Chapter 29

The accompanying image was a photo of him as a child wearing split-crotch pants.

Shi Zhongye's face flushed bright red. "Who did this? Who did this? Come out!"

After circling around and leaving the blind spot, he saw a scene he had missed earlier.

In the grand high-ceilinged living room, enormous posters hung down in a herringbone formation. They featured the Weibo profile picture he had used for years and was most satisfied with: Wu Jing reaching out.jpg.

Beside them was a line of ornate script: Not every face deserves insurance.

Shi Zhongye was assaulted by the sight of his own giant face. Without realizing it, he crumpled the photo of himself in split-crotch pants in his hand.

[Ding, Malice Points +2]

[Ding, Malice Points +4]

[Ding, Malice Points +3]

Shi Jihan muttered, "He isn't happy? That can't be."

Could it be that he still hadn't met his narcissistic second brother's standards and failed to satisfy him?

No matter. He still had a backup plan.

He waved a hand and gave the order. Zhou Zeyang, who had once again been sent out on assignment, acknowledged it and hurriedly tipped an entire box of balloons down from the second floor.

Shi Zhongye's face filled the entire villa.

They were bright red, purple, yellow, and green, printed with Shi Zhongye's dazzlingly cheerful smile as they slowly floated past the real him.

Ah, so many Shi Zhongyes.

The Shi Family villa had turned into a Shi Zhongye limited-edition obsession room.

With a thud, the suitcase he had been dragging crashed to the floor.

Shi Zhongye's angry expression froze on his face. His brain felt as if it had been tossed into a washing machine and spun violently for eight hours. He was blank, as though his brainstem had gone missing and he could no longer think. His whole face possessed an abstract beauty on the brink of collapse.

"Find some free time↗~ find some time↘~ bring the children and come home often↗ to see↘!"

"Come home often↗ to see↘~ come home to see↗ see↘~~ even if it's just helping Mom wash the chopsticks and dishes~"

The three members of the Shi Family and the Zhou brothers slowly pushed out a cake cart glittering with tiny light bulbs.

Standing behind the cake, Shi Jihan pressed a hand to his chest and said sorrowfully in an operatic tone, "Second Brother, you're finally home. We! Missed you so much!"

As soon as he finished speaking, before Shi Zhongye could react, he lunged forward and gave him a huge hug, vigorously patting his back. "Brother, I missed you!"

As Shi Zhongye swayed from side to side under the pats, he finally saw the design on the enormous sixteen-inch, forty-centimeter-diameter cake.

Fuck, it was his face again.

It was still grinning wide, teeth showing.

He began to lose his mind, his sanity plummeting as though he no longer recognized his own face. Even his voice drifted. "Whose... idea was this?"

Shi Bochuan shyly turned his face away, unable to bear looking at his second brother's expression any longer.

Ahem. Yes, it had been his idea.

It couldn't be that he was the only one socially dying. They were family, so why couldn't his second brother experience the love between family members too?

They were brothers, after all.

Shi Jihan stuffed the cake knife into his second brother's hand and guided him forward. "Come on, Second Brother. Cut the first slice. Welcome home."

In a daze, Shi Zhongye was dragged by his third brother like a puppet to the cake, where he made the first cut.

The moment the knife touched it, the cake suddenly played a recording. "Gently! Don't hurt my face!"

Shi Zhongye sucked in a sharp breath, and the knife rolled to his feet.

Fuck, that was his voice.

Shi Zhongye looked at the talking cake. Ignoring the cake knife that had fallen to the floor, he closed his eyes and raised a hand.

Then he gave himself a resounding slap.

The whole world went quiet.

No one kept singing "Come Home Often" either.

It really was a dream. He knew it—whenever he dreamed about the other two brothers, nothing good ever happened.

Fine. He now declared that the dream was over. No more dreaming allowed. A trace of relief appeared at the corner of Shi Zhongye's lips.

Relaxed,

he opened his eyes.

"Fuck, why are you all still here?!" he screamed in despair.

[Ding, Malice Points +13]

Shi Jihan and 000 sucked in a breath.

My god, that was almost as much as a small task!

Second Brother really was a white-phosphorus personality.

"Listen to yourself. We've been here all along." Zhou Jingcheng picked up the cake knife from the floor, replaced it with a new one, and thoughtfully placed it in Shi Zhongye's hand. "That's the last knife. You don't want us eating cake with our hands, do you?"

"You can't use your hands!"

The thought of these people digging into a cake printed with his face using their bare hands made Shi Zhongye's eyes blaze with fury, his anger shooting up.

Zhou Jingcheng remained perfectly composed and raised a hand in invitation.

Having had his sore spot precisely seized, Shi Zhongye angrily raised the knife.

Watching from the side, Shi Jihan quietly sidled over to Zhou Jingcheng and murmured in ventriloquism, "You're kind of mean."

Zhou Jingcheng lowered his voice as well. "Didn't you start it?"

Shi Jihan immediately felt wronged. What? He absolutely had not.

He only wanted to raise his second brother's favorability. Who could blame him when his second brother's tastes were so bizarre? He was helpless too.

He made a zipping motion over his mouth at Zhou Jingcheng, signaling him not to talk nonsense.

