Daughter

[Congratulations! Are you Yuanyin's husband?]

[Yes...]

[The delivery went smoothly. Mother and daughter are both doing well!]

[A daughter?]

[That's right, Toji. You have a daughter.]

A daughter...

Toji jolted awake from his dream. He seemed to have dreamed again about the day his wife had given birth to their daughter. His muddled life, once nothing but black and white, had suddenly burst into color that day.

His wife. His daughter.

A smile almost curled his lips, then froze. Somehow, he felt he shouldn't be smiling.

His head felt like he had a hangover, hazy and muddled. But a body blessed with heavenly restriction couldn't get drunk, so for a moment, he couldn't shake off the daze.

He got out of bed and threw on some clothes. Even after washing up in the bathroom, his mind remained foggy and heavy.

-What was he supposed to do today?

He opened the bedroom door. Yuanli sat in the living room. At eight years old, she wasn't particularly tall and looked a little malnourished.

Hearing him, she glanced back and said without a ripple of emotion, "Toji, it's time to go."

-Go? Where?

He didn't ask aloud. Instead, in a rare show of obedience, he followed Yuanli like a stray dog with nowhere to go.

He followed his thin, frail daughter out of their home. Just as he stepped outside, Yuanli turned and asked, "Toji, did you feed your son?"

He frowned, unsettled. Honestly, he didn't like Yuanli calling her little brother that, even if he sometimes forgot he had a son himself.

"I have a son?" He was teasing his daughter.

How would an ordinary little girl react to that? Would she complain loudly? Or scold him like a proper big sister?

Curious, he waited to see which Yuanli would do, but he was disappointed.

Yuanli did neither. She merely gave him an indifferent glance, then opened the door and went inside to do what should have been a father's job.

-It shouldn't be like this. He would have done it. He just...

Toji felt a little lost. He uncrossed his arms and let them drop to his sides. He lifted a hand to push the door open, but while he hesitated, his daughter had already returned to the doorway, shut the door, and carefully locked it.

No complaints. No reproach. She didn't even look at him. She walked on by herself, then deftly took out money and bought two tickets. Even when they boarded, she behaved like a little adult, letting him get on first with his hands in his pockets before feeding the tickets into the slot behind him.

There were quite a few people aboard, but there was still a seat available-just one. It was a prime spot, where you didn't have to sit beside a stranger or endure the unpleasant air stirred up by people moving past.

It was even a single window seat.

Some people were tempted, but when they saw Yuanli swaying slightly even as she stood, they politely yielded.

A path opened up. Everyone signaled with their eyes for little Yuanli to take the seat. Toji included.

The girl moved, but only to tug at the hem of his shirt. With a force Toji couldn't refuse, she dragged him over to the seat.

Under everyone's eyes, he settled into the prized single seat without a care.

Shame or guilt? Sorry, he had neither. His mood even lifted enough for another smile to threaten his lips, but what came next wiped it away completely.

Yuanli leaned against the handrail, looked up at the train's station chart, and said, "This train doesn't go straight to the hospital. We'll probably be on it for quite a few stops. You can sleep for a while."

The hospital...

Right. His wife was sick.

The swirling fog shrouding his mind seemed to clear a little, exposing every detail he didn't want to remember.

How could he keep himself from thinking about it?

Toji rested his head against the window and closed his eyes again.

Perhaps he really was exhausted. On the noisy, rocking train, he fell asleep once more.

[What should we name her? Just pick any girl's name. I'll remember it anyway.]

[A girl's name? Toji, you're terrible! Does that mean if we'd had a son, we'd have to give him a girl's name just so you'd remember it?]

[That would work for me.]

[Forget it... Let's keep calling her Yuanli.]

[Keep calling her that? Don't tell me Yuanli is some man's name! Am I a replacement?!]

[What?! Toji, stop talking nonsense! I'll hit you! You'd better remember your own daughter's name!]

[Hahahahaha! That tickles! All right, all right, I will.]

Yuanyin, Yuanli, Toji Zenin.

It was as though he belonged to a different world from theirs.

A sudden brake jolted him awake. Instinctively, he searched for his daughter, only to find her gone.

Panic suddenly stirred in him. He hurriedly stood up, about to get off, when something tugged at his shirt again.

Yuanli was sitting behind him. "Not yet. One more stop."

He sat back down without explaining himself or saying another word.

Five minutes later, the train reached their stop.

They got off to begin the next part of their journey: a three-hour walk.

There were no taxis to be found between the West District and Bunri Town. Along that road, all you could see were waves of green, unripe wheat stretching into the distance. Really, compared with Kyoto, where Toji had once lived, Kanagawa was downright rural.

-Why had they come to Kanagawa in the first place? There wasn't even anywhere to bet on horse races.

Toji grumbled inwardly as he strode ahead. He idly kicked a stone at his feet. Even a casual kick from that strongest of bodies sent tremendous force into it.

