Can I Call You Dad?

Evening came.

On the dinner table sat a huge pot of stewed lamb, a heaping platter of lamb slices stir-fried with scallions, and lamb soup-a lavish spread for the family of three and Zhang Youzhi, four people in all.

Zhang Youzhi had once loved meat. Li Douyu's father raised a dozen or so adorable sheep, which loved wandering everywhere. Half of one had accidentally wandered onto the dinner table, for instance.

Zhang Youzhi was overwhelmed by the hospitality.

"Youzhi, eat, eat, eat." Li Douyu's father looked every inch the typical old farmer from Longnan, his face ruddy and his height about the same as his daughter's.

"Sure, sure. Thank you, Uncle." Zhang Youzhi steeled himself and nodded. Trembling, he struggled to tear a piece of lamb from his bowl with his teeth, then fought back his nausea and forced it down. He shook with every bite.

Li Douyu had clearly noticed something was wrong with her boyfriend. She put down her chopsticks and looked at him with concern.

"Youzhi, what's wrong? Don't like the food? You loved it the last few times you came."

"Nothing, nothing. My stomach's been a little upset these past couple of days. I'll just have something light." Zhang Youzhi gave Li Douyu a wide smile.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been struggling to eat for days. Did you bring your stomach medicine?" Li Douyu stopped eating, ran over to open their suitcase, and began rummaging for medicine.

"It's in my pocket. Look." Zhang Youzhi hurried to stop her and showed her the four little white pills in his palm.

Li Douyu eyed him suspiciously.

Zhang Youzhi swallowed one right there. Almost visibly, he began to perk up. He beckoned Li Douyu back to her seat and started wolfing down the big bowl of meat and ribs. He ate with tremendous relish.

He shoveled it in with rice, as though he had never seen meat before.

Reassured, Li Douyu sat down and kept putting meat into his bowl, then ladled him a bowl of soup.

"Oh, my big dummy. Here, let me get you some. We might be poor, but there's all the meat you can eat."

Watching the two youngsters being so lovey-dovey, Li Douyu's father couldn't help smiling. Then he turned to the old woman beside him.

"Ma, take a look at him later. Any illness that keeps you from eating is no small matter."

The old woman merely picked up pieces of stewed tofu at her own unhurried pace, paying no attention to her son or the two lovestruck youngsters.

She had been a barefoot doctor in her younger days, and an old practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine with some inherited training, too. Over the better part of a lifetime, those aged hands had witnessed countless births, illnesses, and deaths.

After dinner, Zhang Youzhi felt more at ease in his body than he ever had. Though it was late, he grabbed the can of dog food they had bought in the city and pulled Li Douyu along to see the black dog sleeping among the sheep.

First, Li Douyu woke the soundly sleeping black dog with a tap from a wooden stick. Then she opened her little hand, revealing the rounded pieces of kibble in her palm.

Zhang Youzhi crouched beside her.

Black Lump came over and sniffed the kibble in her palm, then raised his head disdainfully and returned to his spot among the sheep.

Under the dim yellow glow of the incandescent light, Li Douyu and Zhang Youzhi looked at each other.

"Why won't Black Lump eat it?" Li Douyu asked, baffled.

Black Lump was the black dog's name.

Zhang Youzhi looked at the pile of sheep bones in the dog's bowl, still with meat left on them, then at the black dog sleeping among the flock. It dawned on him.

"City dogs eat this stuff because they don't get meat. Who'd eat it if they had meat?"

"True." Li Douyu hugged the little can of dog food that had cost several dozen yuan, pained by the waste. Then she suddenly had an idea.

"Do you think people can eat this?"

"Probably not. People don't eat dog food," Zhang Youzhi said hesitantly.

"Want to try?"

"I refuse... mmph?!"

Black Lump didn't understand why humans had to kiss, or why they felt each other up in front of a whole flock of sheep.

Black Lump thought of Little White on the other hill. Little White was beautiful, with a soft tail and a bottom that even smelled nice. But Little White had stayed on that hill for only half a month before leaving in a human's car after the New Year.

Before leaving, Little White's owner had even whipped him with a stick and said something about having him neutered.

