The River God's Gift

Jinling City, Jinling University, early evening.

Jinling University was a key university directly administered by the Ministry of Education, one of the first universities included in the national Project 211, and a birthplace of modern science.

"Love is a light, so green it makes you glow, showing us how a cuckold's cap should go!"

At that moment, a young man sat on a stone step beside the campus lake. Gazing at the moonlight scattered across the water, he sang mockingly to himself, looking utterly dejected.

As a third-year student, Jun Wangchen had spent the past few years drifting aimlessly through life, accomplishing nothing. Yesterday, his girlfriend of three years had even managed to give him a surprise: to get through life, you had to wear a little cuckold green on your head!

Recalling how his ex-girlfriend had lain in another man's arms and looked at him as though he were trash, Jun Wangchen clenched his teeth and fists, fury blazing in his heart.

But when he remembered that the man she had latched onto was a rich heir, he deflated like a punctured ball.

The deeper the love, the lonelier the man—and right now, he really was broke!

Feeling bitter, Jun Wangchen reached into his pocket to call his roommates and ask the guys to come out and give him a dose of toxic motivational advice.

He hadn't had any in ages. He was positively thirsty!

Perhaps because he was so furious, Jun Wangchen's hand actually shook as he pulled out his kidney-costing iPhone.

Yes, exactly the sort of twitch you got after some slow-motion left-hand, right-hand action, right before firing.

Without the slightest warning or hesitation, the kidney-costing iPhone slipped down his hand as though it had been coated in Indian sex oil, finally landing in the lake with a splash.

"No!" Jun Wangchen froze, then let out a cry like a hundred thousand sows screaming in the middle of the night.

"My kidney! Kidney, don't leave me! We've been through thick and thin for so many years! I've paid for your schooling all this time, and now I have to bury my own child!"

Watching helplessly as his kidney-costing iPhone sank into the lake, Jun Wangchen sat rooted to the spot like a eunuch visiting a brothel, overwhelmed by the pain of his loss.

That was a tenth-hand kidney-costing iPhone he had barely managed to afford after hauling bricks for ten days, washing dishes for ten days, handing out flyers for ten days, and crying for his mother ten times!

Thinking back, he had often used it to explore the mysteries of naughty little videos and gain insights into life. Without it, he would never have developed his mighty right arm. And now... every cloud had turned to rain, and every fine steed had become a donkey's leg!

Moonlight still spilled across the quiet lakeside, but what it illuminated was Jun Wangchen's anguished face.

"If life were always smooth sailing, how would we ever learn to rise to a challenge?" After staring at the lake for a long time, Jun Wangchen stood, his gaze resolute. He was ready to go back to hauling bricks, washing dishes, and handing out flyers. He couldn't let the life lessons those little videos offered end here.

Before he could leave, the moonlight on the lake suddenly flashed. Then the water began churning, and an old man with the bearing of an immortal floated on its surface, holding two phones and radiating a glittering glow of harmony.

"O young loser, did you drop this gold phone or this silver phone?"

"The River God?" Jun Wangchen slapped himself without mercy. Only when his face stung as though someone had smeared chili sauce over it did he realize this wasn't a dream.

At that moment, Jun Wangchen's feelings were extremely complicated. There was the shock of "I thought of you as my brother, but you wanted to screw me," mixed with the bewilderment of a man and woman in bed realizing, "You're bottomless, and I can't reach."

Despite his shock and bewilderment, Jun Wangchen didn't stumble over his words. Instead, he instinctively followed the river god story's script. "N-neither of those is the phone I dropped."

"What an honest child. Since neither is yours, I'll ask someone else." The old man nodded in satisfaction.

Jun Wangchen: "..."

Am I not smart enough, or are your standards too high?

"Wait, River God! Could you help me find the iPhone I dropped into the lake earlier?"

"Of course... not!" The River God's tone was decisive. Tilting his head back, he sighed. "As someone with ideals, ambition, an open mind, and a comprehensive body of knowledge, wherever I go, I stand out like a firefly in the darkness—so vivid, so exceptional. Naturally, I must refuse a request as demeaning as yours!"

Jun Wangchen's face darkened. This damned River God's personality was nothing like the one in the books.

"Fine, don't help. I don't know which department you're from, but it's late. Don't go messing around with cosplay. Safety first."

Having given his warning, Jun Wangchen had no intention of continuing this word game with the fake River God and prepared to leave.

Before he could take a step, however, the River God suddenly blocked his way.

"O young loser, fate brought us together. Though you possess less than one ten-thousandth of my handsomeness, you still rank below only one man and above all others."

Jun Wangchen: "..."

Could you be any more fucking shameless?

"O young loser, I have always been generous toward fine men of character like you. Today, I shall give you a gift as a reward for making my handsomeness stand out."

With that, the River God waved a hand, and a streak of white light flashed across Jun Wangchen's eyes.

By the time he recovered, something had appeared in his hand.

"A Band-Aid this big?" Looking at the compact white object in his hand, Jun Wangchen's eye twitched.

"Wrong. It isn't an ordinary Band-Aid. When it's being proper, it's a Band-Aid. When it isn't, it's a Sofy sanitary pad."

