Cheng Mingrui soon discovered a problem: he couldn't use this Plasma Gun.
Although the Plasma Gun was already so big that a well-trained human soldier needed both hands to wield it, to an Ork, it was only the size of a pistol.
That alone would have been fine. The real problem was that the trigger guard was too small! Cheng Mingrui couldn't fit his thick finger inside it!
Having a good weapon he couldn't use was like being a eunuch in a beautiful woman's bedchamber: he had the desire, but not the equipment.
Anger welled up in Cheng Mingrui. Once he got angry, he needed to vent, so he slapped Little Gretchin beside him across the face, sending him spinning in a full circle.
Clever Git had ducked fast. The slap had originally been meant for him, but he'd dodged it simply by crouching down.
Seeing Cheng Mingrui get angry, he immediately understood why and explained, "Boss Slick, don't get mad. Humie weapons are a bit small. Not big enough, and not Waaagh! enough.
"But some of the Humies are tin cans, and their weapons are just the right size. When we get a chance to fight some tin cans, I promise I'll find you a proper Big Boom, Boss."
Gretchin were an offshoot species of the Orks. Though weak and small, they were more cunning, and just as cruel, bloodthirsty, and fond of Waaagh! as the Orks.
Suddenly, a clamor of running footsteps came from one end of the passage. Before long, the Mekboy Cleverhead appeared at the entrance with a group of Ork Nobs.
Seeing Cheng Mingrui and the other Orks, Cleverhead grew furious. His mechanical claw grabbed the Gretchin beside him, and he demanded, "Didn't you say the Humies had circled around behind us? How come I don't see any Humies? Do you know what happens when you interrupt my fighting?"
Desperate to stay alive, the Gretchin in Cleverhead's claw shrieked, "There were Humies! There were Humies! The Boys here must've killed them! Look, there are bits of Humies and their weapons over there!"
Following the Gretchin's pointing finger, Cleverhead spotted Cheng Mingrui sitting on the ground. Before Cheng Mingrui could figure out what was happening, he found himself staring blankly into the Mekboy Cleverhead's eyes yet again. In a way, it was fate.
Cleverhead tossed the Gretchin aside and strode up to Cheng Mingrui. Standing five meters tall, he loomed over Cheng Mingrui like a small mountain.
"You again, you sneaky Boy! What happened here? Give me a proper explanation!" Cleverhead raised his mechanical claw and snapped it twice above Cheng Mingrui's head in a threatening click-clack.
If Cheng Mingrui's answer failed to satisfy him, that claw could crush his head as easily as a watermelon.
"There were indeed human soldiers, but we've already wiped them out. This is one of their weapons." Faced with the threat of death, Cheng Mingrui didn't dare hesitate. After answering Cleverhead's question, he raised the Plasma Gun and offered it to him.
But Cleverhead's expression only darkened, and the snapping of his mechanical claw grew even more grating. At that critical moment, the Gretchin Clever Git jumped forward.
"Cleverhead Boss, a whole bunch of Humie soldiers suddenly came out of that passage and started fighting us. At first we couldn't beat 'em, but then Boss Slick led us and we smashed all the Humies to bits..." Clever Git grew more excited as he spoke, as though he had personally charged into battle and defeated the human soldiers.
"We also grabbed loads of shiny stuff and Teef. Boss Slick wants to be a Big Mek, so I helped him find a Humie Big Boom."
Cleverhead nodded and lowered his raised mechanical claw. Glaring at Cheng Mingrui, he said, "Stop talking like a Humie. I don't like hearing it. Those Blood Axes aren't Orky at all!"
Then Cleverhead turned his gaze to the Plasma Gun in Cheng Mingrui's hand. "That Humie thing's so tiny, and you call it a Big Boom?"
"It's good that you want to be a Big Mek, but you need to use your brain more. Do more thinking. For now, start with fighting. One day, when you've fought enough, it'll all click in your head. Start out as a Mek." As Cleverhead spoke, a mechanical arm extended from his back and took the Plasma Gun from Cheng Mingrui.
After examining the Plasma Gun carefully with his electronic eye, Cleverhead shot Cheng Mingrui a glare. "Watch closely and learn. I'll show you how it's done."
Two more mechanical arms extended from the generator on Cleverhead's back, one an auxiliary arm and the other a welding arm. Now he looked like an enormous Doctor Octopus, the generator and mechanical arms on his back flailing wildly as he modified the Plasma Gun in front of him.
Some quick-witted Gretchin rummaged through nearby scrap piles and brought Cleverhead parts to use. After taking the parts, his mechanical arms even paid the Gretchin in Teef, which motivated them all the more.
Fifteen minutes later, the modifications were complete. A small Plasma Gun, drastically altered and brimming with Orky style, was shoved into Cheng Mingrui's hands.
"Humie weapons are rubbish, and their designs are complete crap. How something designed like this can even work is beyond me," Cleverhead said contemptuously. "That's all I could change. Make do with it for now. Once we take this ship and I become a proper Big Mek, I'll build you an even bigger, more Waaagh! Dakka."
Looking at the bizarrely shaped Plasma Gun in his hands, Cheng Mingrui wanted to complain but didn't know where to begin. The thing had even been painted red. It'd better not blow up the moment I pull the trigger.
Cleverhead assumed Cheng Mingrui had been stunned by his brilliant, ingenious design and felt immensely pleased with himself. In one sense, Cheng Mingrui really was amazed by the Mekboy's demonstration: he'd made a weapon with such simple procedures. But mostly, Cheng Mingrui was worried that using it would blow him up.
"Slick's a good name. Since the Gretchin call you Boss, and you're the biggest one here, all the Boys here are yours to command. Take them to the Engine Room and kill the Humies there. Don't let them blow up the engines."
Swelling with pride, Cleverhead gave his orders, then let out a "Waaagh!" with his own band of Nobs and disappeared into the passage he'd come from.
Cheng Mingrui knew he'd just narrowly escaped death. Before he could sort out what had happened or gather his thoughts, a crowd of Orks and Gretchin surrounded him, all noisily talking over one another.
One Boy asked, "Boss Slick, which way are we going? Where are we gonna fight the Humies?"
Another Boy said, "Boss, your Big Boom's dead cool. How many Teef's it worth?"
"I reckon it's gotta be worth at least two hundred Teef."
"Pah! You country bumpkin! Don't even think about it without three hundred Teef."
"You're the country bumpkin!"
Trouble came easily when too many Orks gathered together. Several Boys started wrestling, and it threatened to turn into an all-out brawl.
Beside them, Clever Git picked out a crate and climbed up to the highest spot, issuing orders to the Gretchin gathering around him like a real Boss.
All the Gretchin obediently listened, cheering every order Clever Git gave. He seemed to have become the king of the Gretchin.
"Boss Slick's great, Boss Slick's Waaagh! Boss Slick wants more Big Shootas, big dakka, and Big Blasts!" Clever Git even started singing.
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