The Love Kidney Phone Shop

"Duy, Uncle has a present for you too." Hashirama looked at the little lump in his hand, delighted.

Now I won't have to go looking for Madara whenever I want to hang out with him!

Hashirama then took out an enormous scroll containing his insights into Wood Release, along with Ninjutsu ranging from simple to moderately difficult.

"Hehe, thanks, Uncle Hashirama!" Duy grinned like a four-foot-tall child.

He was actually eager to find out whether he could only grow plants or could also use Wood Release Ninjutsu like Hashirama.

But over the past few months, Hashirama had been busy handling all sorts of matters every day as the village's Hokage, while Dave had been developing these things with Orochiroku, so he had never found a chance to ask.

"Happy birthday, Dave." Little Tsukimi blushed as she took out a Scarf she had sewn herself and handed it to him.

Duy smiled, accepted it, and put it on. No wonder Tsukimi had spent the past few days sewing something with a needle and thread during class.

Seeing how much Dave liked her gift made Tsukimi happy too. As the beloved daughter of the Uchiha Clan's Second Elder, she had usually been allowed to do whatever she wanted. But ever since her engagement to Dave, the Second Elder's wife had often taught her skills such as cooking, washing clothes, and sewing.

Even her training had been set aside. She was already engaged to Dave, so why bother training? She had not only the Uchiha Clan behind her, but the Senju Clan too. Who in Konoha would dare bully her? And so the Second Elder had turned his attention to his gifted young son, Kagami, making the boy's life miserable every day. He came to his future brother-in-law Dave daily to tearfully recount his father's various atrocities.

Hiruzen's gift was very unassuming, and he had even wrapped it in a box. Hmm, you put some thought into this, Young Man. Dave sneaked a peek inside and discovered a photo book of Miss Yui from the Land of Hot Water. He nearly shouted, "Hiruzen, you get me!"

As for Danzo... what could anyone say about him? Was he intelligent, or did he have no emotional intelligence at all? He had actually given Dave a gold-plated Hoe! Yes, a gold-plated Hoe. Everyone stared at Danzo in bewilderment. Was there some special meaning behind this Hoe?

"Ahem, Dave, didn't you say on your first day at school that your dream was to have a plot of land to grow plants on? I thought you liked growing plants, so... so..." Zang flushed a little under everyone's stares.

He had finally realized it himself. Damn it, that bastard Hiruzen tricked me. Anyone with half a brain wouldn't give someone a Hoe at their birthday party!

"Ahem, Danzo, you really put some thought into it. Come on, let's eat!" Duy felt a little awkward too. Did this guy really have such a good memory?

There was little worth mentioning about the meal that followed, aside from Hashirama getting drunk and endlessly recounting embarrassing stories from Madara's childhood, leaving everyone at the table red-faced from holding back their laughter. Madara was so furious that he nearly killed the ugly bastard on the spot.

The next day.

"Roku, do you think our Love Kidney Phones will sell well?" Duy asked as he and Orochiroku sat behind the counter in their newly opened phone shop.

"...I don't know... What I really want to know is why you named this phone 'Love Kidney.'" Orochiroku shook his head, then asked in puzzlement.

"To remind the public to cherish their kidneys, of course! What if our phone prices skyrocket one day, and some die-hard fan sells a kidney to buy one?" Duy said with a violent shudder, as though a whole host of terrible things had come to mind...

"Oh, right, Roku, have you ever thought about becoming a ninja?" Coming back to his senses, Dave remembered something. Hadn't Orochimaru's parents died in the First Shinobi World War in the original story? But Roku wasn't even a ninja right now. How would he die? How would he end up on the battlefield in the first place?

"...To be honest... I have... The village has only just been established, and the prices for the grain we grow are unstable. Last year's harvest only sold for thirty thousand silver Taels. Tamaki and I originally planned to sell our land after this year's harvest and try becoming ninjas. After all, even a very simple ninja mission pays several thousand Taels. But it looks like there's no need now," Orochiroku said gravely after a moment of surprise...

"...Hmm, looks like Konoha's residents still need me to lead them into prosperity. Roku, when your son's born, make sure he thanks me for keeping his parents from dying young!" So that was it. Everything made sense now. Duy thought it over, then spoke cheerfully.

Haha, Orochimaru! Your parents won't have to die young now! You'd better thank your uncle properly in the future!

"...All right, I only came to take a look today. I'm heading back to continue my research. You really don't hold back, do you? I still have to go back and study all those ideas you proposed—Local area networks, Wi-Fi, computers, and so on. I really have no idea how that Brain of yours came up with all those things." Orochiroku rolled his eyes at Dave, stood up, and yawned. Then he gave Dave a deeply resentful look and left.

Orochiroku was working on all those things alone, and Dave felt a little bad for him. Two days earlier, Tamaki had even come to tell him that Orochiroku hadn't been home for a month. Her expression had been so much like that of a neglected wife that it had left Dave deeply uneasy. He had hurriedly dragged Orochiroku out of the laboratory and sent him home to rest.

"Sigh, keep it up, Roku... Until your son's born, you'll have to handle all this yourself! Go home and build your strength back up. Hurry up and bring Auntie Snake into the world, and things will get much easier for you, won't they?" Duy murmured to himself as he watched Orochiroku leave.

"Yo! Shopkeeper brimming with youthful passion! What does this place do?" Just then, an exuberant voice came from the shop entrance, pulling Dave away from his thoughts of making Konoha Residents work from nine to nine, six days a week in the future.

Dave froze. That... that voice bursting with passion and youth... Sure enough, when he looked toward the entrance, he saw a man in a green bodysuit with a bowl cut, a full beard on his resolute face, and dazzling teeth whose gleam nearly blinded him!

Th-this Kappa Monster! He wasn't one of the two familiar figures from the original story, but he looked remarkably similar.

"Uh, hello, sir. This is the Love Kidney Phone shop." Dave paused, then greeted him warmly.

"W-well... I'm not here to buy anything. I just saw the recruitment notice outside. Do you think I'd be suitable?" The middle-aged man hesitated, then asked awkwardly.

"Yes, yes, yes, of course! I can tell just by looking at you!" Dave nearly burst with excitement.

"Then... is the ten thousand Taels a month listed in the recruitment notice really true?" the middle-aged man asked hesitantly.

"Of course it is! But I feel like we were meant to meet! Fifteen thousand silver Taels a month! What's your name?"

"Might Wei."