Kicking North Sea Kindergarten's Ass

"Shinji, please don't misunderstand." Masashige Sarutobi wasn't stupid. He knew Shinji was deliberately looking for trouble today, but his position left him no room to back down. "My father is my father, and I am me. Our classmates may simply have taken their jokes too far. I'm only speaking as their classmate because I don't want to see anything unpleasant happen."

"Jokes?" Shinji scoffed. He ignored the explanation and started throwing accusations around. "As one of the Shinobi Clans that founded this village, the Uchiha have shed blood and laid down their lives for Konoha for thirty years, earning illustrious honors in battle! Every inch of Konoha's soil is soaked in the blood of our Uchiha forebears! Now, before their bodies have even grown cold, certain 'parasites' in this village dare to openly slander and insult my clan in the classroom! Do you think I can stand by and do nothing as a member of the Uchiha?"

That barrage of forceful-and highly inflammatory-accusations left Masashige Sarutobi's scalp tingling as he inwardly lamented his predicament. Why didn't Shinji Uchiha play by the usual rules? Who had taught him to turn a petty dispute into a matter of principle? He was far too practiced at this!

Before he could react, Shinji pointed at the lackeys who had been making the most noise. "You, you, and you! All of you just made inappropriate remarks about the Uchiha, one of this village's founding Shinobi Clans! No matter what, we aren't letting this slide! If you're a man, step forward! Stop hiding behind someone else like a coward!"

With things having gone this far, Masashige Sarutobi could no longer smooth it over. But he couldn't really let these followers of his take the fall, either. They flocked around him because of the Sarutobi Clan and his father, the Hokage. If he backed down now, who would be willing to fight on the Sarutobi Clan's behalf in the future? Once people lost faith in him, keeping them in line would be difficult.

Well... Masashige sighed inwardly, knowing this fight was unavoidable. "Since you believe this is the only way to resolve the problem, Shinji, then... let me be your opponent." He quickly reframed the incident as "classmates fighting to blow off steam" and stepped in himself. That way, it would be easy to wrap things up regardless of who won. If the accusation of "slandering a founding Shinobi Clan" actually stuck, those children from minor clans—and their families—would have a hard time showing their faces in Konoha afterward.

But Shinji, who had dominated the Uchiha kindergarten for years, had no interest in merely beating up a child who understood political maneuvering. "What's wrong? Are you just going to watch the Sarutobi Clan's young master take the fall for you? Are you men or not? If you are, step forward and take your beating yourselves! Don't make me look down on you!"

Those words were like a match dropped into a powder keg. How could those hotheaded young lackeys endure that sort of provocation? They charged forward with furious howls, forgetting all about ninjutsu as they swung their fists and lunged at Shinji.

Shinji curled his lip and grabbed a wooden cleaning pole nearby, which seemed to turn into a sharp sword the instant it entered his hand. Rather than retreating, he advanced! His figure flickered as he slipped into the crowd like a phantom, bringing the pole down in a precise "jumping slash"-really just a whack-that immediately dropped a background extra named Nara?. Then he turned sideways and cleanly kicked another nameless extra away. Standing with the pole in hand, he gave Masashige Sarutobi a challenging look. "Well? Is the Hokage's son going to keep watching?"

At this point, Masashige Sarutobi had no choice but to act. Unable to gauge Shinji's abilities, he dared not recklessly use ninjutsu for fear of causing a real accident, so he joined the fray with Taijutsu instead.

But he soon realized he had been wrong-terribly wrong!

The wooden pole in Shinji's hands seemed to come alive, leaving trails of afterimages. They were clearly basic Uchiha Style Taijutsu movements, yet in his hands they carried an indescribable fluidity and pressure! With the [Clear Sword Heart] talent empowering him, even a mere wooden pole made him seem possessed by a Swordmaster! The temporary bonuses of agility +15, reaction +15, and strength +5 made his movements faster than his peers could comprehend! With Taijutsu alone, he could even overpower some Chunin who specialized in it!

Shinji swung the pole with effortless ease, giving Masashige Sarutobi most of his "attention" and forcing him into a frantic scramble. Every so often, he caught a lackey attempting a sneak attack with a smack on the backside, or deftly tripped one flat on his face. He was having a wonderful time.

Just as Shinji grew bored and prepared to turn up the pressure to end this farce, something unexpected happened!

A dark shadow silently darted out from behind a lackey, striking viciously at Shinji's calf! His [Intuition] activated, sounding an alarm in his mind, and he abruptly leaped backward, narrowly avoiding it. Looking closer, he realized it was Shibi Aburame! The fellow had slipped over at some point, and that attack had probably used some kind of insect ability.

