Something's Not Right About My Funeral
Chapter 36

Sincerity is always the ultimate weapon (please keep reading)

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Over the past few days, Li Douyu had roamed all over Songjiang City, putting up more than a thousand missing-person notices in total.

"Zhang Youzhi, you son of a bitch. You'd better hope I never find you." After once again evading a "passerby" trying to strike up a conversation, Li Douyu hid in a park, panting and gritting her teeth.

She had already realized that the people following her didn't seem particularly malicious. They kept trying to get close to her and become her friends. But that didn't mean she could let her guard down. These people definitely knew something about what was really going on, and they were always fishing for information.

It had started two days earlier, when that strange young couple latched onto her while she was putting up missing-person notices at the mall.

Since then, Li Douyu had enjoyed an endless streak of "good luck," running into that young couple by pure chance six times.

Besides those two weirdos, there was an even stranger pair of "siblings."

They looked nothing alike, yet they were pretending to be a biological brother and sister. Did they take her for an idiot?

Although those four were the only ones who stood out, Li Douyu knew there were definitely others watching her. They simply hadn't shown themselves.

Otherwise, there was no way an "acquaintance" could "happen" to run into her wherever she went.

Li Douyu had been in a park on the northern outskirts that morning, then at a mall on the southern end of the city that afternoon. Even then, she still ran into them. Not even she could believe there was nothing suspicious about that.

Today's work is done. Three days. If he still doesn't call me himself after three days, that means he's no longer able to contact me. I'll have to think of something else.

With that thought, Li Douyu lowered her sunglasses and caught the reflection of a sleazy man following her.

This man had been following her for two days already, but judging by his looks, he didn't seem to belong to the same group as those attractive young men and women.

Li Douyu gave nothing away as she walked back to her place. Instead of going straight inside, though, she made a few circuits around the neighborhood.

The sleazy man was clearly an old hand at this. The police station was right nearby, but he wasn't afraid in the slightest, strolling brazenly back and forth.

Li Douyu ground her teeth at the sight, but she had no good way to deal with him.

She went into a shop, bought two large watermelons, and carried them straight over to the officer standing guard at the police station entrance.

"Officer, thank you for working so hard on guard duty!" Li Douyu giggled as she set the watermelons beside the guard post.

"Oh, I can't accept these. Take them home and eat them yourself." The officer on duty was a young man who had become quite familiar with this girl who was always hanging around outside the station. The guards had discussed her among themselves and confirmed that she was a girl from out of town who had recently moved into the neighborhood. He just hadn't expected her to bring gifts.

They weren't allowed to accept so much as a needle or a piece of thread, let alone two huge watermelons. If his captain found out, wouldn't he make him run five kilometers? And how would it end? He'd get punished, while the whole team ate the melons.

He was way too smart for that! Better that nobody got any watermelon than for him to accept these two.

"Oh, just take them. Standing guard in summer is such hard work. These are a gift from a teacher serving the people." Li Douyu proudly puffed out her chest. She took immense pride in being an elementary school teacher.

"Oh! In that case, thank you on behalf of our whole team. But save these for your students." Hearing that she also worked in the public sector made the young man friendlier, but he still had no intention of accepting the watermelons.

Li Douyu grew anxious.

If he wouldn't take the melons, how was she supposed to get closer to the police? She was a woman all alone in an unfamiliar city. They were the only people she could rely on.

"Take them, take them."

"No, no."

"Take them, take them."

"No, n-"

"Call your captain over. You're accepting these two watermelons today!" Li Douyu planted her hands on her hips and unleashed her full teacherly authority, momentarily intimidating the young guard.

Why does this feel like being told to bring my parents in back at school?

Left with no choice, the young guard picked up his radio. "Captain, Captain, this is Li Fei. Here's the situation: there's a girl insisting on giving us watermelons..."

Li Douyu went back to looking sweet and well-behaved.

Before long, the captain arrived, wearing shoulder insignia with one bar and one star. He looked quite young too.

"Well, the regulations state that these watermelons..." The captain began with a smile, rubbing his hands together.

"Take them!" Seeing that the sleazy man had disappeared, Li Douyu let out a long breath and walked away without looking back.

The watermelons were left where they were.

