I Have a Plan

Who is this Silly Bird?

The moment Parker saw Deadpool, his first thought wasn't that his identity had been exposed, but rather that he was shocked by Deadpool's Silly Bird and dazzling personality; no one dared to be number one if he were number two.

"Who are you?"

"I am Wade Wilson, the captain of the superhero team 'X-Force,' and fans call me Deadpool. Parker, we've been watching you ever since you were bitten by the spider. Congratulations, you're a qualified hero and deserve to be one of us."

Deadpool, rambling on, pulled a chair from the desk, crossed his legs, and sat down in front of Parker, rocking back and forth.

"Uh, this chair..."

"I know, this is your property. Don't worry, we're a team of superheroes, nobody will take your chair." Deadpool said, shaking his butt vigorously. "I've never seen a worse chair, but I like it. It creaks and groans, like I've conquered it."

"No, what I mean is that this chair cannot..."

"Can't what? Use force? Sorry, I love using force! Hehe, I can use even more force!"

Bang!

"Ah!! Help, help me! My butt, I can't feel my butt! Ahh..."

Deadpool on the old, dilapidated wooden chair, breaking it in two. A section of the chair leg stuck straight into his buttocks, causing him to writhe on the ground in agony, letting out heart-wrenching screams.

"..."

Parker shrugged, his depressed mood improving considerably.

"Hey, good neighbor of New York City, what are you grinning about? Come help me right now." Deadpool turned his backside towards Parker, pleading for help while whining.

(._.)

Parker looked grave, caught in a dilemma and struggle. His sense of justice prevented him from ignoring the victim, so he reached out a helping hand and gripped the chair leg tightly.

"Hey Parker, what happened? How did you manage to mess up the door like this?" The landlord stormed in, only to be stunned by the scene inside.

(////) X1

(￣□￣;)X2

"Sorry to bother you, Parker. The repair cost will be deducted from your rent deposit. Also... don't worry about me telling anyone. In fact, I don't discriminate against anyone. Really, just be quieter next time."

The landlord's expression changed slightly. He smiled awkwardly, pretended to be calm, covered his private parts, and remained highly vigilant as if guarding against a thief, slowly retreating towards the outside.

"No need, I'll pay for the repairs." Just then, Russell appeared at the door, took out a roll of Franklin from his pocket, counted out five bills, and threw them into the hallway.

"God bless you, generous sir, you can do whatever you want with this room!" The landlord pounced and picked up five banknotes, afraid Russell would change his mind, and disappeared down the corridor in a flash.

In terms of speed, he has the potential to become a superhero!

"I remember you, you were the one on the train..."

Upon seeing Russell, Parker's face immediately lit up with joy. He struggled to find the words to begin, as he still did not know Russell's name.

"Help, come help me!" Deadpool braced himself with his hands on the ground, turned around, and moved toward Russell.

"No problem, I like helping others." Russell chuckled, accelerated his run-up, leaving an afterimage in his wake, and kicked the chair leg with a flying kick.

Pfft!

The scene was too beautiful. Parker covered his weak and helpless eyes, heard a shrill scream, and then the room fell completely silent.

Inside the room, Deadpool lay sprawled on the floor, his head embedded in the wooden wall, silent and still, perhaps dead.

Russell and Parker chatted casually, and the atmosphere was quite good. Ignoring that Silly Bird, they got along very well.

"The so-called X-Force is a hero team composed of superhumans. The one bleeding in the corner is the captain. You can call him Deadpool, or you can call him Wade, or even Silly Bird guy."

Parker scratched his head. "Uh, what should I call you?"

Didn't I say that?

"..."

"Fine, I'll say it again. My name is Russell. Forgetful Spider-Man, did you remember that this time?"

"..."

Parker paused for a moment. To be honest, he had no interest in this so-called X-Force. Their strength was enough to deter him, and he felt it was best to stay away.

"Unlike other superhero organizations, our X-Force doesn't have a fixed territory. Instead, we travel through various universes, appearing wherever evil exists. Yes, we are Justice... cough cough, the Watchers of Justice!"

"Forget it, I don't want to leave New York." Parker shook his head and refused. Traveling the world was absurd, but he believed it. "Besides, just New York City alone has exhausted me, let alone other places."

"It's okay, we won't force you. You can call me anytime you think it through."

As Russell spoke, he grabbed Deadpool's legs, forcefully pulled his head out of the wall, waved to Parker, and then dragged Deadpool away down the corridor.

Two minutes later, Parker came to his senses, staring in disbelief. "Damn it, you should have left me your phone number!"

When Parker dashed out of the apartment building like a whirlwind, he couldn't find Russell and Deadpool anymore. He was even thinking of asking them for help to find Mary Jane together!

