A Sapphic Dream Girl

"I don't get it," Kabi said honestly, shaking his head. "We energy beings don't have sexes or legs. As far as I'm concerned, your body structure is freakish enough already. Humans squeezed their pelvises so narrow just to walk upright that giving birth is like surviving a heavenly tribulation."

"You don't know shit."

Su Bai couldn't be bothered explaining it to an energy French fry.

He was about to add a few expert observations on how sock cuffs dug into flesh when a hushed shriek came from beside him.

"Ahhh, look at this! Lady Ziwei did it again!"

Three high school girls huddled around a phone, their heads pressed together.

"The vault! Tianhai Savings Bank's vault! She took down the whole gang by herself!"

"Those legs, that waist, the way she swung that scythe—I'm dead!"

"And look at her face! They only caught the lower half, but that jawline, those lips—perfection!"

"That purple-and-gold hair is just unfair. She's fierce and gorgeous. Where did this ultimate older-sister type come from?"

The short-haired girl clutched the phone, her cheeks flushed.

"I'm calling it: Lady Ziwei is my ultimate girl crush! A cool, powerful older woman like that? The sapphic vibes are off the charts. I'm in!"

Su Bai stopped short.

Sapphic vibes?

Girl crush?

He slowly turned toward the three girls shrieking in each other's arms.

No.

Wait.

I'm a man.

A man's man. Straight as an arrow. The kind of straight guy who was debating the finer points of thigh-high socks three minutes ago.

And they're calling a man's transformed form sapphic?

Su Bai felt his entire worldview take a hit.

Kabi burst into squealing laughter inside his head.

"Pfft, hahahaha! Master! A girl crush! Hahahaha!"

"What happened to the romance of being a tough guy? Your masculine ideals of beauty? Those girls want to date you!"

"Shut up," Su Bai said through gritted teeth. "Laugh again and I'll stuff you into an oden pot."

"Hahahaha, sorry, Master. I can't help it..."

Kabi laughed so hard he rolled off the lamppost.

Su Bai glanced at his watch, his face dark.

7:43.

"Oh, crap."

He took off running.

"Master? What's wrong?"

"Huimin Supermarket puts half-price stickers on the fresh food at eight," Su Bai said as he ran. "If I'm late, there won't even be a boxed meal left. You have no idea how fast those aunties are."

"...You just ate five bowls of oden."

"That was tonight's dinner. The half-price meals are tomorrow's breakfast and lunch. How is that the same thing?"

Kabi fell silent.

He was beginning to understand why the Will of the World had picked the wrong person. Su Bai's obsession with money truly transcended species.

Huimin Supermarket, fresh food section.

The air-conditioning was blasting.

Su Bai pushed a shopping cart into the perfect position: he could watch the prepared-food counter and keep an eye on the boxed-meal shelves.

Seven or eight aunties had already gathered nearby, each holding a reusable bag and scanning the shelves again and again.

The tension was palpable.

At 7:55, a stock clerk in a red vest approached with a stack of yellow stickers.

The aunties all leaned forward at once.

Su Bai tensed too.

Just then, two familiar figures caught the corner of his eye.

By the snack shelves, Su Xiaoxiao and Xia Ning stood with their heads together.

Su Xiaoxiao wore her old star-shaped hair clip and held up two new ones to compare.

"Ningning, which looks better? The blue one or the purple one?"

"Purple, maybe," Xia Ning said softly. "Purple is Lady Ziwei's fan color."

"Good point!"

Su Xiaoxiao clipped the purple one into her hair and checked her reflection in the shelf mirror.

"Oh, Ningning, did you see the news? What happened at Tianhai Savings Bank just now?"

"I did." Xia Ning lowered her voice. "I heard Lady Ziwei handled it alone. More than a dozen armed thugs, all taken out."

"That's not even all of it!" Su Xiaoxiao gestured excitedly. "Someone in my group posted photos from the scene. The vault ceiling was three meters of alloy plating, and she stomped right through it!"

"With one kick! Is that how powerful a Magical Girl is? That's terrifying!"

Listening from the fresh food section, Su Bai's mouth twitched.

"Xiaoxiao, do you think..." Xia Ning hesitated. "When will we become people like Lady Ziwei?"

"We will, we will!" Su Xiaoxiao patted her chest. "I'm already writing the second edition of my Transformation Guide! I've added tons of new rules this time. Transformations need their own background music, and entrance lines have to rhyme... This time, I'm definitely becoming a Magical Girl!"

The two girls chattered as they headed toward the chilled-food case.

Su Xiaoxiao made straight for the discounted boxed meals.

"Ningning, I'm telling you, this store's teriyaki chicken-leg meal goes half-price after eight. My brother loves it—"

Crack.

A sharp sound rang out.

The glass door at the far end of the chilled-food case split without warning.

White mist seeped through the crack and settled into a thin layer of frost on the floor.

Su Xiaoxiao froze with her hand outstretched.

"Huh? What's wrong with this case—"

Crash!

The entire pane shattered.

A gray-blue toad the size of a millstone sprang from deep inside the case. Crystal-like bumps covered its skin, its cheeks bulged round, and half a package of frozen hairtail dangled from its mouth.

An F-rank Monster: a Mutated Ice Toad.

Judging by its size, it was third-tier at most, with a Magic Power Scale reading just over two hundred. Any trainee agent from the Monster Hunting Bureau could have dealt with it.

But right now, within twenty meters, there were only two unarmed high school girls.

And a cart full of cabbages.

The Frost Toad's cheeks swelled and sank. Its scarlet eyes locked onto the nearest prey.

Su Xiaoxiao still had her hand out, reaching for a boxed meal.

"Xiaoxiao!!"

Xia Ning's scream cut through the supermarket's background music.

The Frost Toad kicked off with its hind legs. Its millstone-sized body hurtled through the air, carrying a bone-chilling gust as it lunged straight at Su Xiaoxiao—