I'm not dead yet

Patient information

Name: Zhang Youzhi

Age at diagnosis: 25

Pathology: liver cancer, brain metastases, lung metastases

Genetic mutation: positive for P53 mutation

Treatment: surgery, chemotherapy, targeted therapy

Medication: alectinib, etc.

Holding the report, Zhang Youzhi let out a breath and gently lowered himself onto a seat in the hospital.

It was fine. The doctor said I had two months even without treatment. If I took treatment seriously and spent a little more, I might even make it to the New Year.

I'd worked for three years and saved seventy or eighty thousand yuan. That ought to buy me a few more months.

There were so many stories of miracles online. As long as I pursued treatment, stayed calm, faced the illness with optimism, and took my medicine on time-

He searched for the name of the drug on the report.

Thirty thousand yuan a box.

Suddenly, Zhang Youzhi felt that his lower back didn't hurt quite so much. He coughed softly. The blood-streaked sputum was a little sticky, but his lungs didn't hurt quite so much either.

Morphine was cheap, ten yuan an ampoule. Sixty ampoules would cover two months. Zhang Youzhi didn't begrudge that money. He had money-more than he could spend in two months.

He called home.

"Oh, Youzhi. What did the doctor say? What's wrong?"

"Chronic bronchitis. Pretty bad, too. The medicine's expensive, over a hundred yuan a box, and I have to take it for months. Hurts just thinking about the cost."

"Expensive, my foot. Take your medicine and listen to the doctor. I've already told your dad he's not allowed to smoke on his long-haul trips anymore. That goes for you, too."

"I know, Mom."

He probably didn't need to worry too much about his parents. His father could keep driving long-haul routes for a few more years, and the family had taken out a loan two years ago to buy him a place in the county town.

His mother earned three thousand a month as a cashier at a small supermarket. It wasn't much, but at least the work was easy.

They were both waiting for him to settle down, waiting for him to get married. If he could give them a grandchild to hold, Zhang Youzhi felt his life would be complete.

His girlfriend, whom he'd started dating in college, had followed him all the way from Longnan back to Yimeng. Her family didn't even want a bride price. All they asked was that he treat their daughter well.

Of course, Zhang Youzhi had readily agreed. Honestly, he'd even felt a secret little thrill when he'd heard they didn't want a bride price. But that wouldn't do now. He would rather they had demanded an exorbitant sum, so he would have an excuse to break up with her.

At least I only had two months left. I wouldn't hold her back for too long.

Zhang Youzhi thought of his family again.

If only I had a younger brother or sister. My parents needed someone to live for.

Morphine was a controlled drug. I'd have to get a prescription from the doctor before buying it. I still had seventy-eight thousand. After buying the medicine, I'd have seventy-five thousand left. Forty thousand for my parents, twenty thousand for my girlfriend-though who knew whether she'd accept it.

That left fifteen thousand.

I'd have to spend that fifteen thousand within two months. My salary and performance bonus at the end of the month would bring in another five thousand.

Twenty thousand yuan.

That was Zhang Youzhi's entire budget for these two months. He had never experienced the luxury of spending ten thousand yuan a month.

I'd quit at the end of the month. My girlfriend was still teaching children in the little county town. I couldn't keep hanging around the company, either. I'd have a proper talk with my boss, then find time to go home and see my parents.

Then I'd visit my girlfriend at her school.

Summer vacation was coming up, too. I could take the opportunity to go back to Longnan with her, meet her family, and hand her back to her father.

I couldn't let her suffer a thousand miles from home because of me.

After that, I'd just wander. With twenty thousand yuan and a wreck of a body, I'd wander wherever I could. The farther, the better.

At that thought, Zhang Youzhi struggled to push himself to his feet.

His attending physician hurried past him, and Zhang Youzhi couldn't help asking one more time.

"Doctor, is there really nothing you can do?"

The doctor was busy. So was the hospital.

Zhang Youzhi wasn't. Carrying a bag of morphine, he stepped out of the hospital's inpatient building into the dazzling sunlight.

He'd been ambitious since childhood, setting himself the grand goal of buying a home in the provincial capital at an early age. But his ambitions certainly hadn't included a grand send-off to the grave.

