Iron Can and Donut Diplomacy

Tony Stark had completely plunged into the feverish whirlpool of "homework." The 1974 Expo model was dismantled, scanned, and rebuilt countless times.

The holographic message Howard Stark had left behind was like a revelation. A brand-new stable structure that had never appeared on the periodic table—New Element—was clearly laid out before Tony.

He neglected food and sleep, his beard grew wild, and the lab was piled with energy simulation devices and molecular structure blueprints. Coffee cups and donut boxes were scattered everywhere.

"Sir, based on the data left by Mr. Howard Stark, the New Element core structure simulation has been completed. Preliminary energy output is projected to exceed the current Arc Reactor by 1,200 percent." JARVIS's voice carried a hint of admiration.

"1,200%?" Excitement burned in Tony's eyes, then dimmed slightly as he looked toward the dismantled first-generation circular reactor in the corner. "Unfortunately, the current armor designs simply can't handle an energy core on that level... Mark I through Mark III have all become outdated iron cans."

"Iron cans?" A lazy voice suddenly rang out from the lab doorway.

Tony jumped and turned around, only to see Xiao Han leaning against the doorframe at some point, holding a large tray of freshly baked powdered donuts and slowly munching on one. Sunlight streamed through the window behind him, outlining him in gold.

"Could you make some noise when you walk?" Tony complained, though his gaze was still irresistibly drawn to the donuts.

"Your lab is too noisy." Xiao Han walked in, casually set the tray on Tony's blueprint-covered workbench, then pulled over a stool and sat down. "Still messing around with this pile of scrap metal? Save it, Bearded Uncle. Flying around in an iron can—how is that more comfortable than lying down and sunbathing?"

"This is technology! The crystallization of human wisdom!" Tony grabbed a donut and stuffed it into his mouth, arguing through a full mouth. "It lets me break through the limits of physics, soar through the skies, and control power! It's much more reliable than your... your sunlight-dependent 'photosynthesis'!"

"Control power?" Xiao Han scoffed, picked up a donut, and gave it a gentle squeeze. The fluffy dough silently compressed between his fingers into a hard, dense little ball, while powdered sugar drifted down. "Like this? Relying on a metal shell?"

Tony stared at the donut compressed into something comparable to a solid rubber ball, and the corner of his eye twitched. "That's different! My armor represents replicable, improvable future technology that belongs to all humanity!" He waved a grease-stained hand. "Your power... is that of an unknowable monster!"

"Monster?" Xiao Han raised an eyebrow and casually flicked the donut ball toward an unused half-man-tall alloy steel ingot in the corner of the lab.

Thud!

An incredibly dull impact rang out. A shallow, smooth-edged dent had appeared on the surface of the solid steel ingot! The donut ball itself was completely intact, embedded right in the center of the dent.

Tony's grand declaration caught in his throat. He even forgot to chew the donut in his mouth. JARVIS spoke at just the right moment. "Sir, the kinetic energy of the projectile is estimated to be equivalent to that of a standard 40-millimeter grenade. Rockwell hardness readings on the steel ingot's surface have decreased by approximately 15 percent. I recommend reassessing the target individual's baseline physical destructive capability."

The laboratory fell silent, leaving only the sound of Tony swallowing with difficulty.

Xiao Han dusted the powdered sugar from his hands and stood up. "See? I can 'control power' without an iron can. More efficiently, too, and without charging." He walked to the door, then looked back and tossed out one last remark. "Oh, and lower the angle of the seventh resonant ring in your New Element core structure by another 0.3 degrees. Otherwise, when you ignite it for the first time, your pretty beard might get singed off."

Tony instinctively touched his beard. By the time he reacted and wanted to ask more, Xiao Han had already disappeared through the doorway, leaving behind only a tray of donuts and a "murder weapon" embedded in a steel ingot.

"JARVIS!" Tony lunged at the control console. "Pull up the data on the seventh resonant ring! Calculate the angle offset! Now!"

