Then I'll Call You Dumb Dumb

Qian Guang felt the malice of the entire world. He had been here for so long and still hadn't encountered a single black-haired beauty with straight hair. The first one he met was a turtle?

He couldn't accept it. Neither could his hair. Today, either this turtle was done for, or its hair was done for.

"Sir, could you tell Turtle Grandpa... how little Turtle Turtle offended you?"

Just as Turtle Turtle tried to pull his head back into his shell, he realized he couldn't move. He swallowed hard and asked in a trembling voice.

Damn it! This person was terrifying! So brutal!

For some reason, he had suddenly started hitting Turtle Grandpa's shell, and it hurt like hell! Now he was even holding scissors. Did he think Turtle Grandpa was too handsome and wanted to snip Turtle Grandpa?

No! Turtle Grandpa was still a child of unknown age!

"Hehehehe, black straight hair."

Qian Guang gave him no chance to resist. In an instant, he went from someone who had never used scissors to a master barber.

"Snip, snip, snip."

"Ahhh, no! My pride and joy, my hair!"

"Fuck you! Did you hear me? Turtle Grandpa is getting angry!"

"Sir! Please spare my hair! It's little Turtle Turtle's second life! Little Turtle Turtle doesn't want to be as plain and featureless as other turtles!"

"Wuwuwu..."

Facts proved that when people were extremely angry, they could do anything except math.

For example, this bastard—no, this turtle—had successfully acquired an authentic turtle haircut!

Though the turtle had become extremely enraged during the cutting and broken free of his restraints, leaving a few scars on his head. They were only minor wounds, and kind-hearted Qian Guang casually healed them.

"Whew, cutting hair really is exhausting. I won't let Mira cut it next time. I'll help her cut it myself."

Qian Guang looked at his masterpiece with great satisfaction.

"Wuwuwu, Turtle Grandpa has become an ordinary turtle."

"Stop crying. Quit whining. It's just a few hairs. If you'd changed your hairstyle or color, would I have touched you?"

"Besides, how could an ordinary turtle talk?"

Turtle Turtle looked pitifully at Qian Guang. Seeing his glossy black hair only made him even sadder.

"You're just jealous that Turtle Grandpa suits this hairstyle better..."

Turtle Turtle's voice grew softer and softer. He watched the human pull a knife out of thin air!!!

Good heavens, were humans this scary now? How long had Turtle Grandpa slept? Several hundred years?

"Go on. Keep talking. I happen to want turtle jelly tonight."

To make himself more intimidating, Qian Guang also took out a whetstone.

Though Turtle Turtle had no idea what turtle jelly was, it had the word turtle and the word eat in it. It definitely had something to do with him!

His life came first.

He tucked in his neck and became a turtle hiding in its shell.

Qian Guang didn't hold it against the turtle. He tapped its shell with the knife.

"Get up. Move somewhere else. I need to start working."

He hadn't forgotten that there were still dozens of moles inside. He suspected this turtle was an accomplice. After all, who was supposed to deal with the moles after breaking through this turtle shell?

Turtle Grandpa trembled. He had already retreated into his shell, yet he still couldn't rest in peace. Sir, it was winter! Turtle Grandpa needed to hibernate!

Did he know how despairing it was for a turtle to wake up and find that winter wasn't over yet?

Did he know how despairing it was for a turtle to finally eat enough energy, only to use it repairing its shell and leave itself starving?

Turtle Grandpa reluctantly poked his head out, his tiny eyes full of enormous resentment.

"What are you looking at? Move yourself!"

Qian Guang acted like a bully. You weren't even as cute as a deer, and you weren't fluffy either. Why were you acting all precious? You were some ancient old turtle for all he knew.

Turtle Grandpa's life was bitter.

A magic circle lit up beneath Turtle Grandpa. His body slowly shrank until he was finally the size of a sea turtle.

Qian Guang stared in astonishment. This turtle had given him far too many surprises. He had never seen size-changing magic before, yet this turtle could use it. Unfortunately, he couldn't see through its magic circuits.

"Turtle Turtle, you have this kind of magic too? I thought you were only big and tough. Can you make other people smaller?"

