Cries for help in the grove

Jun Wangchen had been slapped three times on his left cheek in the past minute.

Jun Wangchen had been slapped four times on his right cheek in the past minute.

Seven slaps in total.

He had delivered six of them himself because he could not believe any of this was real. For the remaining slap, he had asked a passerby to do it, wanting to know whether it hurt just as much when someone else slapped him.

Those seven slaps produced a string of sounds much like those Old Wang next door made while curing someone's infertility—painful, yet pleasurable.

It was real. All of this was real. The Groundhog Phone in his hand really did connect to the Three Realms of Gods, Ghosts, and Immortals.

Jun Wangchen suddenly burst out laughing, laughing like a mantis shrimp. At that moment, even the contemptuous looks and mocking smiles of the passersby seemed adorable to him.

When he looked back at his phone, overwhelming excitement flooded his face. He had a feeling that, with this phone in his possession, getting laid once a day (circle that—there'll be a test) and eating three meals would no longer be a dream.

On WeChat's main screen, everyone in the chat group was currently muted. Only the owner and a few administrators could post.

Primordial Heaven Venerable (group owner): After hundreds of millions of years, the strongest chat group in history has finally been established. From this day forward, this group shall be the sole channel of communication between the three realms of gods, ghosts, and immortals. In half an hour, I will send out another red packet. I hope you all seize this opportunity, find a partner soon, and build happy lives.

Jade Emperor (admin): Your body, my rules. Ladies, come flirt with me!

Queen Mother of the West (admin): @Jade Emperor, am I too weak to hold a knife anymore, or have you gotten too full of yourself? (cleaver/cleaver/cleaver)

Giant Spirit God (admin): @Heaven-Reaching Sect Leader, onii-chan, hmph! It's all your fault! You won't even comfort me. I really, really want to cry! I'm pounding your chest, you big meanie! I want a hug! Waaah!

Heaven-Reaching Sect Leader (admin): @Giant Spirit God, my foolish little brother, if you want to win my heart, let's have some anal action. Being shy won't help. Only when you possess gay eyes like mine will you understand the mysteries of love.

Wherever gay leaves dance, gay flames will burn. Those gay flames will shine upon gay people, and new gay branches will sprout, drifting across the gay earth.

Reading the messages in the group, Jun Wangchen felt his entire worldview crumble. These lofty, unapproachable immortals led daily lives no different from mortals, though some of their sexual orientations seemed a little off...

"The Primordial Heaven Venerable will send out more red packets in half an hour. I'd better hurry back to the dorm and wait. I absolutely can't miss them." Having witnessed the Energy Hat's heaven-defying effects, Jun Wangchen was no less fired up about the red packets than he was about livestream shows.

He looked at the lake again and bowed deeply. Then, clutching the Groundhog Phone, he hurried toward the dormitories on the street behind Jinling University with excited little steps, like an assassin coming out of the enemy jungle.

Walking along with the Energy Hat on, Jun Wangchen felt incredibly light, his body and mind brimming with energy. Although he had been rather tired earlier, he still had boundless vitality at this hour. He even felt an urge to punch someone.

The only pity was that the Energy Hat lasted just thirty minutes. After that, it would either disappear or stop working.

But none of that mattered to Jun Wangchen. What mattered was the Primordial Heaven Venerable's red packet in half an hour.

It was worth mentioning that, as he walked through campus wearing the Energy Hat, Jun Wangchen's head-turning rate was practically two hundred percent.

Every student who passed him was drawn to the green hat on his head. Some even pointed at him, covering their mouths as they snickered.

Yet when Jun Wangchen, wearing a gentle, refined smile, shattered a thick stone step with one stomp, every last snicker stopped abruptly. A chorus of sharp gasps followed.

Jun Wangchen remained perfectly calm and proudly shook the Energy Hat on his head, as if to say, If you want to smash stone with one stomp, you've got to wear a little cuckold green.

Jun Wangchen's dormitory stood behind a small grove. Supposedly, the university president had always loved sneaking into the Small Woods and was particularly good at taking Jinling University's female students there to discuss their studies, talk about their dreams, and play a little aeroplane chess. That had earned their dormitory a lovely name—the Tree-Back Dormitory!

Although the police had hauled the president away last month for shooting his load behind the trees, whenever Jun Wangchen walked through the Small Woods, he could still faintly hear the president's unyielding cry echoing endlessly in his ears: "A tiger before coming, a mouse afterward!"

