"Are we still going through with the wedding bows?"
Dressed in a bright red wedding gown, Jiang Shuyue listened to the guests' chatter with a pounding headache.
She had been a perfectly fine ten-thousand-year-old green tea tree, only to get caught in someone else's ascension lightning tribulation just after taking human form and be blasted into green tea firewood.
Fortunately amid the misfortune, that wretched heaven still had a shred of conscience and gave her a chance to live as a human.
She would start by transmigrating into a book. As long as she survived and accumulated ten thousand green tea points, she would be allowed to ascend.
Unfortunately amid that good fortune, the person whose body she had entered was a poor little thing neither her father nor her mother loved.
The original owner had been stolen away as a child. After enduring a thousand hardships to return, she found that someone had not only taken her place as the minister's daughter, but her family also despised her as an ill-bred wild girl.
Just then, the Marquisate of Southern Pacification had been looking for a second wife for its son and approached the Jiang family with a marriage proposal.
The Jiang family coveted the Marquisate of Southern Pacification's power, but could not bear to send their adopted daughter, Jiang Liuli, there, so they shoved the original owner into the marriage instead.
Jiang Shuyue looked at the stern, handsome man before her and had to admit that he was the finest specimen the mortal world had to offer!
With star-bright brows, sword-sharp eyes, and a lean, powerful waist, he had a tiny tear mole at the corner of his eye that, far from making him look effeminate, added a hint of otherworldly allure.
As a ten-thousand-year-old green tea tree, Jiang Shuyue had seen plenty of men and male immortals, but only this one made her feel as though a single glance could span ten thousand years.
Sadly... she wanted to cry. She really wanted to cry.
[System, did I transmigrate into the wrong person? With my elegance, I should at least be a magnificent white lotus! Why have I become the archvillain's second wife?]
This system had transmigrated along with her. The Heavenly Dao had said it was compensation.
The system replied, [Have you considered that, since you're a green tea spirit yourself, pairing a green tea schemer with a villain makes perfect sense?]
[Don't worry. Villains are always the center of attention, so there'll be no shortage of juicy gossip. Enough gossip means enough tea points, and before long, you'll ascend. When that happens, don't forget to give your little sidekick a leg up!]
Jiang Shuyue replied, [...System, I'm starting to think you're more of a veteran green tea schemer than I am!]
Zhou Yunshen's brows furrowed.
System? Feasting on gossip?
What was that?
Had his new bride gone mad the moment she entered his household?
Zhou Yunshen stared fixedly at Jiang Shuyue, trying to find some clue in her expression.
Jiang Shuyue struggled to maintain her smile while secretly digging her fingers into her palm.
[System, what do you think he's staring at? Does he think I don't look like Jiang Liuli and want to dry me out and brew me into tea?]
[Boohoo, I'm not fully grown yet. No picking allowed!]
The system announced, [Congratulations, host! I smell some major gossip, and it's green tea flavored! Successfully feast on your first juicy piece of green tea gossip, and the system will reward you with one Soul-Returning Pill. Even death will be nothing to fear!]
Jiang Shuyue thought, ...Well, thank you so very much.
At that moment, Zhou Yunshen had to use his internal strength to suppress the urge to laugh.
He had already confirmed that the voice came from Jiang Shuyue.
Although he did not know why he could hear her thoughts or what a system was, he could be certain of two things.
First, his new wife was not mad.
Second, his new wife lusted after handsome men and feared death.
Zhou Yunshen watched her with interest, hoping to hear more amusing things.
The guests were nowhere near as composed.
They had split into two groups.
Those who could not hear her thoughts hid toward the back, laughing as they watched the spectacle.
Those who could hear her thoughts were first shocked, then excited, and finally so moved that tears streamed down their faces!
A Gossip System? A Soul-Returning Pill?
She could uncover all sorts of secrets and could not even die. She was an immortal, a banished immortal walking among mortals!
They all turned admiring gazes on Jiang Shuyue, hoping to bask in a little more of her immortal aura and gain a few extra years of life.
Jiang Shuyue found their gazes strange and could not help grumbling, [These people have their hunger for gossip written all over their faces!]
Zhou Yunshen swept his gaze over the crowd. Everyone hastily looked around, but all their attention remained fixed on Jiang Shuyue.
Jiang Shuyue cleared her throat. "Archvill-pah, General, the woman behind you is...?"
Zhou Yunshen stepped aside to introduce the woman behind him. "This is Li Qiner, Adjutant Li's daughter. Adjutant Li died saving me, so I wish to bring her into the household and care for her."
The young woman hiding beside him, dressed in burial clothes, timidly stepped forward and looked at Jiang Shuyue with pitiful eyes.
"You must be my elder sister, yes? Please rest assured, Sister. All I ask for is a place to call home. From now on, Brother Zhou and I will address each other as siblings. I would never make things difficult for you."
Jiang Shuyue raised a middle finger in her mind. [Just listen to this little green tea schemer. Anyone who didn't know better would think I was beating apart a pair of mandarin ducks, the third party ruining their romance!]
[Make things difficult for me? Take a look at your own ugly face first. Who do you think you are?]
Zhou Yunshen cast a seemingly casual glance at Li Qiner.
He had not thought her ugly before.
But standing beside Jiang Shuyue, she did indeed look plain and vulgar.
The system's voice brimmed with excitement. [Here it comes! Some seriously juicy gossip! This Li Qiner is a real piece of work. The original novel portrayed her as a poor, helpless girl, but she actually killed Adjutant Li with her own hands.]
Jiang Shuyue was startled. She murdered her own father? Why?
The system kept chattering. [To get close to Zhou Yunshen, of course! Her father wouldn't let her become a concubine. She thought Adjutant Li had cut off her road to the clouds, so she decided to finish what she'd started! Chop!]
Zhou Yunshen's pupils trembled violently. He had personally watched Adjutant Li drink the wine from his cup and die, and had believed an enemy spy had poisoned it.
Never had he imagined that it was Li Qiner!
That meant Li Qiner had even schemed against him for the sake of wealth and glory.
How dared she?!
Zhou Yunshen narrowed his eyes, secretly clenching the hands behind his back into fists.
All the guests looked at Li Qiner as well.
Such a frail, delicate-looking girl had actually murdered her father. Tsk, tsk...
[What's more, although she moved in as his sworn sister in the original novel, she was already pregnant with her old lover's child. Within two days of moving in, she started seducing Zhou Yunshen.]
[The poor archvillain wore a cuckold's green hat for twenty years before learning the truth, and that very child killed him.]
Jiang Shuyue froze for a moment, then suddenly burst into thunderous laughter in her mind:
[Hahahahaha! This girl is something else! Not just a green tea schemer, but the queen of an entire sea of lovers!]
[And that archvillain! With a face that looks ready to slaughter heaven and earth, he actually died at the hands of the ungrateful wolf cub he raised. I'm dying of laughter!]
Jiang Shuyue's laughter surrounded Zhou Yunshen's mind from every direction.
He clenched his fists, wishing he could find a crack in the ground to crawl into.
How did that system thing know so much?
Besides, all that happened was that he was deceived, cuckolded, and then killed by the very person he raised. Was it really that funny? Did that little bit of trouble warrant calling him the archvillain?
The system added, [Still, you can't really blame the archvillain. In truth, his heart hasn't even awakened to love yet. Essentially, he's an innocent young man who has never known a woman.]
The guests were stunned.
The God of War of Great Zhou had never known a woman? An innocent young man?
Wait, if he had never tasted meat, where had those children in the Marquis’s Residence come from?
Before you continue