Qian Guang vaguely remembered that one of Zeref's subordinates could use size-changing magic. She had even been Lucy's family maid. He wondered if she was around yet.

"Turtle Grandpa is only a turtle. This is just for sleeping more conveniently."

"Tch, useless."

Since the answer wasn't what he wanted, Qian Guang kicked it over and walked into the cave.

Turtle Grandpa: I'll fucking kill you!!!

٩(๑`^´๑)۶

He couldn't get up...

"Ahhhhhhh!"

The sound came before the shadow.

This time, Qian Guang directly sealed off the space for a short while. Though the consumption was high, he had no choice. If they ran, he would have to catch them again.

He had no idea what the moles were thinking. Did they think this place was too safe, or something?

There had been such a huge commotion just now, yet they hadn't fled. Their intelligence was on the same level as the turtle outside.

Now they couldn't run even if they wanted to.

In the darkness,

Countless eyes stared at Qian Guang. This place was really huge. Each mole was five meters long—how many could it hold?

Qian Guang didn't bother counting. He had sealed this place off anyway. His spatial perception could clearly detect their locations, so he didn't need his eyes at all.

A magic circle lit up beneath his feet, and blue-white ice instantly spread across the surroundings.

He was a cautious person. He couldn't let carelessness get him killed.

Thorn Forest

Ice-Make Magic instantly switched into mob-clearing mode. Blue-white thorns became Death's scythes, harvesting the lives of one sneaky yellow mole after another.

The originally blue-white thorns had turned blood-red, but that suited the name Thorn Forest even better.

"Ah!"

Seeing this scene, a massive mole could no longer endure it. Those were all its children!

The ice beneath its feet instantly shattered, and countless earthen spears shot toward Qian Guang.

Unfortunately, it had encountered a cheater.

Qian Guang directly activated his Mangekyō,

Teleportation.

One punch!

Bang!

The massive mole was smashed into the wall. Its exposed hind legs twitched twice.

Whew. Looking at the mole, Qian Guang finally felt at ease. That turtle earlier had nearly made him lose all confidence.

Still, this cave was pretty good. It hadn't collapsed even after that.

Qian Guang didn't want to keep playing around slowly. If this group of moles attacked together, they might cause trouble for people like Mirajane and Erza, but they were still far from enough to threaten him.

Most importantly, the Mangekyō and Space Lock really consumed too much magic power. Though, in theory, he had the magic power of a Wizard Saint too, he was probably the weakest among them.

It felt like his Sage Body had been growing less and less automatically since he turned fifteen. Trash! One-star review! It wasn't even as useful as the Mangekyō!

Hurricane

The wind began to blow.

The howling gale continuously harvested lives, while Qian Guang kept teleporting around and finishing them off with his fists.

As one of the first types of magic Qian Guang had learned, wind magic was firmly in the top tier. But this was as far as it could go; it was difficult to improve any further.

He could learn most forms of magic, but generally only to a usable level. The ones he was truly proficient in were space, wind, healing, plants, and—oh—Amaterasu: Twenty-Eight Forms, which was useful for showing off.

Hmm, that actually sounded like quite a lot when he counted them.

Not long afterward,

"Ah, it's been so long since I exercised. That felt great."

Qian Guang walked out while stretching lazily. He was very happy, since most of this mission was already done. All that remained was to search for any stragglers.

He could go home for the New Year!

"You brat! Just wait until Turtle Grandpa gets up! Turtle Grandpa will sit on you and crush you to death!"

When Qian Guang came out, he saw that turtle still constantly trying to flip himself over. It was cursing nonstop, completely unaware that Qian Guang had already emerged.

He watched the turtle keep stretching out its neck to support itself, but it failed every time. The sight was incredibly painful to watch!

Idiot. Who told your shell to be so round? Now you couldn't get up, could you?

Qian Guang squatted behind its rear and watched.

"Damn it, he cut off Turtle Grandpa's handsome hairstyle without a word, then even kicked Turtle Grandpa."

"Hmph, just wait. Turtle Grandpa hasn't lived all these years for nothing. I'll call a bunch of underlings and have them kill you!"

"Ah!!!! Why can't I get up?! Turtle Grandpa wants to sleep!!!"

Qian Guang's face darkened. This thing had quite the foul mouth. He had no idea who it had learned that from.

