Corpse Floaty Yogurt

On the train, Zhang Youzhi sat there looking glum.

"What's wrong? You look like a rabbit that just got screwed up the ass. Ah~ Open wide. Good boy~"

Just look at that use of metaphor. No wonder she was a language teacher.

Watching Li Douyu coax him like a child, Zhang Youzhi didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"People are going to get the wrong idea about you if they see this."

Li Douyu looked around and found that the other passengers were staring at her as though they'd seen a ghost. Even the attendant didn't dare come over, but she couldn't care less.

"So what? You deserve something nice on the seventh day after your funeral. Come on, ah~"

Yes, today marked Zhang Youzhi's seventh day after burial. Exactly seven days had passed since his funeral. Ever since his "resurrection," everything had been normal, apart from the occasional headache.

"Tell me, am I alive or dead now?" Zhang Youzhi looked down at his body, suddenly feeling wistful.

"To me, you're alive. To society, you're dead as hell. Look, ever since you came back to life, that White Whatever Company stopped hiding your name for privacy. Search Zhang Youzhi on Baidu, and all you get are videos of you being cut in half. Your tombstone's practically a tourist attraction now. Influencers keep coming to pour liquor for you and shoot videos. The nearby barbecue and egg-stuffed pancake vendors have even moved their stalls over there. The local government was planning to hold a memorial service for you, too. Not for any other reason-just to charge admission and boost the local economy."

Zhang Youzhi broke into an embarrassed sweat.

"Good thing your parents don't know how to use the internet, or they'd be scared out of their minds." Li Douyu rolled her eyes at him.

"I still have a backup copy of your ID, but I doubt it's usable anymore. When we were boarding the high-speed train, I tried buying a ticket with it. The ticket clerk asked whether I'd brought your urn and whether I needed to check it as luggage."

"In other words, the household registration network across the entire country has already updated your status to deceased. And there's no way to explain this, either. You can't exactly tell the police you came back to life, can you?" Li Douyu counted off the problems on her fingers.

"So I'm socially dead."

"It's fine. We'll pay for some fake documents and buy you a fake identity. We can still live our lives. Let Zhang Youzhi stay dead, as long as my big winter melon isn't dead." Li Douyu was unconcerned.

"Don't worry. Once we find Number Two, he'll sort it out for me," Zhang Youzhi said confidently.

Two S-Rank Emotional Disaster Carriers. Let's see if that scared him.

"So... your entire company only made one of those pills?!"

At White Jade Capital Company headquarters, Zhang Youzhi stared at Number Two in disbelief.

Number Two shrugged, indicating that there was nothing he could do.

"No. Think of something else. I can't stay stuck in this world, neither dead nor alive. What would that make me, a game bug?" Zhang Youzhi firmly shook his head.

"You really think those things are candy? Making even one wasn't easy. Drink this first." Number Two handed Zhang Youzhi a carton of Ambrosial yogurt.

Zhang Youzhi stuck in a straw and reflexively offered it to Li Douyu.

"It's for you. Why are you giving it to her?" Number Two hurriedly stopped him.

Zhang Youzhi glanced at him and took a sip of yogurt.

"Five hundred thousand per sip," Number Two said flatly.

"If that's how it's going to be, the two of us will self-destruct." Zhang Youzhi picked up a knife and held it across his neck.

Li Douyu followed his example, picking up a knife and holding it across her own neck.

Number Two: ...

This young couple really did seem to have something seriously wrong with their heads.

After finishing the yogurt, Zhang Youzhi felt warm all over. His head, in particular, felt as though a space had opened up inside it, pleasantly light and floaty.

"This stuff is called [Corpse Floaty Yogurt]. Everyone can see you now, but keep this in mind: you have no vital signs. Your body is cold, you have no heartbeat, and of course, you don't breathe. You can't feel pain, either," Number Two said.

"Doesn't that make me a dead man?" Zhang Youzhi touched his ice-cold body, deeply worried.

"What are you talking about? You were already a dead man." Number Two glanced at him.

Li Douyu pinched Zhang Youzhi's cheeks, then pressed herself against his chest to feel it. Finally, she said worriedly, "A little cold. You'd probably be nice to cuddle in summer, but what about winter?"

"We'll deal with winter when it comes." Number Two really didn't want to waste any more time with this couple, so he handed over two contracts.

"Both of you, sign."

[White Jade Capital Company External Personnel Agreement · Final Version]

[White Jade Capital Company External Personnel Agreement · Spectator Version]

"Wait, why aren't we getting equal treatment with these contracts?" Zhang Youzhi didn't understand.

"If you want Li Douyu risking her life on rescue operations for all kinds of disasters, have her swap with you," Number Two said lazily.

"So you're fine with me risking my life? Aren't you worried something will happen?" Zhang Youzhi handed Li Douyu the spectator version of the contract and asked curiously.

"You're already dead. What have you got to fear from dying? Relax. Even if you're blown to pieces, a bottle of Corpse Floaty Yogurt can bring you back. Employees like you, who can't feel pain, aren't afraid of radiation, can't suffocate, and don't need rest, are hard to come by. I've really struck gold."

The more Zhang Youzhi mulled over those words, the more wrong they sounded.

"I do have human rights, right?" Zhang Youzhi asked tentatively.

"Of course you do~" Number Two gave him a strange smile.

As for Li Douyu, Zhang Youzhi knew she was easygoing. Aside from him, she didn't care about anything else.

Still, he hadn't expected her to be so unconcerned that she signed the contract without a word.

"How did you sign that so readily?" Zhang Youzhi asked her.

"You already owe their company your life. If I don't hurry up and work to earn some money, how are we going to repay them?" Li Douyu didn't seem bothered.

She did have her priorities straight.

With that settled, Zhang Youzhi had no reason to hesitate either. He wrote his name in the signature field.

Number Two handed over two new phones, one for each of them.

"Employee benefits?" Zhang Youzhi asked in surprise.

"They're only worth two thousand each." Number Two registered a White Jade Capital account for him.

"Here's the Points Mall. You and your girlfriend each start with ten thousand points, and your access privileges are equivalent to those of a regional director. You can accept missions here. Of course, you'll be the one taking most of them. Given Li Douyu's special circumstances, we won't have her participate in dangerous missions."

"This is the world map." Number Two opened a map marked with seven continents and eight oceans.

"See these glowing spots on the map? All these different colors count." As he spoke, Number Two pointed at a green dot.

"This is the site of an F-rank emotional disaster."

"Yellow is D-rank, orange is C-rank, warm red is B-rank, and bright red is A-rank. Wait, why is there red on the map?" Number Two looked up, and he and Zhang Youzhi stared at each other.

"Why are you looking at me? I don't know anything," Zhang Youzhi said, bewildered.

Zhang Youzhi saw that the red dot was roughly around the Strait of Malacca.

Soon, Number Two returned after making a phone call.

"What happened?" Zhang Youzhi asked.

"A maritime disaster. A cruise ship carrying several thousand people hit a reef." Number Two took a deep breath.

"How many died?" Zhang Youzhi asked.

"They're still tallying the numbers, but the despair has already spread to A-rank. I'm afraid we're looking at at least a thousand. Rescue fleets from nearby countries are already on their way."

"Can't you predict these things?" Zhang Youzhi asked curiously.

"We can predict things that leave clues. Sudden incidents like this often slip past our predictions, and we can only respond as they happen. What the company does is really just fill in the gaps. After all, the world is still pretty peaceful these days. The world's official authorities handle these things."

That made sense. Zhang Youzhi's understanding of White Jade Capital Company deepened once again.