"All right, let's continue our coverage of the Latrine Poison Hand Incident."
"Here, we must commend Konoha's Lord Hokage, Shimura Danzō. Konoha is the only village in the Shinobi World to have remained safe and sound, all thanks to Lord Hokage's leadership. On behalf of the people of Konoha, I offer Lord Hokage our praise."
"Next, let's switch over to interviews with the residents of Kumogakure."
The picture changed.
"This elderly gentleman is a witness to the incident in Kumogakure. Sir, could you tell us what happened?" The reporter held the microphone up to the old man's mouth.
"Well, I got up in the middle of the night to use the toilet. I was going, really pushing hard. I'd built up several days' worth of stock, been constipated for days..."
"Sir, sir... it's morning right now... um... you don't need to go into quite so much detail..." The reporter hurriedly stopped the old man, who was getting carried away...
"Oh... well, a black hand suddenly came out from under the latrine... catching what came out beneath my backside... It gave me such a fright. I ran before I even had time to wipe."
"Let's interview a resident who managed to photograph the incident." The reporter hurriedly found the one and only resident who had captured the figure on his phone...
"Sir, could you tell us how you took this photo?" the reporter asked curiously.
"Well, while I was taking a shit, I was going to take a selfie and post it on my feed. Just as the flash went off, I saw a hand flash past behind me, holding what I'd just squeezed out. When I hurriedly turned around to look, those hands were already gone," the man said helplessly.
"...I see. Thank you for explaining. Let's cut back