Shi Zhongye took a deep breath, mentally prepared himself, and brought the knife down.

"Gently! Don't hurt my face!"

"Oh, come on! I told you to be gentle!"

Shi Zhongye went numb. With one stab, he pierced straight through the voice toy in the center of the cake.

Still not satisfied, he expressionlessly stabbed it three more times.

Every stab brought out another, "Oh, be gentle!"

Shi Zhongye: "..."

He stood in the shadows with the knife raised, like a shrimp-rice murderer on a rainy night.

[Ding, Malice Points +9]

Seeing the cake turn into a complete mess, Shi Jihan was heartbroken and hurriedly stopped him. "Come, come, I'll cut it." He couldn't let his delicious cake be ruined.

This time, he had specifically ordered mango pandan coconut milk jelly filling. It was delicious.

The knife in Shi Zhongye's hand was snatched away. Just as he was about to mock Shi Jihan to vent his anger, he saw the other man take the knife and slice off the hair on the cake's version of him in one stroke.

Shi Zhongye had become Shi Zhongye (Bald Edition).

The smooth bare head looked wonderfully cool and perfect for summer.

He could not take it anymore. "Shi Jihan!!"

Shi Jihan turned his head, his hand still moving as he made another cut. "Huh? What is it? You want this piece?" The movement pulled the cake-cutting knife along.

Shi Zhongye watched helplessly as the blade dragged through the cream, stretching the curve of his smiling mouth infinitely long in one swift stroke.

It turned into a pointy-chinned face with its jaw dropped in shock.

Even the hand he pointed at Shi Jihan was shaking. "I, you, you..." He could not even speak properly.

Was he really that angry?

Shi Jihan lowered his head and met the gaze of the pointy-faced smiling cake.

[Ding, Malice Points +5]

Trembling, he said to 000, [It seems... he does have a right to be mad.]

It was over. He had ruined his second brother's beloved face.

"Ah, um, well..." Shi Jihan desperately tried to patch things up, signaling everyone present with his eyes to hurry up and save him.

Damn it, say something!

Not a single person met his eyes. Everyone tacitly looked up at the ceiling.

Ah, those balloons really floated so Shi Zhongye-like.

Shi Jihan seethed. I'll kick every last one of you over!

Before Shi Zhongye could roll up his sleeves and start fighting, he had a flash of inspiration and thought of a joke to ease the mood. "Haha, that mouth is really wide open. Second Brother, did you know? Once someone steps on your foot, you'll scream and open your mouth wide, so you, uh, humans are the real trash cans, hahahahaha... ha... ha... ha..." His voice gradually faded away.

[Ding, Malice Points +6]

Listening to the Malice Points steadily rise and seeing Shi Zhongye's increasingly gloomy face, he stopped laughing halfway through and asked everyone in terror, "Was that not funny? Why aren't you laughing?"

Shi Bochuan, his husband, and Zhou Zeyang covered their faces, unable to bear watching any longer.

Shi Zhongye began searching the living room for handy weapons.

Today, only one of him and Shi Jihan would survive!

Just as his gaze landed on a baseball bat in the corner, someone gripped his shoulder.

When he turned around, he found his good brother Zhou Jingcheng behind him.

He immediately pointed at Shi Jihan. "Zhou Jingcheng, hold him down for me. I'm going to beat him to death today!"

Zhou Jingcheng asked, "Want some cake?"

Shi Zhongye: "Huh?"

Shi Zhongye: "What cake? I'm telling you to hold him dow—mmph!"

A layer of cake cream splatted across his face.

Shi Zhongye froze.

"I missed. Sorry, I meant to smear it all over your mouth." Zhou Jingcheng held an empty plate and apologized with complete sincerity. "Xiaohan ordered a really tasty cake. Try some."

"Zhou Jingcheng!!" Shi Zhongye finally snapped.

"You and Shi Jihan can go die together!!!"

He swung his fist and gave his brother two solid punches.

Shi Jihan was so frightened that he retreated again and again. "You, you hit him, so you can't, can't hit me anymore, okay?"

Zhou Jingcheng turned to look at him in disbelief. Who exactly was he trying to help out here?!

Why was he the only one getting hurt in the whole world?

After beating up his brother, Shi Zhongye stormed up to the second floor with cream all over his hair and face.

Halfway up, he remembered that he had forgotten his suitcase. He stood stiffly in place for three seconds, then went downstairs again with a belly full of rage. In front of everyone, he picked up his suitcase and huffed and puffed his way back upstairs.

Shi Bochuan softly said, "Bro, there's an elevator over there."

Under everyone's watchful eyes, Shi Zhongye's staggering back nearly toppled over. His vicious voice came from above. "I just love exercising, okay?!"

Shi Bochuan watched him struggle up the stairs with two large suitcases, practically using all four limbs. "Th-that works too."

Their Shi Family embraced all kinds of things, inclusive and open-minded, respecting every niche hobby.

After hauling both suitcases upstairs, Shi Zhongye was nearly out of breath. With the last of his strength, he rammed open the door to his bedroom.

Then he blanked out for a moment.

He had been so furious earlier that he had forgotten to ask Shi Bochuan and Shi Jihan whether he still lived here.