Jun Wangchen: "..."

Drive. Drive out to the edge of the city and roll all the windows down.

Seeing Jun Wangchen's speechless expression, the old man laughed heartily, a meaningful smile spreading across his face.

"Young man, I see something of my younger self in you, so I'll lend you a hand today. Close your eyes. When you open them again, your life will change forever..."

The ordinary voice sounded strangely out of place beside the silent lake. When it reached Jun Wangchen's ears, it was like a dose of sleeping medicine, making his eyelids close as though he had fallen asleep.

After an unknown amount of time, Jun Wangchen suddenly shuddered and snapped his eyes open.

When he looked around the lakeside again, the old man was gone. At some point, the enormous Band-Aid in his hand had also become a peculiar-looking phone shaped remarkably like a groundhog.

"Huh?" Jun Wangchen paused, then switched on the phone. There were only a handful of apps installed. The most eye-catching was WeChat, because its icon was a huge red envelope.

After a moment's hesitation, Jun Wangchen tapped WeChat. The screen changed instantly, revealing an entire list of contacts.

Sun Wukong, Third Prince Nezha, Taishang Laojun, Heaven-Reaching Sect Leader, Green Lotus Sword Immortal, King Yama, Meng Po... From gods to immortals to ghosts, this phone had them all.

"People still use usernames like these in the twenty-first century? There's no limit to their stupidity!" Jun Wangchen snorted at the contacts, convinced everyone on this phone was a lunatic.

Bzzz!

Just then, the groundhog phone vibrated, apparently receiving a message.

Jun Wangchen paused. He noticed a chat group on WeChat's main page, and everyone in it was one of the phone's contacts.

More importantly, these people were handing out red envelopes!

Ding-dong!

A huge red envelope instantly appeared on the screen. The sender was none other than the group owner, Primordial Heaven Venerable.

Jun Wangchen stared for a while before finally tapping the red envelope. Who cared how stupid the guy was? Getting a few bucks would still be pretty nice.

Ding! Congratulations! You claimed Primordial Heaven Venerable's red envelope and received an Energy Hat. It has been deposited in your wallet.

Jun Wangchen's eye immediately twitched.

Weren't red envelopes supposed to contain money? Since when did they contain items?

Despite his surprise, Jun Wangchen didn't hesitate. He opened his wallet and found something resembling a treasure chest. The first slot bore a glittering label: Energy Hat (duration: thirty minutes).

"Scam rings really are full of talent these days. They've even come up with bizarre tricks like this to swindle people." Looking at the word "Withdraw" beneath the treasure chest, Jun Wangchen nearly laughed aloud.

"This phone isn't mine anyway. Let's see what tricks these scammers have up their sleeves."

With that thought, Jun Wangchen tapped "Withdraw."

Whoosh!

The second after his index finger touched the screen, a hat mysteriously appeared out of thin air in Jun Wangchen's hand.

"Holy fucking shit!" Staring at the hat that had come from who knew where, Jun Wangchen's pupils contracted, and he nearly let out a squeal like a pigeon in spring.

A dream?

A hallucination?

Jun Wangchen's breathing quickened. He couldn't believe it.

He used his phone every day, but he had never seen one outrageous enough to let him withdraw physical objects. This flew in the face of scientific development!

"Wait... could my WeChat contacts actually be... immortals?" Suddenly, Jun Wangchen remembered the old man. Stunned, he looked at the Energy Hat in his hand.

If putting this hat on really had an effect, that would mean everything was real.

At that thought, Jun Wangchen threw caution aside. Though the hat was so green it hurt his eyes, he gritted his teeth and put it on to test whether it was genuine.

"Grant me power, Energy Hat!" Jun Wangchen spread his arms and cheered into the wind, a sense of holding the entire world in his hands washing over him.

However...

Reality slapped him hard across the face. Apart from earning him eye rolls and snickers from passersby, wearing the Energy Hat caused nothing unusual to happen.

The whole thing was utterly ridiculous.

"Heh. Jun Wangchen, you're a fucking moron. You actually believed something this absurd. The wind obviously blew this hat over." Looking at the Energy Hat atop his head in the phone's reflective surface, Jun Wangchen laughed at himself. He felt like an utter fool for what he had just done.

In an age ruled by science, how could anything so fanciful exist?

As he mocked himself, Jun Wangchen felt anger building in his chest—both resentment over his ex-girlfriend making him a cuckold and irritation at some bored idiot pretending to be the River God and giving him a green hat.

"Hahaha! This world is so fucking filthy! Some people laugh at me for having no money or power, some laugh at me for being a clown, and others laugh because I work so hard every day and still have nothing!" Jun Wangchen gave a bitter laugh and kicked a tree, as though trying to vent his emotions and protest heaven's unfairness.

Yet the instant his kick landed, Jun Wangchen suddenly froze.

He felt a force far beyond his own suddenly gather in his foot. Driven by that power, his originally harmless kick unleashed a hundred times its normal strength.

Boom!

In the silent night, the impact of foot against tree thundered through the sky, startling a flock of birds overhead.

Jun Wangchen stared dumbfounded at the large tree he had snapped with a single kick, standing utterly bewildered in the wind for a long, long time...