At the thought, Erhei looked at the two humans before him and felt inexplicably wronged. He curled up among the flock and closed his eyes along with those stupid sheep.

The night grew late.

Li Douyu was desperately sleepy, so Zhang Youzhi carried her into the room. The two of them squeezed together on the little bed.

Li Douyu had both little hands locked around Zhang Youzhi's neck. He finally managed to pry her fingers loose, then slipped away and tiptoed into the courtyard, closing the door behind him.

The pain had returned.

Out in the courtyard, Zhang Youzhi crouched on the ground, gasping in agony. A moment later, someone handed him a cup of hot water and helped him onto the steps.

"Thank you." Zhang Youzhi panted heavily, squeezing the words through his teeth.

The man said nothing. He simply watched the young man in silence.

"Uncle, I'm planning to stay here with her for three last days, then leave. I've let you down. I've let Yuyu down." The taut strings holding Zhang Youzhi together snapped almost at once. He sat on the steps, sobbing too hard to speak.

"There's really nothing the doctors can do?" Li Douyu's father was a man of painfully few words.

"Nothing. Nobody can cure it. After I leave, please help me keep it from her. I know you're the only one who can fool her. Keep it up for as long as you can."

"She's too stubborn." Li Douyu's father shook his head and lit another cigarette.

Zhang Youzhi began coughing violently, then vomiting. Undigested lamb mixed with blood from his lungs, all churned together into an indistinguishable mess. It hit the dirt like a lump of rotten meat.

Li Douyu's father hurriedly stubbed out his cigarette.

"It's fine, it's fine. Go ahead and smoke. Give me one, too." Zhang Youzhi grinned again, though the tears and blood made him look rather ridiculous.

"You're a good lad."

"..."

Thick fog usually rose over Longnan's mountains late at night, but tonight was different. The sky was clear of even a trace of mist, yet no light shone through anywhere.

The sky and mountains were pitch-black. Only two tiny embers flickered in turn halfway up the mountain, like the last two stars left in existence.

Li Douyu had no idea that the two men who loved her most in all the world were sitting together, discussing her future.

"After I die, if Yuyu finds a new boyfriend, don't stop her."

"I'll see whether he's any good. If he's half as good as you, I'll be at ease."

"All right."

"When you can't hide it anymore, just tell her the truth. Say I disappeared in an accident. Or say I died."

"I can't fool her. She'll figure it all out."

"Then tell her I died."

"Uncle, Yuyu and I were planning to register our marriage over summer break. We won't get the chance now. Would it be okay if I called you Dad?"

"Of course."

"Dad."

"Dad, tell me about Yuyu when she was little. She keeps all those stories from me."

"When she was a little girl, she liked a boy from outside the mountains. Then he moved away, and she cried and fussed for days."

"Well, well. I'll have to confront her tomorrow."

"Dad, how could you feel safe letting Yuyu leave with me?"

"She's like her mother. These mountains can't hold her."

"So you trusted me, too."

"Dad, do you think Yuyu will have a good life? If I were still here, I'd make sure she did."

"As long as I'm here, nobody will bully my girl."

"True. With you around, what am I worrying for?"

"Dad, I can't bear to leave Yuyu."

"It's all right. It's all right..."

At some point, one of the faint lights on the mountainside went out. After giving himself another injection of morphine, Zhang Youzhi let the smell of smoke air out, then went back inside to sleep with Li Douyu in his arms.

All that remained were cigarette butts scattered across the ground and a hunched old man, puffing away at his cigarette.

The older a person got, the less sleep they needed. By the time Li Douyu's father stood up, dawn was already breaking. He pushed dirt around with his shoe to cover the bloody froth and cigarette butts from the night before. Seeing his mother making breakfast, he went over and took two steamed buns.

"What did he say?" Li Douyu's grandmother asked.

"He's brought our girl back. He's leaving on his own."

After a long sigh that could have come from either of them, Li Douyu's father shouldered his basket and headed up the mountain.

If the Sichuan peppercorns were picked too late, he would miss the season. Dried over the next couple of days, they could fetch a good price. There were dozens of pepper trees, and he was picking them alone. Hiring help wasn't worth the expense, so he had to start early.

Inside, the two of them were still asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.