My Poor Child, What a Horrible Death You Died

When Jiang Shuyue woke, her whole body ached. It took her quite a while before she could get out of bed.

Jiang Shuyue: [That bastard! He doesn't know the first thing about cherishing a delicate flower. A tender little green-tea schemer like me nearly snapped in his hands!]

Jiang Shuyue rubbed her lower back and cursed the Heavenly Dao for good measure.

System: [You're complaining now, but someday you'll appreciate that stud's waist!]

Jiang Shuyue's eyes sparkled. [System, you sound like quite the expert! Got some experience? Let's hear it!]

The system rolled its eyes and turned into a little pink ball of light. [Behave yourself, host. Your three children are waiting in the front courtyard to pay their respects. If you don't hurry, you'll miss the juicy gossip.]

Jiang Shuyue hurried to wash and dress, then rummaged through her meager dowry for a few valuable things.

System: [Planning to bleed your purse dry, host?]

Jiang Shuyue sighed. [My eldest daughter is a seductive consort who brings ruin to the nation, my eldest son is a powerful minister in an age of chaos, and my second son is a butcher. They're all infamous future villains. What's wrong with preparing a few first-meeting gifts for them?]

Zhou Sesong nearly cried.

Her eldest brother becoming a powerful minister in an age of chaos made sense.

But why was she a pig butcher?

Jiang Shuyue ate the breakfast the servants brought, feeling rather dispirited. [Everyone says the Marquisate of Southern Pacification is rich, but breakfast is just plain congee and steamed buns? Not even fish-paste rice noodles or big chunks of meat? Don't tell me they're poor?]

A phrase popped into Jiang Shuyue's mind: gold and jade on the outside, rotten stuffing within.

Perhaps the household was actually very, very poor.

The steward waited in the courtyard's main hall. At the sight of the three young masters' expressions, he nearly coughed up a mouthful of blood.

It might be congee, but it was shark-fin and bird's-nest congee. The buns were soft cheese buns, too-nothing an ordinary family could afford.

He had specifically instructed the kitchen to prepare these dishes so the new mistress would feel valued.

And somehow, she had taken them as proof of poverty!

Just wait. Tomorrow, he would buy every breakfast dish on the entire street. He would make sure the new mistress understood the financial might of the Marquisate of Southern Pacification!

Jiang Shuyue headed toward the front hall with her two maids.

"Miss, now that you've married into the marquis's household, you must hold yourself to strict standards. Every move you make must conform to propriety. You must not disgrace the minister's household."

Jiang Shuyue looked utterly dismissive. [Who is she? A servant yapping away first thing in the morning. She's so noisy.]

System: [Jiang Liuli's lackey, of course! In the original novel, she secretly passed information about you to Jiang Liuli. Later, when you fell ill from depression, Jiang Liuli had her slip you poison and kill you!]

Jiang Shuyue: [Fuck! Killing me while I'm sick? This little bitch is vicious!]

Jiang Shuyue turned and glanced at the young maid. She remembered that the girl's name was Xuanyue, a household-born servant. Ever since Jiang Shuyue had arrived, she had been nagging about this and that under the guise of looking out for her.

These past few days, Jiang Shuyue had been so busy getting married and feasting on gossip that she had nearly forgotten about the girl.

Jiang Shuyue: [System, got any juicy gossip on this maid?]

The system heaved a deep sigh. [Aside from her secret affair with her married cousin, there's nothing juicy.]

Jiang Shuyue: [All right. Let me think about how to write her out.]

Zhou Luming twirled her hair around a finger and smiled with captivating charm. "Mother wants to write that lackey out. Does that mean what I think it means?"

After considering it, Zhou Shiye nodded solemnly. "Yes."

"Mother is so cool. I love her!"

"Sis, shouldn't we think about how to kill that maid? I think slitting her throat would be the cleanest way."

Zhou Shiye glared at Zhou Sesong. "Is bloodshed all you ever think about? Can't you choose a more refined method? For instance, beating her to death."

Zhou Sesong thought it over, then nodded in agreement. "Slitting her throat could leave evidence against us. Find an excuse to beat her to death, and nobody can say a thing. That's our big brother for you. We really do have to rely on you!"

Standing to one side, the steward secretly wiped away his sweat. He thought he now understood what the new mistress meant by villains.

The moment Jiang Shuyue reached the front hall, all three children bowed to her in unison. "Good morning, Mother."

Jiang Shuyue froze for a moment. [How can future villains be this adorable?! If they entered a talent show, they'd debut as a group on the spot!]

Zhou Sesong: Big Brother, what does debut mean? Does Mother want us to become Daoist priests?

Zhou Shiye: ...If Mother likes it, that's not out of the question!

Jiang Shuyue quickly beckoned Green Pearl forward. "No need to stand on ceremony! I've brought you some first-meeting gifts. I hope you like them!"

"This dragon-and-phoenix bracelet is for Luming, the jade ruyi is for Shi Ye, and this gold qilin is for little Sesong. May you always be safe and sound."

Jiang Shuyue personally fastened the gold qilin onto Zhou Sesong.

The ten-year-old still had a child's innocent air, and her cheeks were so soft and babyish that one could hardly resist taking a bite.

Jiang Shuyue pinched her cheeks, sighing inwardly. [Such a pretty little boy, and a future butcher of ten thousand on the battlefield. How did you end up dying so horribly?]

Zhou Sesong's eyes lit up. I knew it! I'm brilliant and mighty. How could I possibly be a butcher!

Zhou Shiye: But you died horribly.

Zhou Sesong: *...*

Jiang Shuyue lamented inwardly. [She captured a woman on the battlefield, defied convention for her, and stood firm against every objection. She finally married the woman she loved, only to be killed on their wedding day. What a bitter fate.]

System: [Incidentally, that female prisoner was actually a spy sent by someone else. They couldn't kill Zhou Shiye, so they went after Zhou Sesong instead. Zhou Sesong was still a virgin when she died!]

Zhou Luming hid her lips behind her fan and snickered.

Who would have thought her little sister was just like Father, keeping herself as pure as jade?

Zhou Shiye, on the other hand, shot her a fierce glare.

Useless fool. Falling for a spy and getting herself killed. What a disgrace!

Jiang Shuyue's gaze shifted to Zhou Shiye. [My eldest son has a bitter fate, too. After the Fourth Prince killed his sister, he endured humiliation and shouldered heavy burdens until he finally became a treacherous chancellor whose power dominated the court. Unfortunately, he loved the wrong person.]

System: [The system has found some major gossip about Zhou Shiye. Want a taste?]

Jiang Shuyue's eyes lit up. [He's got juicy gossip, too?]

System: [Of course!] the system declared smugly. [And it's a big one!]

[When Zhou Shiye was wandering homeless, he met a little girl who treated him very well. They exchanged keepsakes and promised they would meet again someday.]

[After he was forced to marry, his cherished first love became the Fourth Prince's consort. Oh, how that tormented him~~]

[He was convinced his wife had schemed to make him miss out on his true love, so he constantly neglected and even humiliated her. He did all sorts of outrageous things to help the woman he loved rise in status, and she even lied that she was carrying his child.]

[Here comes the melodrama! It turned out his wife was the little girl who had saved him all those years ago. By then, though, her heart had burned to ashes, and she was gravely ill. Before long, she departed this world.]

[Before she died, she even said she never wanted to see him again, in life or death! The young villain's hair turned white overnight. Then he learned that the consort's child wasn't his. Under those repeated blows, Zhou Shiye broke down completely and burned himself to death.]

Jiang Shuyue was on the verge of tears. My poor child, what a horrible death you died!