Almost simultaneously, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio finally made their move!

"Partial Expansion Jutsu!" Choza Akimichi shouted, his arms instantly swelling as they swung toward Shinji like two massive hammers! Shinji experimentally blocked with the wooden pole. The force was heavy and powerful, but still within what he could withstand. Without a "sword," it might have been troublesome, but now...

However, the Ino-Shika-Cho combination was far more than the sum of its parts. Choza held the front like a tank, drawing attention; Shikaku Nara's Shadow Imitation Technique couldn't immobilize Shinji completely because of his young age and limited chakra, but it always interfered at crucial moments when he moved or exerted force, like an irritating tripwire. Inoichi Yamanaka's mental-disruption Secret Technique also struck from time to time. Though weak, it was enough to distract him. Meanwhile, freed from the pressure of confronting Shinji head-on, Masashige Sarutobi immediately recovered the competence expected of a Sarutobi Clan ninja. He began circling in search of openings, launching sneak attacks with various basic ninja tools and Taijutsu.

In a coordinated battle at this level, the remaining lackeys could do little more than cheer-and occasionally get in the way.

For the moment, with damaging ninjutsu off-limits-Shinji's wooden pole also counted as "non-damaging"-and without being able to actually injure his classmates, Shinji still held the upper hand. His extraordinarily high stats and understanding of the "sword" let him fend off attacks from every direction, but their unexpectedly seamless teamwork had temporarily tied him down, bringing the fight to a brief stalemate.

Finally, Masashige Sarutobi spotted an opening and rapidly formed hand seals. "Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique!" A small but scorching fireball shot forth, aimed not at Shinji himself, but precisely at the tip of the wooden pole in his hands!

Boom! The fireball exploded, instantly charring and splintering the pole's tip. The powerful impact also made Shinji falter.

Seizing that opportunity, Masashige Sarutobi quickly retreated and shouted, "Stop! Everyone, stop!" He also signaled Shikaku to help restrain the lackeys who still wanted to charge in.

"You really are impressive, Shinji!" Masashige caught his breath, showing just the right mixture of admiration and a rueful smile. "Even with so many of us attacking together, you still overpowered us alone. It looks like we'll have to train twice as hard, or you'll leave us far behind." He hurriedly steered the conversation toward "classmates sparring" and "improving together." "I hope you won't take what happened earlier to heart, Shinji. Our classmates really meant no harm. I hope you'll offer us plenty of guidance in our training from now on, too. We're all Konoha ninja, inheriting the same Will of Fire, and our goal is to protect this village. Nara?, and the rest of you-what you said and did earlier really was inappropriate. Be more careful in the future!"

Shikaku immediately caught on, too. He had Choza hold down the disgruntled lackeys who still wanted to protest, while he and Inoichi stepped forward to smooth things over and ease the tension.

Seeing the conflict subside, with his boss clearly having suffered no disadvantage and instead looking impressive, Torayoshi Uchiha quietly returned to his seat. He hadn't been particularly worried anyway. Back in the clan compound, his boss Shinji's bouts of "terrorizing boys and girls alike" were far more intense than this. He was long used to them. If he rashly went up to help, his boss might decide he was in the way and beat him up along with everyone else.

Shinji flexed his wrist and tossed aside the charred half-pole. Though the fight hadn't fully satisfied him, it had at least vented some of the frustration built up from having nothing to do lately. He could more or less call himself refreshed. He quit while he was ahead, unwilling to bother further with those brats, and accepted the way out Shikaku offered. He let himself be led aside for "tea"-actually water-to wait for lunch break to end and the teacher to return.

The long-absent system notification sounded then.

"Congratulations to the host for earning the achievement 'Kicking North Sea Kindergarten's Ass.' As the saying goes, stomping weaklings feels good once; keep stomping them, and it keeps feeling good. The host fought multiple opponents of the same level simultaneously and won, earning the talent 'multithreaded CPU.'"

"Talent 'multithreaded CPU': the host's brain excels at handling multiple tasks simultaneously. When fighting multiple opponents, the host can analyze several opponents' patterns of action at once and devise corresponding counterstrategies."

Shinji raised his eyebrows. This was a pretty good reward!

The commotion in the classroom had subsided for now, but certain invisible boundaries and perceptions seemed to have become clearer after the conflict. Through a fight that appeared to be nothing more than childish troublemaking, Shinji had not only relieved his boredom, but also, to some extent, tested the reactions and limits of the classroom's different factions.

"Hmm, now things are a little more interesting." Shinji sipped his water and watched his classmates' varied expressions, an almost imperceptible smile curling at the corner of his mouth.