He patted its belly.

"Who was that?! Who wants to harm Turtle Grandpa?!"

Turtle Grandpa stopped trying to prop himself up with his head and looked around in every direction to see who had patted him. If the person wasn't too smart, maybe he could trick them into flipping him over.

"Enough fooling around. I have a few questions for you."

"!!!"

"Turtle Grandpa isn't here!"

The moment Turtle Grandpa heard that nightmare voice, he immediately pulled in his head. Why had this demon come back again?!

Qian Guang looked helplessly at the turtle. He wanted to reach in and pull its head out.

But although the turtle's opening was right there, his hand simply couldn't fit inside...

Was that how turtles were built? And you said that without the hair, you were an ordinary turtle!

Qian Guang raised an eyebrow. Flames flickered in his palm. "I'm only asking you a few questions. Once I'm done, I'll flip you over. Otherwise, you can't sleep like this forever, can you?"

Others might truly have been unable to do anything to this shell, but Qian Guang didn't believe it could withstand spatial cutting. Still, he decided to scare it with fire first.

Turtle Grandpa secretly poked out a little of his head to look. When he saw the flames, he was so frightened that he tried to pull back in again.

Unfortunately,

Spatial Restraint!

The turtle's head was directly caught.

"Sir, sir, be gentle. That's my head."

Realizing he had been completely restrained, Turtle Grandpa immediately switched into begging mode.

"Wouldn't it have been better if you'd done this from the start? Come on, I ask, you answer."

Seeing him surrender, Qian Guang changed from grabbing his head to grabbing his neck.

"How did you end up blocking the entrance?"

"Turtle Grandpa... Little Turtle Turtle was sleeping here. When I sleep, my body unconsciously grows bigger. It's uncomfortable, so getting stuck like this is just right for sleeping."

Poor thing. Turtle Grandpa didn't even dare call himself Turtle Grandpa anymore.

"How long have you been sleeping? Did you know there were moles in the cave?"

"I didn't know. Turtle Grandpa is just a turtle, how would I know the time? But whenever I woke up, there was food beside me. I ate it, then went back to sleep."

Turtle Grandpa's neck hung limply. He had given up!

"Then at least move around a little!!! Do you know how much stuff those moles ruined because of you?!!!"

A vein popped on Qian Guang's forehead. This slacking off came far too naturally!

He violently shook the turtle's head.

Turtle Grandpa immediately foamed at the mouth, white liquid flowing from his mouth.

"Don't... don't... sir... Turtle Grandpa is going to die!"

Qian Guang let go in disgust.

So filthy!

He was prepared to spare the turtle. Given how lazy this thing was, it probably wasn't capable of harming anyone.

Still, it was an accomplice no matter what. It needed some kind of punishment.

Qian Guang thought of the future Beast King incident. He couldn't remember exactly when it would happen, but he certainly didn't want it to occur. This turtle would make a decent shield, and it could freely change its size.

If he studied it, maybe he could even use it as a summoned beast. Besides, it was so smooth that it would probably feel nice to polish.

Perfect. He would take it with him!

"Hehehe, little turtle, come on. Shrink down and follow me."

Turtle Grandpa looked at Qian Guang's perverted grin in terror. He felt that there was something wrong with this human. Very wrong!

Were people all this perverted now? He was still a male turtle!!!

"Sir, can little Turtle Turtle refuse? Little Turtle Turtle eats quite a lot."

"It's fine. I can afford it!"

"Little Turtle Turtle has an elderly mother to support."

"Don't worry. You should trust in turtles' longevity."

"Little Turtle Turtle..."

Bang!

Qian Guang didn't want to listen anymore and punched him directly on the head.

"Why are you talking so much nonsense? Let's go!"

"No!"

"Oh, right—the name!"

Qian Guang crouched down and carefully examined the turtle head.

So ugly!

Then he looked at those eyes.

Ah!

Aqua, is that you?

Never mind. It looked way too wise. Better not look.

He pityingly patted the turtle head. "From now on, I'll call you Dumb Dumb."

Dumb Dumb tilted his head. (●﹃●)?

Although he had no idea who Aqua was, Turtle Grandpa felt offended.