Come on, I ask, you answer."

Seeing him surrender, Qian Guang changed from gripping his head to holding his neck.

"Why were you blocking the entrance?"

"Turtle Lord... Little Turtle was sleeping here. My body unconsciously grows larger when I sleep. It's uncomfortable, so getting wedged in here is just right for sleeping."

Poor thing. He no longer dared to call himself Turtle Lord.

"How long have you been asleep? Did you know there were moles inside the cave?"

"I don't know. Turtle Lord is just a turtle. How would I know the time? Every time I woke up, there was food beside me. I ate it, then went back to sleep."

Turtle Lord's neck hung limply. He had given up!

"Then at least move around once in a while!!! Do you know how much damage these moles caused because of you?!"

A vein bulged on Qian Guang's forehead. This guy had embraced laziness way too naturally!

He shook the turtle's head frantically.

Turtle Lord immediately foamed at the mouth, white liquid flowing from his jaws.

"Don't... don't... sir... Turtle Lord is going to die!"

Qian Guang let go in disgust.

So dirty!

He decided to let this turtle go. Given how lazy this thing was, it was unlikely to have harmed anyone.

Still, it was an accomplice no matter what, so it needed some punishment.

Qian Guang thought of the future Beast King incident. He could not remember when it would happen, but he did not want it to occur. This turtle would make a pretty good shield, and it could change size on its own.

If he studied it, maybe he could even use it as a summoned beast. Besides, its smooth shell would probably feel nice to polish.

Perfect. He would take it with him!

"Hehehe, little turtle, come on. Shrink down and come with me."

Turtle Lord stared in terror at Qian Guang's perverted grin. He felt there was something wrong with this human. Very wrong!

Were people all this perverted nowadays? He was still a male turtle!!!

"Sir, can Little Turtle choose to refuse? Little Turtle eats quite a lot."

"It's fine. I can afford to feed you!"

"Little Turtle still has an elderly mother to support."

"Don't worry. You should have faith in your turtles' longevity."

"Little Turtle..."

Bang!

Qian Guang did not want to listen anymore and punched him directly on the head.

"Enough nonsense! Let's go!"

"No!"

"Oh, right—the name!"

Qian Guang crouched down and studied the turtle head carefully.

So ugly!

Then he looked at those eyes.

Ah!

Aqua, is that you?

Forget it. It was too wise-looking. Better not look anymore.

He patted the turtle head sympathetically. "From now on, I'll call you Dumb Dumb."

Dumb Dumb tilted his head. (●﹃●)?

Although he didn't know who this Aqua was, this turtle lord felt insulted.