"I was so stupid..."

"I was so stupid!"

Deadpool, clutching his butt, sat on the rooftop of a building and launched into a tirade against Russell: "You used your terrible acting to tell Parker that the X-Force captain is a Silly Bird and that he'd be crazy to join us!"

"But you're Silly Bird!"

"That was just a facade to mislead the enemy. Normally, I'm not Silly Bird..." Deadpool said, then covered his face and started sobbing, "My beloved Parker is gone. Without him, what's the point of forming the X-Force? I'm done playing, I'm going home!"

"Etc!"

Russell grabbed Deadpool's shoulder. "Dude, you've got it all wrong. Actually, I did all that on purpose just now, just to make Parker wholeheartedly join us."

"You deliberately made me a Silly Bird?"

"Yes, it's Silly Bird!"

Before Deadpool could react, Russell said irritably, "Wade, you're a Silly Bird. Instead of pretending and hiding to trick Parker into joining the team, you might as well just show yourself. The more useless the X-Force, the more Parker will despise you, and the smoother the plan will go."

"Sorry, I didn't understand."

"It's not your fault, after all, you're a Silly Bird."

"Wow, I understand that sentence."

"..."

Seeing Deadpool suddenly become inexplicably smug, Russell's eye twitched. He didn't know if Deadpool was genuinely stupid or just pretending to be crazy, so he ignored him and went straight to the point. "Human nature cannot tolerate the blemishes on something beautiful, but what if it was full of black spots from the beginning?"

"Got it, buddy."

Deadpool slapped Russell's thigh and yelled excitedly, "Because we're rotten to the core, instead of pretending to be perfect, we'd better make Parker despair of us from the start, and then gradually show our good side. That way, he'll change his first impression and think that the X-Force is actually not bad, and then gradually change his opinion of us until he completely accepts us."

"That's right!"

"Russell, my good brother, you're a fucking genius!"

"Yeah, you too, you fucking!"

"Oh la la~~~"

Deadpool thought the plan was feasible and excitedly jumped and sang. After a while, he came to his senses and looked confused. "Wait a minute! Dude, do we have a shining side?"

"Uh... everyone except you."

"..."

"Don't worry!" Russell said calmly, as if he had everything under control. "Parker is looking for Doctor Octopus because his goddess Mary Jane was..."

"Wait a minute, who is this Mary Jane bitch? Parker's goddess should be me!"

"Wade, you have to face reality. Parker's orientation is normal. He can't possibly fall in love with you."

"I don't care!"

Russell rolled his eyes, too lazy to waste words with him, and continued, "Parker and Doctor Octopus are evenly matched, but Doctor Octopus has Mary Jane as a hostage. Parker will be hesitant to act and definitely can't beat him. When the time comes, the two of us will make a dazzling appearance and help him resolve the crisis."

Deadpool nodded frantically. "I'll stage a hero-saves-the-damsel-in-distress scene, and Parker will fall madly in love with me. Then I'll invite him to join the team, and he'll agree after a couple of hesitant gestures."

"..."

Russell took a deep breath. "Wade, if you dare to interrupt again, I'll shove Doctor Octopus inside you."

Deadpool sat obediently with his hands on his knees, raised his hand to his mouth and made a zipping motion to indicate that he would not waste any words.

"We helped Parker rescue Mary Jane, which put him in a debt of gratitude, but that only makes it harder for him to refuse us. We're still a ways off from a successful invitation."

Russell gave a sinister smile as he said this, "That's where Mary Jane's help comes in. That woman is extremely career-driven and desperately wants to become a famous actress. She needs flowers, applause, flashing lights, and a whole host of compliments, and all of that... well, Parker can't give her any of that."

"In fact, as a busy superhero, Parker can't even give Mary Jane the most basic time alone. Their relationship is doomed sooner or later, and the blow to their love will leave Parker heartbroken..."

"Now is the perfect time for us to show up and invite him to join the team!"

Deadpool, lost in Russell's beautiful fantasy, slurped and drooled, then clapped enthusiastically. "Russell, I love you!"

Russell gestured for Deadpool to calm down, then added calmly, "To prevent any deviations from the plan, I've prepared a second option, which is... Venom!"

Deadpool raised his hand and answered, "Professor Russell, I know, I know. Letting Parker wear Venom and become an anti-hero without moral constraints will allow him to fit in with us more perfectly."

Russell nodded, a pleased smile spreading across his face, "Wade, you've grown."

"Uh, but that was my original plan!"

"..."

Russell coughed lightly. "Enough talk, take out the Venom, and let's begin the second part of the plan now."

"Wait, buddy, isn't Venom with you?"

"Huh, when did I get here?"

"..."

"Fcuk!!" X2