Once Li Douyu had gone some distance away,

Li Fei turned to the captain. "Why do I get the feeling that girl isn't from around here?"

"Her accent isn't local. She's probably from out of town. A single woman living nearby might be a little scared and trying to get on friendly terms with us. Tell you what, step up patrols tonight. If she comes again tomorrow, have a proper talk with her. Tell her to call 110 if anything happens. Girls scare easily."

"Got it, Captain."

Li Douyu seized the opportunity to get home, locked every lock on the door, and hurriedly drew the curtains. Leaving a narrow gap, she kept a wary eye on the street below.

He's still there... This is trouble. Li Douyu's heart sank when she saw the sleazy man wandering around.

The police don't scare him. He's probably some hardened lowlife who's been in and out of lockup. I need to think of something else.

Talking to them scared him off just now. He probably doesn't know my exact address, but he knows I live nearby.

Li Douyu went back into the room and stared at the enormous chainsaw on the coffee table, her brows drawing into a fierce scowl.

Damn it. Just because Zhang Youzhi isn't here, am I supposed to be scared of this bastard? Worst case, we die together.

She poured some diesel into it and, copying what she had seen in a video, strapped the chainsaw to herself. Once it was secured, she lifted it with one hand, pointed it toward the door, and yanked the starter cord.

The chainsaw roared and belched black smoke, staining her smooth, fair little face with soot.

Its intimidating appearance and thunderous roar ought to bring a stalker back to his senses.

Li Douyu struggled to swing the twenty-pound chainsaw through the air a few times, then switched it off and fell silent, staring at the wood piled up in the room.

"Zhang Youzhi, where the hell have you gone?!"

Li Douyu stamped her foot hard, threw the chainsaw onto the floor, and broke down sobbing.

A campus building at Songjiang University.

"Second regular meeting of the Li Douyu task force."

Nanmen Yingyun lay sprawled across the table without a shred of decorum, staring blankly at the empty tube of Pepsi Chips.

Wen Xuanjing leaned back in his chair, staring dazedly at the bright fluorescent lights on the ceiling, his feet lifted off the floor and swinging back and forth.

Bai Song had dark circles under his eyes. The sunny confidence of a cheerful young man had vanished from his face. He smoked with his head tilted to one side, occasionally exhaling a melancholy smoke ring.

Gu Yu sat as calmly and properly as ever, seemingly unaffected by the state of everyone around her. But a closer look revealed two faint tear tracks on her peach-pink cheeks.

Yes, Li Douyu had made her cry earlier.

Si Weizhe took a deep breath as he looked at everyone.

"All right, all right. I know what you've all been through. Stop looking so dejected. And Xiaoyu, the target only snapped at you a couple of times. What's there to cry about?"

Nobody paid him any attention.

"Just hang in there, everyone. The hypnosis expert will be here tomorrow."

All four let out long sighs at once, and the atmosphere in the room immediately relaxed.

Si Weizhe: ...

"Clearly, we made a fatal mistake: we underestimated how much Zhang Youzhi means to Li Douyu. We only just learned that headquarters' cover was blown ages ago. In other words, Li Douyu has known for a long time that the Zhang Youzhi chatting with her was a fake."

"Under those circumstances, of course she'd become suspicious and irritable. Besides, the target was an elementary school teacher. Teachers, you know how they are. They're always yelling at kids. So don't overthink it, Xiaoyu. She didn't mean to yell at you."

"We deliberately approached her over and over, but instead of making friends, we only made her hate us... Well, hate you four. Not me.

"And we didn't get the results we were supposed to, let alone become her close friends. So, my four dear gold-medal friendship and romance experts, cheer up. We haven't lost yet."

"As the saying goes, appeal to reason and move people with emotion. Sincerity is always the ultimate weapon. Here's what we'll do: Bai, go buy some gifts. The five of us will pay her a proper visit tonight and put her at ease first."

Bai Song nodded, stubbed out his cigarette, and got up to leave.

"Right, everyone, get yourselves tidied up. Whether we can hold out until the hypnosis expert arrives tomorrow depends on the five of us." Si Weizhe gave the remaining three a little encouragement.

"Come on, we can do this!"

End of Chapter
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