¤ Song Sixue's review 12-23 17:19:
We can post reviews now, la-ya-la! Here's a review suggestion: add a little more foreshadowing. The hints we can spot now are: 1. the truth behind Xing Yan's extraordinary encounter; 2. Ju Ying's identity (which is pretty much revealed already); 3. the truth behind the Poyang Lake incident; 4. the mysterious expert who helped them in the darkness. That's a little sparse. Take Jade Dynasty as an example: the secrets tied to Xiao Fan include: 1. practicing both Buddhist and Daoist arts; 2. the Bloodthirsty Bead; 3. the something-or-other stick (what was it called again?); 4. the Water Qilin; 5. the Jade Dynasty Ancient Sword.
These don't all count as foreshadowing; they're things that leave readers room to imagine. The Water Qilin and the Jade Dynasty Ancient Sword, for instance, send readers' imaginations soaring (actually, so do the dual Buddhist-Daoist cultivation and the Fire-Poking Stick). Maybe these things should be called "hooks." Jade Dynasty attached a lot of hooks to its protagonist right at the beginning, which is a very polished approach. Here, though, only the extraordinary encounter counts as a hook. The Poyang Lake incident is suspense, but it doesn't leave much room for imagination. You should add more hooks. This might be a bit of wish fulfillment, but The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber was written this way too. Song Sixue
㊣ Guan Pingchao's reply:
To Sister Sixue: very well put. In my future planning, I'll pay more attention to adding deeper hooks. Please believe me: the wish fulfillment is gradually unfolding. Though I'm aiming for a gentle, witty tone, that doesn't mean the protagonist won't stir up a mighty commotion-Ju Ying's identity is one example. Trust me, the protagonist's good fortune won't end here, nor will it amount to nothing but