I bit my lip and didn't make a sound for a long time
"If you can't figure it out, think about it slowly."
Captain Fang saw that I was conflicted and did not continue to persuade me.
"Don't be in a hurry to give me an answer. Go back and live a good life. When you figure it out, come back to me at the entrance of the village. If you still can't figure it out, it doesn't matter."
A young soldier next to me looked up at me and added softly
"Boy, stay with your family well. Being alive and well is a blessing."
They didn't force me or even persuade me to join the army.
I didn't know what to say, so I could only nodded lightly.
"I'm going back first"
"Go ahead"
I turned around and walked home with heavy steps. When I came, I had questions in my mind. When I left, I had other things in my mind.
I used to think that brave people are not afraid by nature. Today I realized that being brave means trembling all over and being scared to death, but still choosing to move forward.
When I got home, the old buffalo swung its tail and gnawed grass by the cowshed.
I walked to the cowshed, sat down next to the old buffalo, and reached out to touch its rough horns. The buffalo seemed to sense that I was in a bad mood, turned its head, and gently rubbed the back of my hand with its head.
I sat there for a long time.
What Captain Fang said was replayed over and over in my mind.
We are all afraid, but we dare not retreat.
If everyone chooses to escape, sooner or later the war will reach this valley
When the Japanese come, the fields will be trampled to pieces, the thatched houses will be burned down, and neither the parents nor the younger brothers will be able to escape.
I don't want that.
But whenever I think of the roar of shells and the flying of flesh and blood, my legs can't help but feel weak. Death is too scary, and I can't bear to leave this big family.
Not long after, my younger brother ran back from Back Mountain happily with a bag full of various small stones.
When he saw me sitting in the cowshed, he immediately ran over and spread the stones in front of me.
"Brother, look, I picked up a lot of beautiful stones, all of which are gems."
At dinner, my mother served porridge and pickles and kept putting pickles into my bowl.
She looked at me quietly, probably because she was worried that I might have the idea of joining the army again, so she was careful not to mention the word conscription.
Dad was sitting on the bamboo chair, occasionally coughing, and his eyes would fall on me from time to time.
The meal was eaten peacefully.
I was lying on the bed at night, with tiny bits of moonlight leaking from the thatched roof. I kept my eyes open, but I didn't feel sleepy.
Captain Fang's words echoed in my ears over and over again.
There is no shame in being afraid of death. But sometimes, even if you are afraid of death, you still have to stand up.
Several days passed in a row.
As usual, I went to the fields to cut grass, herd cattle, and help my mother chop firewood.
Only this time, I didn't deliberately avoid the village entrance
Occasionally I would look over from a distance and see Captain Fang sitting with a few soldiers, receiving villagers who came to inquire.
After hearing this, some people shook their heads and turned around to leave. There were also a few middle-aged men who gritted their teeth and registered their names. The faces of those who registered were also filled with fear, and they were not fearless heroes.
It turns out that everyone is afraid
That evening, there was a layer of red clouds covering the sky. I finished cutting the grass and put the fodder into the cowshed.
I stood in the yard and looked at the mountains in the distance
I already have the answer in my mind.
It's not a moment of enthusiasm or confusion.
I am still afraid of death. When I think about the battlefield, my hands and feet still get cold.
But I don't want to hide away for the rest of my life, and I don't want to look down on myself for the rest of my life.
I turned around and shouted into the house.
"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you."
My mother was clearing away the dishes. When she heard my voice, her hands suddenly stopped.
Dad was leaning on the chair with his eyes closed to relax. His intermittent coughing suddenly stopped and he slowly opened his eyes.
I walked into the house and stood in front of my parents without ducking or bowing my head.
The hesitation, fear, and withdrawal of the past few days were all put into my heart.
My tone was very soft, but extremely firm.
"Dad, Mom, I've thought about it. I want to join the army."
As soon as these words came out, the room fell into deathly silence.
My mother's mood completely collapsed. She rushed over and grabbed my arm tightly.
"No! Absolutely not!"
Her eyes were red and she was even more broken than last time.
"Dog Leftover, do you insist on forcing us two to death? Last time you agreed not to go, and we finally settled down. Why do you have to mention it again? You are only fifteen years old, are you going to die?
We don't ask you to make a living, we just ask you to live a good life and live a stable life. Is it so difficult?"
My mother was crying so hard that she was trembling all over, holding on to me and refusing to let go.
I looked at her eyes that were red from crying and the white hair that sprouted from her head.
But I gritted my teeth and still expressed my thoughts
"Mom, I've thought about it clearly, it's not impulsive."
"I know I will die if I fight, and I'm afraid. I'm really afraid."
I looked at her, my voice was very serious
"But I can't keep hiding. Now that someone is standing in front of us, we can live a peaceful farming life."
But if everyone hides, the Japanese will rush into the mountains and into our house. At that time, no one can protect you and no one can protect my brother."
Dad in the corner of the room, after hearing what I said, he held his chest and coughed violently again.
"Why are you such a stubborn kid? I'm so sick that I won't live for a few more years. If you leave and die outside, what will we do? Thousands of people in the mountains are hiding, so I don't want a kid like you."
My nose felt sore and my tears finally fell down.
Yes, no less than me
But if everyone thinks so, there really will be no one left.
My younger brother also understood. He rushed over to me crying and hugged my legs.
"Brother, I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to go to war, I don't want gems, I don't want candies, I don't want to dig out bird's nests, brother, please don't leave, okay!"
I squatted down and touched the soft back of his head
"It's not okay if I don't leave. I'm going outside so that you don't have to fight, run away, or be afraid of the devils entering the village."
The whole family just tried to persuade me, but I didn't let go or go back on my words.
The stalemate lasted for two whole hours.
Finally, it was my father who let go.
He looked at my red but extremely determined eyes, but still refused to give in, and let out a long sigh, which seemed to have exhausted all the strength in his body.
He waved his hand weakly
"That's it, that's all. I know the temper of the child I raised. Once you figure something out, nine cows won't be able to pull it back, and dad can't stop you."
As soon as these words came out, my mother cried even harder.
Dad looked at me with tears in his cloudy eyes
"Dog Leftover, if you want to go, dad won't stop you, but remember, no matter how dangerous it is, you must live with all your might. Your mother, your brother, I, and I will wait for you to come back at home. We must wait for you to come back."
I nodded heavily and cried so hard that I couldn't speak, so I could only answer with choked sobs.
Mom knew she couldn't persuade me anymore, so she stood up slowly, wiped the tears from her face, looked at me with red eyes, her voice was soft, with countless heartache and reluctance.
"Go ahead, mother won't stop you. My baby has grown up and has his own ideas. Mother only hopes that God will bless and bless my Dog Leftover to come home safely."
I raised my hand to wipe the tears from my face
"A few days ago at the entrance of the village, Captain Fang gave me a nickname, Wang Lei, the three-stone Lei"
Dad repeated the name
"Wang Lei, rock is hard, can withstand wind and rain, can withstand blows, good name."
Mother stretched out her hand and gently touched my cheek
"Wang Lei, okay, from now on, my baby will be called Wang Lei. Dog Leftover is the nickname at home. When I go out, I call her Wang Lei. There are many stones and I can carry them. God must protect this name."
My brother was still holding my legs and crying softly, but he raised his head when he heard my new name.
"Wang Lei, there are so many rocks, I'm not afraid of bullets, right?"
I bent down and took him into my arms.
"You can carry rocks, but I will still be careful. I will rely on this name to come back alive."