The Tree Is Talking

"Boss."

He called out, but got no response.

He knocked again. Half a minute later, the door opened.

"What is it?"

Cow-Horse asked impatiently.

"Doesn't the restaurant provide transportation?"

Liu Zheng asked.

"No. We don't need it."

Cow-Horse shook their huge head.

After all, their lower body was a horse's.

Judging by the length of their legs, their running speed was probably no worse than that of a real-life Akhal-Teke horse.

"What about the human employees?"

"You should get going. If you leave any later, you really won't make it."

Cow-Horse shut the door.

Liu Zheng pursed his lips. It seemed he couldn't squeeze anything more out of Cow-Horse.

He picked up the delivery bag and headed toward the delivery passage.

The passage was pitch-black, without any source of light.

The floor seemed to be made of some special material too. He made no sound at all as he walked across it.

In an environment like this, let alone figuring out his bearings, staying sane was already impressive enough.

Liu Zheng cautiously held his arms out to the sides and found that he could just barely touch the walls on both sides.

The texture was strange, somewhat like a squishy slime stress toy, but much harder.

If he wanted something to anchor himself mentally, bracing himself against the walls as he walked would have been a good idea.

But he had no intention of walking that way.

Liu Zheng lowered his arms and let himself sink into the boundless darkness.

While learning about ALS, he had also picked up plenty of other medical knowledge. One of them was called Desensitization Therapy.

Simply put, allergens were repeatedly injected into allergy patients, gradually inducing tolerance so they no longer reacted to those allergens.

Liu Zheng felt that Desensitization Therapy should work for psychological light and darkness as well.

Of course, if the system warned him that his "sanity was decreasing," he would stop in time.

Fortunately, Liu Zheng's tolerance for simple darkness and silence was unexpectedly high.

Besides, the passage was not completely silent.

Every so often, he could not help coughing and gasping.

At the same time, intense discomfort rose from his lungs and throat, declaring their existence.

The pain in his body became an anchor for his mind. What a dark joke.

After coughing for the seventh time, Liu Zheng finally left the passage.

The not-too-harsh sunlight shone into his eyes, giving him the feeling that a lifetime had passed.

He felt a little sorry for those former coworkers. He only had to endure three days, while they had to work for months or even decades.

Though they might not live that long.

After silently mourning his human compatriots he had never met for one second, Liu Zheng embarked on his food-delivery journey.

Just like when he had arrived, the streets were still completely empty.

There were no pedestrians, no vehicles, not even traffic lights.

If he had an electric scooter, he couldn't even imagine how happy he would be riding it.

Sadly, he couldn't.

"Hee hee hee."

A creepy melody rang out.

Liu Zheng took out his phone and saw that it was his ringtone.

"13871XXXXXX."

It matched his memory exactly. It was Cow-Horse's phone number.

"Boss, what is it?"

He pressed the answer button and asked.

"There's something I forgot to remind you about. If you need to use the bathroom outside, you have to do it beside plants, preferably trees or green belts."

Cow-Horse's booming voice rang out.

"I thought only dogs did that."

Liu Zheng grumbled.

"They have separate rules. They can only do it on pillar-shaped objects."

Cow-Horse hung up.

Well, that stereotype was pretty authentic.

Better not let dog lovers hear that, or they might piss on your leg.

Liu Zheng smiled and continued forward.

Cow-Horse had not needed to remind him so urgently. Before entering the instance dungeon, he had neither eaten nor drunk anything. His stomach was completely empty.

Even if someone forced his metabolism to work, he still wouldn't metabolize—

Huh, that's weird.

Liu Zheng stopped and clenched his corpus cavernosum.

Damn, I really feel it.

He looked around and discovered that the instance world still had quite a few similarities to reality. For example, the roadside trees were the same species as in real life, mainly camphor trees and French plane trees.

He even spotted several Chinese photinias. Luckily, it was not flowering season, or the whole street would have been filled with the scent of life.

Liu Zheng hurried over to a camphor tree and unzipped with one hand.

A faint yellow arc fell, splashing several droplets against the bark.

"Been eating too much spicy food lately?"

"Yeah, too much barbecue."

Liu Zheng replied casually, then turned around.

Not far away, a French plane tree was staring fixedly at him and at the tool of his crime.

"And it smells like alcohol. Is that Maotai?"

The French plane tree sniffed, and several pieces of bark fell off.

"Ascension Hair Moss 53°."

Liu Zheng silently pulled his pants back up.

"Good stuff. Hurry up and pour it into my mouth."

The French plane tree eagerly opened their mouth.

"Answer one question first."

"Ask, ask!"

"What exactly are you?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm a tree."

The French plane tree looked at him strangely.

Were humans these days really this stupid?

"Then why can't that one talk?"

Liu Zheng pointed at the camphor tree beside him.

"Because they're intellectually disabled."

The French plane tree replied.

"Intellectually disabled?"

"That's right. Every tree on this street is intellectually disabled. I'm the only one-of-a-kind genius."

The French plane tree said proudly.

"Even if they're intellectually disabled, why don't they have faces?"

He had noticed the crucial point.

"Intellectually disabled trees can't talk, so what would they need faces for? That would just waste nutrients."

The French plane tree answered matter-of-factly.

He had to admit, that made a certain amount of sense.

"Fine."

Liu Zheng shrugged, then turned to look for somewhere else.

"Hey, didn't I tell you to pour it into my mouth?"

The French plane tree shouted.

"I don't have a habit of pouring things into my own mouth."

He said without looking back.

"I'm not a human."

"Other trees are out too."

"What a pain. Tell me, what will it take for you to let me drink it?"

The French plane tree replied.

"I want a vehicle."

Liu Zheng stopped and tested the waters.

"No."

"An electric scooter."

"Still no."

"A bicycle, then?"

"No, no. I'm a tree, get it? A tree!"

The French plane tree shook their branches furiously, scattering leaves all over the ground.

"Then what can you give me? Hurry up, I need to deliver food."

Liu Zheng urged.

"I only have this."

A thick, long tree root drilled out of the soil and tossed a white crutch onto the ground.

Name: Human-Bone Crutch

Type: Equipment

Quality: Excellent

Effect: Increases movement speed by 10%.

Note: There was once a great swindler who loved selling crutches to perfectly healthy people. Later, someone broke his legs.

Can be taken out of the instance dungeon: Yes

A piece of equipment in exchange for a piss was an incredibly worthwhile trade.

But Liu Zheng did not immediately go over to pick it up. Instead, he looked at the tree root that had not withdrawn.

"I'll ask just in case—you aren't planning to eat me, are you?"

He asked, his eyes flickering.

This Human-Bone Crutch could not possibly have grown out of the ground.