Several days later, Section B of the mansion's underground lab had completely turned into a battlefield of mechanical frenzy. Automated arms swung welding torches and cutters, sending sparks flying as the sounds of cutting metal, welding, and hissing pneumatic tools filled the air without pause.

On a massive holographic display, the design of a sleek, sharp-lined armor with a red-and-gold color scheme and an intensely futuristic feel was being rapidly assembled and revised. It was the all-new Mark IV, built specifically for the surging New Element energy core.

Tony wore a tank top and was covered in grease. Like an overexcited madman, he darted between piles of parts and holographic projections, constantly directing JARVIS to make minute adjustments.

"Expand the vector nozzles on the leg thrusters by another five percent! Increase the shoulder armor thickness, but reduce the weight! JARVIS, calculate the structural stress distribution during supersonic maneuvers!"

"Sir, the output of the New Element Core is extremely unstable. The armor structure is currently at the edge of its theoretical load limit..."

"Limits are meant to be broken!" Tony roared, his eyes bloodshot from excessive excitement and lack of sleep.

"Still tinkering with your iron coffin?" Xiao Han's infuriatingly lazy voice appeared at the lab door once again, ghostlike as ever. This time, he was not carrying donuts. He held a bottle of Tony's prized single-malt whiskey and took a drink straight from it.

"It's called Mark IV! A masterpiece that will change the era!" Without looking back, Tony focused on fine-tuning a chest armor component. "When it's done, I'll show you what real..."

"Real what? A flashy target in the sky?" Xiao Han cut him off mercilessly. He walked over to the pile of gleaming components, casually picked up a curved armor plate, and weighed it in his hand. "Hmm, the material's alright. A little sturdier than last time. But..." He lightly dragged a fingernail across its edge.

Scrrrt!

A clear scratch appeared across the hard alloy surface, as though a hot knife had sliced through butter.

Tony froze instantly, then spun around, his eyes nearly popping out. "What did you do?! That's a superalloy! It can withstand anti-tank rockets!"

"Oh?" Xiao Han looked innocent. "I was just testing its 'cosmetic' effect. Looks like it can't even withstand my nail polish? Bearded Uncle, your target's defenses need improvement." As he spoke, he casually tossed the scratched armor plate back into the pile of parts with a clang.

Tony could feel his blood pressure soaring. "You! Get out! My lab doesn't welcome troublemakers!"

"Don't get so worked up. You'll burst a blood vessel." Xiao Han slowly took another sip of whiskey. "I'm just giving you a reminder. Wear that thing outside, and if you run into a slightly tougher fingernail, be careful you don't end up like a sardine under a can opener."

He gave the bottle a little shake. "Good whiskey, thanks. Oh, and Pepper asked me to remind you: if you skip the video conference with Hammer Industries at three this afternoon one more time, she'll send your Mark I through Mark III straight to the scrapyard."

With that, Xiao Han ignored Tony's purple face and the wrench he was waving around, then swayed out of the smoke-filled laboratory.

Life in the mansion continued in a strange sort of balance. Pepper gradually learned the delicate boundaries of getting along with Xiao Han. She no longer tried to change his diet of sweets, instead making sure Happy bought enough varieties of donuts and kept them well stocked.

She discovered that although Xiao Han had a sharp tongue, he never interfered with her work efficiency or her "management" of Tony. Sometimes, when Tony's willfulness drove her to the brink, he would lazily drift by and say, "Pepper, want me to freeze Bearded Uncle on the roof until he clears his head?" The method was terrifying, but the results were often immediate.

Happy's vigilance gradually gave way, through Xiao Han's repeated "harmless" daily behavior, to a mix of awe, confusion, and a little familiarity. Once, Happy was sweating profusely as he worked a heavy bag in the mansion's underground boxing room. At some point, Xiao Han appeared, leaning against the doorframe and watching for a while.

"Your stance is unstable, and you put too much stiffness into your left hook. You look like an old man doing tai chi in the park," Xiao Han commented.

Happy stopped, wiped his sweat, and replied irritably, "What? Does the great Sun's Son know boxing too?"

