After calling Li Douyu so they could reassure each other they were safe, Zhang Youzhi slumped weakly into his seat. He looked so close to death that the train attendant kept coming over to ask whether he needed help.
Zhang Youzhi declined the attendant's kind offer.
He called an unlabeled number.
The voice that answered was familiar. Apparently, they hadn't changed operators.
"I've left enough money in my account. When does your service officially begin?"
"We can begin reactively or proactively. Which would you prefer?" Number Two's voice was unhurried on the other end.
"How would I know how much longer I have to live?"
"Approximately thirteen days," Number Two replied.
"That precise?" Zhang Youzhi gave a bitter smile.
"Please have faith in our company's professional standards. In accordance with our agreement, our romance expert is already on his way to Longnan. The moment you pass away is the moment our service begins."
"All right. About that painkiller... I'd like to buy a few more pills."
The other end went quiet for a little while.
"You still have two pills left, correct? We don't recommend taking any more. You've been taking them a little too frequently these past few days. They're intended for emergency pain relief, and they draw on your remaining life force. Continuing to use them heavily would reduce your life expectancy to around seven days. Of course, they would be seven relatively comfortable days."
"Forget it, then."
Zhang Youzhi thought living another six or seven days was very necessary.
"Thank you for understanding."
"I've pretty much settled all my affairs. Work, family, girlfriend, friends-I've taken care of all four. I have a question. If I die somewhere along the way, will you be able to find me and cremate me properly?"
"As long as you're still on Earth, we guarantee we can locate your body. Our four body-retrieval specialists are already converging on your location. They'll remain within fifty kilometers of you and arrive within two hours of your death to collect your body and hold a funeral on-site."
"Badass."
Zhang Youzhi sounded impressed.
"Thank you for the compliment."
"What does that romance expert who's already on his way look like? Send me a photo."
With a swoosh, a photo arrived on Zhang Youzhi's phone.
The man in the photo had chiseled features and eight-pack abs. His tousled long hair carried a classical, untamed beauty, and his face looked vaguely mixed Asian and Western. Definitely the kind of face that could attract ten million followers on Douyin. A lengthy introduction accompanied the photo.
[Kailin, Harvard University graduate, Sino-French mixed heritage, twenty-three years old. Can be sweet and puppyish or fierce and wolfish. Exceptional voice and looks, proficient in everything from laundry to cooking, and skilled in music, fine art, dance, composition, poetry, and other arts. Extreme sports enthusiast. Currently employed by the company as a romance expert. Extensive professional experience. Successfully won over fourteen young women within two months. Skilled in cross-dressing and voice imitation; can play different genders to pursue the same target client, regardless of the client's sexual orientation.]
Zhang Youzhi was awestruck.
He casually forwarded the photo showing Kailin's face and abs to Li Douyu. A moment later, her reply arrived.
"Did some mangy black mutt chew this idiot's hair?"
Zhang Youzhi fell silent for a moment, then called Number Two again.
"Call back this guy named Kailin. He isn't my girlfriend's type."
Number Two was clearly baffled too. He ventured cautiously, "Are you sure? Kailin is one of our outstanding romance experts, with an excellent professional track record. He has never failed an assignment."
"Tsk. He's about to. If you don't believe me, arrange a chance encounter and see for yourselves," Zhang Youzhi said dismissively.
Number Two hung up.
Half an hour later, Li Douyu called.
"Hey, big dummy. Some dumbass just parachuted out of the sky and landed right in front of our car. If my second uncle hadn't hit the brakes so well, that idiot would've been off to meet the King of Hell."
"And then?" Zhang Youzhi asked.
"Then he said he was a skydiving enthusiast and babbled at me forever. He even took it upon himself to call my dad 'Uncle' and asked us for a ride. He kept giving me flirty looks, too. Such a fussy, wishy-washy guy, like some woman."
"And after that?"
"Who does that bastard think he's fooling? Who parachutes into Longnan? Jumping into remote mountain forests is practically suicide. I had my dad call the police. We're waiting by the road for someone from the township government to collect him. He doesn't look like he's from around here. If he turns out to be a spy, we'll be rich! We might even get enough for a down payment on a house, hahahahaha-hic!"
Then came Li Douyu's wildly triumphant laughter.
Zhang Youzhi quietly hung up.
"A second romance expert is already on his way. This one is a genuine local. Our company will get Kailin out of there. The parachuting was admittedly a little rash; we failed to consider whether it made sense. We'll reassess Kailin's professional capabilities."
Number Two took the initiative to send Zhang Youzhi a lengthy apology.
Zhang Youzhi suddenly began to worry about the funeral company's competence.
Judging by how things had just gone...
Could I really die in peace?
Still, Zhang Youzhi patiently opened the second man's profile.
The photo showed a refined-looking man in glasses. He was handsome, but didn't seem as striking as the first one.
[Si Weizhe, twenty-seven years old. Holds doctorates in both law and philosophy from Qingbei University. Gold-medal debater, currently chief attorney at the Zhang Wei Law Firm. Also known as the big brother of little girls, the friend of teenage girls, the treasure of women, and the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law conflict terminator. Currently employed by the company as a romance expert. Excels at philosophical reasoning. Can effortlessly enter any woman's conversational framework, take control of the conversation, and dismantle her psychological defenses from within. Meticulous, more womanlike than women themselves, yet outwardly exhibits an extremely masculine approach to formal logic. Once fought his way through an argument among a gaggle of meddling women and won his target's affection.]
Zhang Youzhi thought for a moment and refrained from rashly forwarding the photo.
Instead, he searched online for that hugely popular "I'm a lawyer" video clip. The lawyer in it had a very similar air to this man.
Then he forwarded it to Li Douyu.
"Is this guy handsome?" Zhang Youzhi sent along with it.
Li Douyu replied instantly.
"Isn't that the really popular dumbass lawyer? Looks like a moron."
Zhang Youzhi sighed. He had already guessed the outcome.
He messaged Number Two again.
"Call back this Si Weizhe guy too. He isn't her type either."
Number Two also replied instantly.
"We respect our client's wishes. We have notified the second romance expert."
A moment later, Number Two sent another message.
"Our romance expert believes the target client is ignoring other men because you're still alive. In his view, only after you pass away and the target goes through a brief period of grief can a romance expert begin to fulfill his role.
Therefore, while you remain alive, he does not wish to withdraw voluntarily. At present, the target client is in a state of 'romantic invincibility,' and excessive interference would be inadvisable. Once that invincibility period ends, however, he can begin his work."
Once again, Zhang Youzhi was awestruck by what he read.
This Si Weizhe guy really knew his stuff. His analysis was crystal clear. Apparently, Zhang Youzhi had been worrying too much.
No wonder Li Douyu wasn't interested in them. That made sense-he wasn't dead yet.
"Then stay on standby for now. Once I'm dead, you can go straight in."
Zhang Youzhi carefully planned what would happen after his death. The thought of Li Douyu suddenly made his chest tighten.
He asked Number Two another question:
"Is there any way to make hearing about my death less painful for her?"
Before you continue