Jiang Shuyue wanted to be a good wife and loving mother, to experience all the flavors of life and make her journey through the mortal world worthwhile.
Early that morning, she had servants clear a patch of ground in the back courtyard and buy plenty of tea plants to plant there.
She casually pulled a few handfuls of flowers from the garden, snapped off their blooms, and spread them over the tops of the tea plants' heads.
Jiang Shuyue said, "Peonies and jasmine used to laugh at me for being green all over and unable to bloom. Now I'll show them that green tea gets its own spring, too!"
System: [...]
Jiang Shuyue said, "Another day, I'll bring back some orchids and hydrangeas and give my little disciples and their disciples a few flower hats. They'll look beautiful!"
Zhou Shiye and Zhou Sesong returned from practicing their swordplay out back. Hearing that she intended to make hats for the little green tea plants out of those prized flowers, they couldn't help shivering.
Zhou Sesong said, "Eldest Brother, every one of those flowers costs a fortune. Can our household finances take it?"
They could, but the thought of coming home every day to a patch of green tea plants wearing flower hats made him feel decidedly uncomfortable.
What respectable person grew green tea like that?
Jiang Shuyue said, "A sight like this comes once in a thousand years. Why don't I compose a verse to commemorate it?"
System: [Host, you're surrounded by tea farmers and plants, and you haven't completed nine years of compulsory education. Don't steal a transmigrator's job.]
Jiang Shuyue thought, Aren't tea farmers people? What, are you looking down on the wisdom of the working people?
System: ...
Jiang Shuyue sat amid the tightly clustered green tea plants and cleared her throat. "Green, green down below, flowers piled up high, cool winds whoosh and blow, tea smells mighty fine! What do you think?"
What did he think?
Zhou Shiye, for one, couldn't offer an opinion.
He had never encountered poetry like this. It completely overturned his understanding.
Zhou Sesong, on the other hand, was delighted. Finally, someone had less literary talent than she did!
Jiang Shuyue felt very pleased with herself. "Here's another one. Oh, green tea! Little cutie! Take a sniff, shed ten years; take a lick, what a kick!"
"System, which of my two poems is better?"
System: [Well... with my vocabulary, it's hard to judge.]
Jiang Shuyue said, "I told you to read more books in your spare time! I may be the only one who knows you exist, but you'll still get laughed at for being so uncultured."
The system wanted to apply for a pair of hands so it could slap Jiang Shuyue on the forehead.
Green Pearl brought over some freshly brewed green tea, and Jiang Shuyue lifted the cup in both hands and began to sing.
"One cup to green tea, one cup to flowers, you became my hats and fattened up my soil!"
Green Pearl was speechless.
It was bad enough that her young lady couldn't carry a tune, but she sang such bizarre lyrics, too...
Green Pearl poured her another cup of tea. "My lady, you're returning to your family home the day after tomorrow. It would be best to prepare early."
"Do I need to bring gifts when I go back?"
"Etiquette says you do, but what worries me is the second young lady. You've suffered quite a lot at her hands."
Jiang Shuyue remembered. My younger sister-isn't she that white lotus of a sister who stole my identity and made everyone despise me?
System: [Let me serve you a little vinegar-tossed gossip melon to whet your appetite first.] [That white lotus sister is actually a black lotus, ruthless and vicious. Twelve people have already died at her hands.]
If that was a little gossip melon, how explosive would a big one be?
Jiang Shuyue thought, Quick, quick, quick! Give me a big one!
System: [A good dish is worth the wait. Once you meet Jiang Liuli the day after tomorrow, I'll tell you all about it. Go prepare your homecoming gifts first. Remember to bring plenty of salted fish. They'll come in very handy!]
Whatever the system told her to do, she did.
There was no salted fish in the Marquis's Residence, but there was plenty outside. Jiang Shuyue collected a few taels of silver from Zhou Yunshen and sent servants out to buy salted fish.