"Don't know it," Xiao Han admitted frankly. "But I can tell your whole body is full of openings." He walked to the heavy bag, casually extended one finger, and lightly tapped its side.

Thud!

A deep, thunderous boom echoed out. The heavy bag, filled with iron sand and weighing hundreds of pounds, swung backward in an exaggerated arc like a pendulum struck by a massive hammer. The chain above groaned under the unbearable strain!

Happy stared dumbfoundedly at the violently swaying bag, which was nearly coming loose from its hook, then looked at Xiao Han's utterly ordinary-looking finger. His Adam's apple bobbed with difficulty.

"See?" Xiao Han withdrew his finger. "Too many openings. No matter how strong you are, it's useless." He patted Happy on the shoulder, nearly making the former boxer stagger. "Want to learn how to make people hurt the most with the least effort? I'll teach you a couple moves sometime. The fee... hmm, one dozen strawberry-frosted donuts."

Happy watched Xiao Han's departing back, then looked at the still-swinging heavy bag. For the first time, he felt that this "monster" did not seem quite so hard to get along with after all. At least his prices were fair.

One weekend afternoon, Tony once again buried himself in the lab for dangerous limit testing. After handling a mountain of accumulated paperwork, Pepper found herself with a rare moment of leisure. Sitting at the piano beside the living room's floor-to-ceiling windows, she began playing Debussy's "Clair de Lune." The music flowed like water through the quiet room.

For once, Xiao Han was not on the roof. Instead, he sat on the sofa in the corner of the living room, holding a... brightly colored issue of Playboy magazine. At the sound of the piano, his page-turning paused, and he looked up.

Pepper was focused on the keys and did not notice his gaze. When the piece ended, she let out a soft breath.

"Not bad." Xiao Han's voice suddenly rang out, startling Pepper.

Pepper turned around in surprise and saw Xiao Han close the magazine. His expression was blank, but there seemed to be a trace of... appreciation in his eyes? "You understand classical music?"

"Don't understand it." Xiao Han's answer was as direct as ever. "But this piece... sounds pleasant. Like the sound of wind blowing in from the sea while you're sunbathing." He stood and walked to the window, looking out at the blue ocean. "Much better than all that clanging noise in Tony's lab."

Pepper looked at his profile. Sunlight outlined his tall, straight figure, and at that moment, the air of cynicism and indifference around him seemed to have faded somewhat. Something stirred in her heart as she tested the waters. "Then... would you like to hear another one?"

Xiao Han did not turn around. He only gave a quiet "Mm."

Pepper's fingers fell upon the black-and-white keys again. This time, she played the brighter, more lively "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star Variations" by Mozart. The notes danced like sunlight glittering over ocean waves.

Xiao Han stood quietly by the window, his gaze cast into the distance. He seemed to be listening, yet also seemed merely immersed in his own world of sunlight. Only the graceful piano melody and the eternal rhythm of the waves outside remained in the living room.

Several days later, the "symphony" in Tony's laboratory reached its climax. Amid deafening mechanical roars and Tony's excited, pitch-shifting howl, the new Mark IV armor finally completed its final assembly and system self-check.

Its red-and-gold paintwork gleamed under the lights, its smooth lines brimming with power. The inverted triangular New Element reactor in its chest emitted a stable, powerful deep-blue glow.

"JARVIS! Initiate the suit-up procedure!" Tony spread his arms, his voice trembling with excitement.

Mechanical arms precisely and efficiently fitted the armor pieces onto Tony's body. The helmet closed, the faceplate lit up, and Tony Stark's voice came through the external speakers, carrying a metallic hum and unprecedented confidence. "Initiate flight test procedure! Destination: the Malibu coastline! Let's see your limits!"

The thrusters beneath his feet and in his palms spat out brilliant blue-white plasma flames. Under the powerful thrust, Mark IV slowly rose into the air and hovered in the middle of the laboratory.

Through the HUD inside his faceplate, Tony looked at the familiar lab around him, and a surge of heroic emotion rose in his chest. At last, he possessed power worthy of the name genius!