It was already eleven at night. The grove was dark and deserted, and the summer breeze carried a faintly sinister chill.

"Amitabha, Heavenly Venerable of Boundless Salvation, I've never stolen a thing or done anything shady in my life. Soul-reaping messengers, please don't come for me." Jun Wangchen pressed his palms together, muttering as he picked his way cautiously through the Small Woods.

Before acquiring the Groundhog Phone, he would never have believed in ghosts. After acquiring it, however, his whole way of thinking had changed.

If something as heaven-defying as the Energy Hat existed, what was so strange about ghosts existing too?

"Mmph, mmph..."

Just then, a faint cry for help suddenly sounded a short distance to Jun Wangchen's right, jarring in the silent night.

Previously, with ears so deaf that even a subwoofer could not shake them awake, Jun Wangchen would not have heard a damn thing. But now that he was wearing a cuckold's hat—no, the Energy Hat—his physical abilities had improved dramatically, and his hearing had sharpened considerably. In an instant, he pinpointed the source of the cries.

Jun Wangchen frowned. After hesitating for a while, he crouched low and quietly approached.

Although his mother had taught him not to meddle in other people's affairs, if something truly bad was happening as he passed by, he could not simply turn a blind eye.

Elsewhere, beneath a secluded little mound surrounded by trees, three burly men stared with wicked eyes at the beautiful young woman before them, bound with rope and gagged with tape.

The bald man leading them licked his lips and whispered to the other two, "This is Zi Hanyan, Zifeng Town's daughter, one of Jinling University's four campus beauties. Boys, the boss told us to humiliate her all we want, but don't break her. Otherwise, we won't be able to answer to him."

"Got it!" The other two wiped the drool from the corners of their mouths and grinned lecherously.

Hearing their conversation, Zi Hanyan's pretty face went pale, and despair filled her heart.

Today was her birthday, but her father had been too busy with work to celebrate with her. Disappointed, she had shaken off her bodyguards and come to the university alone, hoping to vent her unhappiness to her best friend.

She had never expected three burly men to tie her up as she passed through this grove. From their conversation, they had clearly been sent by her father's enemies. After learning her whereabouts, they had been lying in wait here for a long time.

At that thought, Zi Hanyan's heart turned cold. It was already eleven at night, and most students had returned to their dormitories. Besides, the Small Woods was pitch-black, and hardly anyone passed through at this hour. Without help, how could a lone, weak woman like her escape three burly men?

"One of you films, the other keeps watch. Whoever's filming, remember to save it. Whoever's watching, keep your eyes sharp and report anything right away." The bald man surveyed their surroundings and gave the other two practiced instructions.

Originally, they had planned to take Zi Hanyan off campus and find somewhere deserted to get down to business. But getting her past the passersby and all the university's surveillance cameras would have been far too difficult.

Besides, half an hour had passed since Zi Hanyan left home. Her father had probably already learned she was missing and was now gathering a large search party to comb the area. With his influence, if even a glimpse of them appeared on camera, only one fate awaited them: death!

Thus, they could only make use of the darkness and this secluded spot to act against Zi Hanyan before her father's people found them.

"Understood!" Both men nodded, immediately grasped their roles, and got to work.

"Mmph, mmph..." Bound with rope, Zi Hanyan struggled desperately, tears pouring down her face, her expression full of helplessness and despair.

Huge tears welled in Zi Hanyan's eyes, misery written all over her face.

From the looks of things, her body would not escape these three monsters' clutches today.

At that thought, Zi Hanyan gave a bitter smile, the unwillingness in her heart growing ever stronger.

Everyone had a dream, and she did too. In her dream, the man she loved was an unparalleled hero. One day, he would come to marry her, clad in sacred golden armor and riding a seven-colored cloud.

Sadly... she had imagined the beginning, but never guessed this ending.

Zi Hanyan closed her eyes. Tears of regret kept sliding from their corners, as though she no longer felt any attachment to this filthy world.

Just as the bald man was about to rip Zi Hanyan's panties apart, a voice suddenly rang through the silent Small Woods, comical enough to make anyone laugh.

"Just caught a few monsters, hey! Then subdued a few demons, ho! Why are there so many ghosts and goblins... Heh-heh, take a blow from Old Sun's staff!"