The moment he left the hospital, a man in a black trench coat intercepted him with unerring precision. He looked as though he'd been waiting by the entrance for quite some time.

"Zhang Youzhi, right? May I take a look at that lab report?" the man in the trench coat asked with easy familiarity, wearing sunglasses.

"Who are you?" Zhang Youzhi was puzzled. He figured the man was one of the scammers commonly found outside hospitals. Their opening line was usually, "I can cure your terminal illness, but you have to pay me."

Scammers in sunglasses were a rare sight.

"I'm with a funeral services company."

So he wasn't a scammer.

Utterly despondent, Zhang Youzhi handed the report to this stranger and walked away without looking back. He'd meant to throw it away anyway. His family couldn't be allowed to see it.

After taking the report, the man removed his sunglasses. His eyes lit up at the stage IV cancer diagnosis, and he quickly called Zhang Youzhi back.

"Mr. Zhang Youzhi? This may be a little presumptuous, but I believe you won't mind. What I'd like to ask is-do you need a complete funeral service package?

"We're a comprehensive funeral services company offering bathing, dressing, makeup, placement of the deceased, mourning hall arrangements, on-site vigils, memorial farewells, temporary storage of ashes, return-night and fifth- and seventh-week rites, graveside offerings on your behalf, and funeral supplies..."

Zhang Youzhi froze at that, then let out a laugh of sheer anger. Suppressing the urge to hit him, he walked coldly up to the man, snatched back his report, and once again strode away without looking back.

I'm not dead yet. Doing business right outside a hospital-wasn't he afraid the patients' families would beat him to death?

"Wait, Mr. Zhang. I haven't finished. You really don't have to be so pessimistic. Birth, aging, sickness, and death are all part of life. I'm in this line of work, so I've long since learned to take it all in stride. You see..."

Zhang Youzhi turned and stared into the man's eyes. That icy gaze made the man in the trench coat retreat half a step.

The man worked in this business. He knew clients in this condition were the most likely to go to extremes.

I'd better say something to ease the tension.

"You may find this hard to believe, Mr. Zhang, but our services are directed exclusively toward our clients themselves. We won't involve your family, colleagues, friends, or anyone else. While providing you with a Grand Funeral, we also offer the most private funeral experience possible. Not only that, we can fabricate a story to make your family believe you're still alive..."

"Make my family believe I'm still alive?"

Zhang Youzhi was taken aback. There were funeral companies that deceived the bereaved like that?

Seeing his client's mood soften, the man struck while the iron was hot. "Many of our clients share that concern. In fact, while meeting their needs surrounding death, we can also delay their death in the eyes of society.

"We can fool your entire social circle perfectly, convincing them you've gone abroad for work or joined a special organization with strict confidentiality requirements. Then, as time washes things away, we'll gradually break the news to your family that you've died of illness, striving to minimize the impact on those around you.

"We'll also provide your family with follow-up emotional care, emotional compensation, and other services. We even have an extensive network of psychological counselors to ease our clients' fear of death..."

By the time the man finished his lengthy pitch, Zhang Youzhi was stunned.

Wasn't this exactly what I needed?

He had a girlfriend he adored and parents who loved him. Zhang Youzhi didn't want them to suffer from knowing he was terminally ill.

He loved them, too. He loved this world.

Suddenly, Zhang Youzhi felt that he desperately needed this whole package.

From Zhang Youzhi's reaction, the man in the trench coat knew the deal was all but secured. Now he only needed to wait for the client to ask. Just then, a gust of wind lifted his coat. He clasped his hands behind his back, adjusted his expression, and looked at Zhang Youzhi with profound concern.

"How much?" Zhang Youzhi asked hesitantly.

That was the question I'd been waiting for.

"Oh, you've made such a wise choice. That painkiller you're carrying is morphine, correct? I'll take the liberty of throwing in a supply of our latest pain medication. Ibuprofen, bucinnazine-none of them are as effective as our company's new drug, and it has fewer side effects than morphine, too.

"It guarantees that even when the pain flares up at the very end of your life, you'll be able to depart completely at ease..."

"How much?" Zhang Youzhi repeated.

"Just ninety-nine thousand eight hundred yuan! Funeral services guaranteed to leave you completely satisfied!"

"Too expensive."

For the third time, Zhang Youzhi walked away without looking back.