The little stone shot toward a nearby trash can, striking it with a sound loud enough to turn heads. It actually sounded like a temple bell.

He instinctively glanced back at his daughter, like a foolish father who had done something to catch his child's attention and couldn't wait to see her reaction.

Yuanli, whose strides were much shorter, quickened her pace and went over to the trash can. She picked up the shattered pieces of stone and tossed them back into the field.

As though dealing with an ill-mannered tourist. As though dealing with a stranger who shared none of her blood.

It was fine. He didn't care. This was far more civilized and gentle than anything he'd experienced in the Zenin Clan. Admitting that his child didn't love him all that much wasn't difficult for him at all.

Someone like him-his genes, his blood, his body, his soul-had been born to be hated. It was only natural that people despised him. He even thought that once Yuanli learned about his heavenly restriction, she might find him even more embarrassing and hate him more than she did now.

They continued their journey, but this time Yuanli walked in front.

Toji slowed his pace and followed behind the child. Suddenly, he missed Yuanyin a little. He wondered when she would recover.

Did Yuanyin love him very much? He didn't actually know. That was why he hadn't dared tell her about his former work, the constitution he considered peculiar, or what his damned surname meant. He was terrified that once he spoke, the familial love he'd found would vanish into smoke.

What he shared with Yuanyin was more familial love than anything else, built upon layer after layer of his lies.

Only on the third ring of the phone in his pocket did he realize he ought to take it out and answer.

He picked up the phone. The caller ID read [Crematorium].

It felt as though he had plunged into an icy abyss. The legendary Heavenly Tyrant's hand shook so badly he couldn't even press the answer button.

"Give it to me, Toji." A child's voice sounded beside him, but hearing it didn't mean he could respond.

As the shrill ringtone threatened to pierce his eardrums, those small hands took the phone from him.

"Hello. Is this Mr. Watanabe from the crematorium?... Yes, I'm family... All right, when?... That's fine. I'll go along with the hearse... What?... No need. It's all right, I can manage on my own... Sorry for the trouble, then. Goodbye."

The flip phone snapped shut. Apart from the wind rustling through the wheat, all that remained was a silence that seemed to suffocate him.

-Yuanyin had been sick. Yuanyin was dead.

-Dead. They were even going to burn her to ashes.

-He didn't want to go. He wouldn't go.

Toji was far more fragile than he thought. He simply stood there, his body trembling as though facing a deadly enemy. Pain pulsed through his head. That hangover-like feeling tormented his brain again, and even the world before his eyes blurred.

He wasn't ready at all. He even wished he would never be ready.

Through his daze, he felt a force pulling him along. He followed it with unsteady, wavering steps, then sat down blankly.

The pull released him, as though whoever was responsible had left for a moment. Soon, a bottle of cold drink, giving off a faint chill, was pressed into his hand.

He lowered his eyes to the drink, watching the tiny beads of condensation slowly gather in the muggy air, then fall with unwavering purpose onto the web between his thumb and forefinger.

That drop had been born, gathered, and then died. What about the next one? The next drop, knowing the ones before it were headed for death? Did it have to be so heedless? Was death truly unavoidable?

Before he could work it out, the drink was taken away. When it returned to his hand, every tiny bead of water had been wiped away, leaving only a dry bottle. Even the cap had been unscrewed for him.

Toji looked up at his young daughter and felt even less able to breathe.

Yuanli looked half like Yuanyin and half like him. Especially her hair color and those eyes, so vividly green they seemed about to drip.

At that moment, those eyes held no disappointment in her father, no pity, no dislike. They were as calm as the still waters of a distant pool.

"Drink. Then take a moment."

He obediently took a sip, then looked at Yuanli like a robot awaiting instructions.

"One more sip, and we need to go."

He obediently took another sip and watched his little daughter take the drink, screw the cap back on, and tug at his shirt as she slowly led him forward.

The three-hour walk took them nearly four hours before they reached the hospital.

By the time they arrived, it was already afternoon.

He entered the elevator with Yuanli, and they descended to level B2. When the doors opened, the smell of death and the bone-deep cold left him unwilling to take another step.

He chose to stand by the elevator doors, while Yuanli-tiny Yuanli-stood alone outside the morgue.

The iron door opened, and a doctor came out. Seeing Yuanli, he said awkwardly, "Yuanli, didn't I tell you? You can't sign without an adult family member accompanying you. Hospital regulations require a spouse or an adult child..."

"Doctor." Yuanli tugged at his coat, interrupting him. "My mother's husband is here. With him accompanying me, can you let me sign?"

The doctor frowned in displeasure. "Can't your mother's husband sign? Why make a little child..."

"Doctor!" Yuanli raised her voice a little. "Please. It's all right. Let me do it."

[It's all right. If Toji can't do it, let me.]

In his memories, Yuanyin had protected him like that too. Now it was his daughter's turn.