Kid, want the Nine-Tails as your summoning beast?

"W-wait! Sister! Y-you, um, listen to me! Hiruzen forced that on me!" Of course, Kagami couldn't admit that he enjoyed reading it and had asked Hiruzen, who had a special supplier, to bring him a copy. But now wasn't the time to dwell on that. He knew his sister's temper all too well... If he didn't explain himself properly, he was finished.

"You... I'm telling Father and Mother!" Tsukimi's face flushed with embarrassment. Her little brother actually liked reading things like this... And Dave had discovered it, too... Will Dave think I'm that sort of person as well...? At that thought, Tsukimi was so angry she wanted to cry. Why was her brother like this...?

"No!!!" Watching Tsukimi walk away, Kagami dropped to his knees, clutching his chest with one hand and reaching after her with the other as he howled.

"Snowflakes drift~ The north wind sighs~ Heaven and earth~ A vast~ Empty expanse~ A single~ Plum blossom~ Stands proud in the snow~ Swaying~ Only for~ My beloved~"

Inspired by the sight, Dave burst into song.

"Little brother-in-law... Wow, I never thought you'd be a closet pervert like Hiruzen. You both like reading this stuff, huh?" Dave walked over to the dazed Kagami, rested a hand on his shoulder, and sighed.

"...I'm going to kill you!!!"

"Holy crap, what's this got to do with me now? Your sister took it out! I don't know anything!"

"I don't care! I'm going to kill you!"

A little while later.

Tsukimi returned to find her brother hitting Dave. Furious, she rushed over and helped Dave beat Kagami up... Kagami wept inside... And after Tsukimi led Dave away, Kagami's parents came to ask about the Photo Album, then gave him another tag-team beating...

That night, father and son sat together.

"Hmph! Reading this stuff at your age! I'm confiscating it! If I catch you again, I'll confiscate every copy you bring home!" the Uchiha Second Elder told his son indignantly.

"P-please don't, Father. Hiruzen gave me this book. I still have to return it to him..." Kagami swallowed and made up an excuse...

This Photo Album was a special collector's edition. No more than ten people in all of Konoha owned a copy.

"Hmph, you think I don't know what you're up to?" The Second Elder gave him a sidelong look.

"Kagami... None of this is real. These waters run too deep for you. You can't handle them. Son, you haven't lived long enough or gained enough experience. Don't make a foolish mistake," the Second Elder lectured earnestly.

"...B-but didn't Mother just say we should throw it away...?"

"...You can't handle it, but your father can. What's your father's name? Uchiha Masae. Your father's a mighty river. How could I fail to handle this little bit of water?"

"..."

Half a month later.

Dave received a call from Uncle Madara.

"Hello, Uncle Madara. Are you back in Konoha?" Dave rubbed his poor stomach and asked with his lips trembling.

Ever since Uncle Madara had gone out to find things that could increase his chakra, Dave had been eating potent supplements practically every day... He was so sick of them he could puke... And a couple of days earlier, Uncle Madara had heard somewhere that grinding the bones of Kirigakure's Kaguya Clan into bone powder could increase chakra, too...

In the end, Uncle Madara killed several Kaguya clansmen, ground them into several jars of bone powder, and brought them back for Dave to drink... Kirigakure was so furious that the two countries nearly went to war... Uncle Madara had even declared with utter confidence, "Drink it. Drink as much as you want. Mix it with water! Once you finish, I'll go get you more from Kirigakure." Dave had nearly fallen to his knees before Madara right then... Do you think the Kaguya Clan is a wholesale supplier...?

Still, after a month or two of taking those potent supplements, his chakra really had increased considerably. Dave now had about as much chakra as an Elite Jonin. He had unlocked nearly all the plants, too. And Dave truly saw hope of reviving Izuna, because after the Cob Cannon, he had successfully unlocked a plant from Plants vs. Zombies 2.

"Want a summoning beast?" Madara's voice came through the phone.

"...What summoning beast?" Dave paused, then asked.

"The Nine-Tails," Madara's indifferent voice replied, as though the Nine-Tails were nothing more than an object.

"...Pfft!" Dave spat out the drink he'd made with Kaguya Clan bone powder.

"Uncle Madara, how did you end up provoking that thing...?" Dave swallowed and asked, his lips trembling.

"I knew the people in the Land of Whirlpools had a lot of chakra, so I thought I'd go take a look. This thing got in my way on the road, so I beat him up. He's still under my feet," Madara said flatly.

"Cough, cough... Yes, of course I do!" Dave nodded vigorously. Who wouldn't want a summoning beast that badass?

"All right. Go find Tobirama and have him bring you here with Flying Thunder God." With that, Madara hung up.

Dave quickly called his old father, too. Tobirama came over and brought Dave to Madara's location with a single Flying Thunder God jump.

Looking at the scene before him, Dave's mouth twitched, and he sucked in a breath...

The ground before him was ravaged, covered in craters of every size. Several hundred-meter-tall peaks nearby had had their summits sheared off. The Nine-Tails, that haughty orange-red fox, was covered in wounds, while Madara Uchiha stood on his head, as cold and proud as ever.

"Hmph." Tobirama snorted at the sight of Madara Uchiha showing off. Seeing Madara act like that seriously irritated him.

"Uncle Madara!" Dave called out in greeting.

"Kid, this is the one." Madara Uchiha pressed his foot down on the Nine-Tails beneath him, making the fox bare his teeth and grimace.

"Yeah, yeah! This big fox looks so cool!" Dave nodded. Of course he knew this was the Nine-Tails. Seeing him in the anime in his previous life hadn't come close to seeing how cool he looked up close.

"Kid, you've got good taste," the Nine-Tails said with a cold chuckle.

Madara looked at the Nine-Tails, the Mangekyō Sharingan in his eyes slowly spinning. I remember the kid saying I was the coolest, didn't he? Is this fox cool? Cooler than me? Then... should I really keep him alive?

Seeing Madara Uchiha open those scarlet eyes again—the same man who had just summoned a hundred-meter-tall giant and beaten him senseless—the Nine-Tails shuddered violently and lowered his head...

The Nine-Tails remembered that Madara Uchiha had said he wanted him to become some kid's summoning beast. This had to be the kid. He did have pretty good taste. But, heh heh, how could the great Lord Nine-Tails ever willingly become a brat's summoning beast? Heh heh, I'll agree for now and go to that village Madara Uchiha mentioned. Once that bastard Madara leaves, I'll destroy the whole village with a single Tailed Beast Bomb!

Heh heh. The Nine-Tails thought excitedly, as though he could already see the mountains of corpses...

But if Dave knew what the Nine-Tails was thinking, he would definitely burst out laughing...

What? Getting beaten up by a Gundam wasn't enough? You want a beating from a giant Buddha, too?