Liu Zheng, Fuck Your Grandpa!

"Human, fuck your grandpa."

Along with the French Plane Tree's shrill scream, its branches and leaves rapidly withered and yellowed.

Many wrinkles appeared on the French Plane Tree's face as well.

Though it was clearly summer, the French Plane Tree looked as though winter had arrived.

"Hahaha!"

Liu Zheng laughed even louder than the tree screamed.

A favor was a favor, and a grudge was a grudge.

The French Plane Tree had set so many traps for him. Did it really think he didn't hold grudges?

Liu Zheng had brought Tindalos over just to see whether the Hound could scare the tree and help him vent some frustration.

He hadn't expected it to work so well.

"Now we're even."

He spoke with satisfaction.

"Stupid human, do you think you're only harming me?"

The fury vanished from the French Plane Tree's face, replaced by a strange smile.

"What?"

Liu Zheng immediately sensed trouble.

But before he could react, the Hound suddenly lowered its head and looked at a patch of black soil.

A piece of bark had been stuck into the black soil.

Natasha Marceau was buried beneath it.

"Bravo! Looks like that box of Maotai will go to waste."

The French Plane Tree gloated.

"Didn't you promise to keep her safe for me?"

"I did promise to keep her safe, but only within my capabilities."

"I'm doing well enough just protecting myself from this dog. You want me to drive it away? Impossible. The rules won't force a tree to do what it can't."

The French Plane Tree spoke unhurriedly.

Liu Zheng had always used the rules to screw it over. At last, it was the tree's turn to use the rules against this human.

"Stop it for me, and I'll give you another box of Maotai."

Liu Zheng said decisively.

"Even if you gave me another bottle of Vlad III, it'd be useless. I really can't beat it."

The French Plane Tree refused to take the bait.

"Ross, come back!"

He tried to call the Hound back, but the Hound ignored him.

It was already good enough that the Hound hadn't eaten him. Did he really think he was its master?

"Fuck, now I really look like a clown."

Liu Zheng was rarely this annoyed.

Every previous crisis had been forced upon him by circumstances, but this time, he had brought trouble on himself.

"I can hold out for one minute at most. If you can't think of a solution within a minute, then consider yourself unlucky."

"I'll tell every bird about your glorious deeds and let the whole world know how stupid you humans are. Hahaha!"

Amid the French Plane Tree's mad laughter, the Hound shoved aside the black soil, revealing the root cage beneath it.

Through the gaps, Liu Zheng could see the tiny coffin, as well as the tiny corpse inside it.

"Awooo!"

The Hound let out an unhappy roar and viciously tore at the roots.

Roots harder than steel were like tofu beneath the Hound's fangs.

Yet every time one root was bitten through, another quickly replaced it, temporarily blocking the Hound.

"What can I possibly do?"

Liu Zheng sighed.

Even the French Plane Tree could only take a beating, let alone him.

He was merely a human tool accompanying the Hound on a walk. Ross would never listen to him.

Huh? Obedience?

Liu Zheng suddenly remembered the Mini People's two remarks.

"Ross is extremely generous to those it likes."

"Ross is a good dog."

How did wolves become dogs?

He remembered a skinny wolf from Hoh Xil in the real world. Tourists had force-fed it egg yolk pies until it became a fat dog. Apparently, it had even learned to roll over and show its belly.

Liu Zheng opened the Legendary Delivery Box. Inside was a replicated serving of Garlic Mi-go Brain.

If the master loved this food, then the pet should love it too, right?

He gritted his teeth and walked to the edge of the black soil.

A flicker of disappointment crossed the French Plane Tree's face.

"Good doggy, dinner's ready."

Liu Zheng tapped the plate with a spoon, producing a crisp ring.

"Aw?"

The Hound stopped biting and turned back in confusion.

"Fresh brain, just like your master's."

He tempted the Hound.

"Aw~"

The Hound cheered, turned around, and pounced in front of Liu Zheng.

"Sit."

The Hound obediently sat down.

"Shake tentacle."

The Hound extended a paw and sliced Liu Zheng's tentacle into three pieces.

Fine. He would assume it hadn't done that on purpose.

"Eat, eat."

Liu Zheng placed the plate on the ground.

The Hound eagerly extended its tongue.

The hollow tube of its tongue wriggled constantly. The brain rapidly shrank at a visible rate until only a thin skin remained.

"Aw aw aw~"

The Hound let out a long howl.

It was obvious that the meal had made the Hound very happy.

The Hound rubbed its head against Liu Zheng's face, then left the black-soil area.

The tension in Liu Zheng's chest finally eased.

"Aw?"

The Hound raised a paw and pointed at the French Plane Tree.

The French Plane Tree's relieved heart leaped back into its throat.

"That one? No, no, no. We're not enemies. We're fucking bros. We were just joking around."

Liu Zheng glanced at the tree with a half-smile.

"Yes, yes, we're fucking bros."

The French Plane Tree wore a fawning smile, too angry to speak out.

"Aw."

The Hound nodded as if it understood, then spat out a bone.

"Name: Ross's Chew Toy (Single-use)"

"Type: Item"

"Quality: Excellent"

"Effect: After being thrown, can summon a Tindalos Hound for three minutes."

"Note: Please be aware that the summoned one may not necessarily be Tindalos himself."

"Can be brought out of the instance: No"

What a devastating weapon.

Liu Zheng happily picked up the bone.

"Aw."

Ross extended a paw and pointed at the bone whistle around Liu Zheng's neck.

"Sigh, I knew it couldn't be this good."

Liu Zheng sighed and removed the bone whistle, handing it to the Hound.

With the bone whistle, this chew toy was a guided missile.

Without the chew toy, the whistle became a portable nuclear launcher.

The whole idea was that if everyone died, then death was truly death. If you died, I died too.

Though there was a chance of summoning Tindalos, judging from its Excellent rating, that chance clearly wasn't very high.

"Aw~"

Ross patted Liu Zheng's shoulder, then turned into a cloud of smoke and vanished.

"Finally done walking the dog."

He wiped away cold sweat that wasn't there.

"Human, I'm fucking killing you!"

The moment the Hound left, the French Plane Tree immediately turned hostile.

Its face twisted as countless roots and branches intertwined, forming something like a gaping abyssal maw.

"I'll throw it, you know?"

Liu Zheng raised the bone.

"You wouldn't dare. That dog would eat you along with me."

The French Plane Tree said confidently.

"That's fine. At least you'll keep me company in hell."

"When I'm being fried in boiling oil, you can serve as the firewood."

He said cheerfully.

"Hmph, who wants to go to hell with you? Disgusting."

The French Plane Tree spat and withdrew its roots.

"Don't be mad. I didn't expect things to turn out like this either. I'll get you a good bottle of liquor later."

Liu Zheng tried to placate the tree.

"Cut the bullshit. Don't think I don't know what nasty scheme you're plotting."

The French Plane Tree didn't buy it.

"I want two bottles."

"Sure, sure. Two bottles it is."

He readily agreed.

"Get lost, get lost, get lost. I'm annoyed just looking at you. Stupid human."

A root wrapped around Liu Zheng, then flung him away with all its strength.

He shot off like a cannonball and landed two kilometers away.

"Ow, ow, ow."

Liu Zheng bared his teeth as he rubbed his completely smashed ass.

"So temperamental. Do trees get periods too?"

He sat on the ground and waited for his tailbone to heal, then limped toward the restaurant.