I want to be a foolish emperor

Di Yi died after thirty years on the throne, entrusting his heir to Grand Preceptor Wen Zhong. Prince Zi Shou of Shou was then installed as sovereign, taking the title King Zhou and establishing his capital at Chaoge. This marked the first year of Di Xin's reign.

King Zhou enjoyed an age of peace. The people prospered in their livelihoods, the winds and rains arrived in season, and the nation was peaceful and its people secure. The tribes on all four frontiers bowed in submission, lands in every direction pledged allegiance, and all eight hundred feudal lords paid homage to Shang.

The seventh year of Di Xin's reign, in the Nine-Bay Hall.

Civil and military officials stood in separate ranks before the white jade steps, while sandalwood incense curled from a golden burner.

Sovereign and subjects gazed at one another in silence.

Actually, it was not that Zi Shou did not want to speak. Mainly, he had suddenly transmigrated and had yet to process it.

He had gone from modern society to becoming King Zhou, who shared his name and had just begun holding court.

What kind of bottomless deathtrap of a transmigration was this?

Fortunately, he did not seem to have become King Zhou during the Battle of Muye. Otherwise, he would have been burned to death immediately after arriving, without even getting to enjoy Daji.

But...

There was nothing particularly fortunate about becoming King Zhou, either.

Aside from getting to indulge in debauchery for a few decades before the Investiture of the Gods ended, he would die a truly horrible death.

Moreover, the Investiture of the Gods was a great tribulation whose course could not be reversed-unless Zi Shou was fierce enough to take on the Three Pure Ones, Hongjun, and the Heavenly Dao head-on.

Just then, a transparent screen suddenly appeared before Zi Shou, displaying line after line of text.

[Foolish Emperor System binding to host...]

[Binding successful.]

[Host: King Zhou, Zi Shou]

[Please read this system's instructions for use.]

"Did I just get cheats?!"

Zi Shou nearly sprang from his throne, overcome with wild delight.

Of course! Transmigration always came with a system. This was his golden finger!

Three Pure Ones, Hongjun, Heavenly Dao-come at me together! Your boy has a system now!

Stay calm, stay calm. This was standard procedure, nothing to make a fuss over.

Zi Shou quickly composed himself and began examining the text on the screen.

[Foolish Emperor System]

[Foolishness points: 0]

Wait... Zi Shou suddenly sensed something wrong. Foolish Emperor System?

It helped the host become a foolish emperor?

What was so good about being a foolish emperor?

Actually...

Being a foolish emperor sounded pretty good.

No court sessions every day, enjoying all the power he was entitled to without fulfilling the corresponding duties-wasn't that humanity's lifelong dream?

Three palaces, six courtyards, seventy-two consorts, and the freedom to do whatever he pleased. Wouldn't that be glorious?

Zi Shou noticed more fine print: the system's instructions for use.

[Foolish emperor rules:]

[At regular intervals, the system will conduct an assessment, evaluating the host's actions and converting them into foolish emperor points.]

[Foolish emperor points can be used to purchase items in the system shop.]

Zi Shou swept his gaze over the system shop, and his eyes immediately lit up.

Great Restoration Pills, Fasting Pills, One-Click Immortal Ascension Pills...

There were plenty of pills for longevity and immortal cultivation, and even more magical tools and divine artifacts: bricks, billhooks, Nokias, Note 7s, Dongfeng-21Ds, the Pangu Axe, the Creation Jade Disc, Heavenly Dao Fragments...

What a generous system! Being a foolish emperor could earn him a whole pile of goodies. Becoming an immortal or a Buddha would be as easy as drinking water, and he could even merge with the Dao. With these things, he could guarantee himself a good end even as a foolish emperor.

Besides all that, he could also exchange points for people.

The Four Great Beauties, the Eight Beauties of Qinhuai, the Thirteen Beauties of Jinling-all those were small potatoes. The real prize was that he could also obtain treacherous officials from every dynasty!

Wei Zhongxian, Huang Hao, Qin Hui, Zhao Gao...

With such talented people around, how could being a foolish emperor be difficult?

Zi Shou instantly understood the system's purpose.

It must have seen how miserable his previous life had been and come specially to bring him warmth.

Nothing in this world could be more heartwarming. He already could not wait to dismiss court and go have fun in the harem.

[System resetting world...]

[Reset complete.]

[Difficulty: Hell]

Zi Shou saw the word "Hell" and thought nothing of it.

How hard could it be to become a foolish emperor?

Hell difficulty? Seriously?

He felt nothing but disdain.

Emperors whose greatness echoed through the ages were few and far between, but rotten-fish-and-stinking-shrimp foolish emperors were a dime a dozen.

Even if he didn't know how, couldn't he imitate someone?