After the purchase, she still had two taels left. Pressing the silver against her cheek, Jiang Shuyue happily hummed a little tune as she returned to her room.
When Zhou Yunshen came home, he frowned at the roomful of salted fish.
Zhou Luming said, "Father, Mother said these are homecoming gifts to take to the Minister's Residence the day after tomorrow. Do you think these will be enough? Should we prepare something else?"
"Withdraw three hundred taels. Decide for yourself what to buy."
"Yes."
The moment Zhou Luming turned away, the smile vanished from her face.
That afternoon, Mother had been so delighted clutching those two taels, like a poor girl who had never seen the world.
Thinking back over what she had said, it wasn't hard to guess what sort of life she had led in the Minister's Residence.
Although Zhou Luming didn't know why the system wanted salted fish prepared, it ought to serve some purpose.
In that case, she would help Mother prepare a grand gift for the Minister's Residence.
Zhou Sesong trotted after Zhou Shiye. "Brother, Eldest Sister is making her move. Should we do something, too?"
Zhou Shiye lowered his eyes and considered for a moment, then took five hundred taels from his waist and handed them to Zhou Sesong.
"Go buy all the cured fish and meat in the city."
"On it!"
Zhou Sesong wanted to do her part, too, so she secretly added several dozen taels of her private savings as a contribution.
Jiang Shuyue sat in the carriage.
No, more accurately, she sat on Zhou Yunshen's lap.
Jiang Shuyue thought, Wait, all I said was that the carriage was really bumpy. How did I end up on his lap?
System: [Little Jiang, you're a green tea spirit, for goodness' sake. Can't you show a little of your true nature? Take what's on offer. Don't be shy.]
Jiang Shuyue thought, What are you talking about? I'm perfectly respectable green tea!
Zhou Yunshen tightened his arms around her, his deep breath brushing her ear. "My wife, is your husband's lap comfortable?"
Huh?
Jiang Shuyue thought, Not bad. Soft, but firm underneath! It's just... something back there is digging into me. Can't he make it behave?
Zhou Yunshen wrapped his arms around her even more tightly. "I was too busy last night to visit your room. You don't blame your husband, do you?"
"Of course not. My lord has a thousand matters to attend to every day. I can only feel for you. How could I blame you?"
Zhou Yunshen buried his face against her neck and inhaled deeply.
The floral incense mingled beautifully with the green tea fragrance of her body.
He stroked the back of Jiang Shuyue's hand, greedily drinking in her scent.
Jiang Shuyue's body tingled, leaving her unable to muster any strength.
Jiang Shuyue thought, System, system! I think I've been struck by lightning again. I'm all tingly and can't move!
With wicked intent, Zhou Yunshen rubbed his short stubble against her skin.
"Ow~~!"
"I'll be gentler."
"Not even gently. You're hurting me."
"Be good, my wife. Tell your husband, does it hurt more, or does it feel good more?"
Jiang Shuyue had transmigrated less than three months ago. Her understanding of human nature was decent enough, but she knew far too little about matters between men and women.
For one thing, she had willingly let him gobble her up out of curiosity. She wanted to try those fabled clouds and rain of Mount Wu.
For another, Zhou Yunshen was just so handsome!
That face was practically enough to provoke the outrage of gods and men. It had her utterly bewitched.
Jiang Shuyue finally understood what it meant for one's moral compass to follow a pretty face.
Right now, she was completely helpless against Zhou Yunshen.
"I think... it feels good a little more."
Zhou Yunshen's eyes curved into crescents, and he encircled her slender waist with a single arm.
"Be good, my wife. Your husband won't hurt you."
Zhou Yunshen pressed his face against her cheek and rubbed it gently.
It prickled and tingled a little, but it didn't hurt.
Jiang Shuyue's mind went blank, leaving only one thought: Motherfucker. Should I say it or not?
"My lord, we've arrived at the Minister's Residence."
Before you continue