"Xiao!" Tony's voice carried obvious pride and challenge. "See that? This is what real..."

Before he could finish, a lazy voice clearly penetrated the armor's soundproofing and entered Tony's ears directly. "See what? An iron baby that just learned to walk and already wants to run?"

Tony nearly choked. He whipped his head around and, through the faceplate's enhanced visual system, saw that Xiao Han had somehow appeared at the lab entrance again. This time, he held a family-sized tub of ice cream, scooping up a large spoonful and stuffing it into his mouth as he watched the hovering red-and-gold iron can with great interest.

"Shut up! What do you know!" Tony snapped in humiliation. "JARVIS! Full-power thrust! Target... the roof! I'll let him get a close-up look!"

The engine hum instantly rose into a piercing shriek! Mark IV became a streak of red-and-gold light, charging upward with unstoppable momentum toward the tightly sealed alloy blastproof ceiling of the laboratory!

"Sir! The ceiling's structural strength cannot withstand maximum thrust! I recommend—" JARVIS's warning was drowned out by the engines' roar.

Tony saw only the figure standing in the doorway, leisurely eating ice cream. He had to prove it! Prove that human wisdom could create miracles!

Just as Mark IV was about to strike the ceiling, Tony hit the control button! The ceiling opened in an emergency release!

Like a shell fired from a cannon, the red-and-gold armor tore through the air, riding violent gusts and the furious roar of its engines as it blasted out of the lab and shot toward the mansion's rooftop terrace! Tony's goal was clear—hover directly over Xiao Han's head and let him properly admire this "crystallization of human wisdom"!

However, at the instant Mark IV burst out of the laboratory and into the blazing California afternoon sunlight.

Bzzzz—!

Every screen, indicator light, and HUD display inside the armor erupted in blinding white light! Sharp alarms shrieked miserably! Then, the blue-white flames of the thrusters went out in an instant, as though strangled by an invisible hand!

"Warning! Energy core output abnormal! Propulsion system offline! Navigation system offline! Life support system... offline! Sir, we are in free fall!" JARVIS's voice carried an unprecedented urgency.

"What?!" The pride on Tony's face was instantly replaced by terror! He felt his body suddenly sink as immense gravity pinned him hard against the seat!

Through his faceplate, he saw only the blue sky and the mansion roof rushing closer and closer! That damned beach chair was directly beneath him, growing rapidly larger!

The out-of-control Mark IV plummeted toward the terrace like a massive metal weight, carrying Tony's desperate scream with it!

On the terrace, Xiao Han had just scooped up a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream and put it into his mouth. He looked up at the smoking, spinning red-and-gold iron can falling toward him, then sighed helplessly.

"Sigh. Looks like I have to fix the roof again."

Before the words had even faded, he casually raised his empty left hand, spread his fingers, and lightly held it upward toward the several-ton armor plummeting at high speed.

There was no earth-shattering collision.

Time seemed to freeze in that instant.

The violently falling Mark IV abruptly stopped less than half a meter above Xiao Han's head, as though it had struck an absolutely motionless invisible sheet of water. The terrifying kinetic energy of its fall was absorbed in an instant, vanishing without a trace! The armor shell did not even groan from deformation.

The massive red-and-gold iron can was held steadily in midair by one utterly ordinary-looking hand. Sunlight fell across the cold metal shell and Xiao Han's calm face, creating a scene that was both absurd and overwhelmingly shocking.

Tony was tossed around inside the cockpit by the tremendous inertia, while the alarms in his helmet continued their piercing wail. Through his faceplate, he stared in terror at the calm, expressionless face just below him and the hand holding up his entire weight.

Xiao Han unhurriedly finished the ice cream on his spoon before lifting his head to look at Tony's eyes, wide with shock behind the faceplate. His voice passed clearly through the armor into Tony's ears, carrying undisguised disdain and helplessness:

"What did I tell you, Bearded Uncle?"

"This pile of iron cans of yours..."

"Really is noisy."