Liu Shi, Sima Zhong, Chen Shubao, Li Cui, Zhao Ji...

Which of them wasn't a first-rate foolish emperor?

Even the original owner of his body, King Zhou, had been manipulated by a host of powerful figures into going from an enlightened ruler to a foolish emperor.

In other words, even if Zi Shou did absolutely nothing and simply followed the original plot of the Investiture of the Gods, he was guaranteed to become a thoroughly foolish emperor!

Right! Time to be spectacularly foolish.

Starting today, he would be a foolish emperor!

"If you have matters to report, speak. Otherwise, court is dismissed."

These words should have been announced by the court attendant, but Zi Shou spoke them himself. This was the first step of his plan: violating protocol.

One man stepped out of the ranks and prostrated himself before the jade steps, holding his ivory tablet high. His aged face could not conceal his excitement.

Zi Shou was baffled. I just broke protocol. What the hell are you so excited about?

Then delight struck him. Could this be a treacherous official?! Was he beaming because I disregarded etiquette?!

Since King Zhou had succeeded to the throne, peace had reigned throughout the land, but Shang Rong had remained worried.

What had worried him? The king's commanding presence.

In everyday terms, he lacked forcefulness.

King Zhou had no commanding presence whatsoever. He followed the rules in everything and lacked any imperial bearing. Was that really a good thing?

Of course not. Such an emperor could not bring his officials to heel, especially King Zhou, who had only ascended the throne a few years earlier and whose foundations were not yet secure.

But King Zhou's sudden breach of protocol had shown Shang Rong hope.

His Majesty must have realized it too. This was a sign that he was changing. How could Shang Rong not rejoice?

They were merely old rules of etiquette. So what if he broke them?

Unable to contain his joy, Shang Rong proclaimed his allegiance in a ringing voice: "Your subject Shang Rong, who humbly serves as chancellor and oversees the affairs of court, dares not withhold a matter that must be reported. Tomorrow, the fifteenth day of the third month, is Empress Nuwa's sacred birthday. I ask Your Majesty to visit Nuwa Palace and offer incense!"

There it was: offering incense at Nuwa Palace.

Zi Shou had read a little of the Investiture of the Gods in his previous life. His memories were somewhat hazy, but he still remembered the incense offering at Nuwa Palace.

The Shang Dynasty had begun its decline after King Zhou's visit to Nuwa Palace to offer incense.

Wonderful! Let's offer it! Not only would he offer incense, he would also imitate King Zhou and inscribe a lewd poem in Nuwa Palace!

I want to be a foolish emperor!

Zi Shou could not wait. Afraid someone might object, he hurriedly said, "Empress Nuwa is a goddess possessed of sacred virtue. When Gonggong struck Buzhou Mountain with his head, the heavens tilted northwest and the earth sank southeast. Her Majesty gathered Five-Colored Stones to mend the azure heavens, rendering a great service to the people, who established shrines to repay her. Now, by worshipping this goddess of blessings in Chaoge, we may enjoy peace through all four seasons, ensure our dynasty endures, bring timely winds and rains, and quietly dispel calamities. She is a true deity who blesses the nation and shelters its people. I shall go in person to offer incense!"

Silence fell over the hall.

His Majesty had spoken well!

Even the officials who believed an imperial outing would burden the people and drain the treasury had nothing to say.

He was not going to flatter Nuwa by celebrating her birthday. He was thanking her for her achievements on behalf of the common people, hoping for timely winds and rains and freedom from calamity.

He was thinking of the whole realm.

When disasters struck, the people struggled to survive!

This was not merely an incense offering and birthday celebration. It was King Zhou's grand dream of a peaceful nation and a secure populace.

An enlightened ruler!

Seeing that the officials' expressions were not what he had expected, Zi Shou suddenly realized he had messed up.

How could a foolish emperor say something like that?

Even if he wanted to go to Nuwa Palace to inscribe a lewd poem, he should have found a shill among his officials. He should have refused every way he could while the official pleaded with him at every turn, threatening to dash his head against a great pillar if the king refused to heed his counsel. Only then should he reluctantly agree.

No, a foolish emperor should watch coldly until the official actually smashed his head against the pillar and blood spilled across the hall, then go offer incense out of guilt, right?

That wasn't right either. Could a foolish emperor feel guilty?

Should he not go? But then he couldn't offer incense. Without offering incense, how could he inscribe a lewd poem? Without the poem, how would he offend Nuwa?

Zi Shou felt rather irritated. Being a foolish emperor was a little harder than he had thought...

King Zhou returned to his palace, and his decree was issued.

The following day, the sovereign rode in his carriage, accompanied by the civil and military officials, to offer incense at Nuwa Palace.

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