Kaguya Jun had gone out to stand in the street at seven in the morning. Two hours later, Uzumaki Gamu still hadn't appeared, which infuriated him. But he was already standing outside-looking very handsome-and a crowd had gathered around him. Going back inside to fetch someone now... would be far too embarrassing! (Kaguya Jun: I look like a master right now. How could I possibly slink back inside?)
Standing here like an idiot is what's really embarrassing! thought Nara Shikatsugu, who had brought a stool and was sitting nearby to watch.
Just then, the chubby boy beside him asked, "Shikatsugu, when's that Uzumaki guy coming out? Can he hurry up and fight already? Once they're done, I can go back and eat!"
"Ding Ke! Didn't you eat this morning? How are you hungry already?" Shikatsugu said to the little fatty beside him. "Oh, never mind. You're always hungry. Lasting this long was pretty impressive already." He explained everything for Ding Ke before the boy could even speak.
The chubby Ding Ke grinned foolishly. He was an heir of the Akimichi Clan.
Anyone who had watched Naruto knew that although the Akimichi, the Nara, and Ino's family, which hadn't appeared yet, were three separate clans, they had worked together for years. They were closer than members of the same clan! In this chaotic shinobi world, they were a rare example of people who could trust one another completely!
The main reason for that was survival in this chaotic era!
These three clans each had their own unique inherited ninjutsu: the Shadow Imitation Technique (Nara-the deer), which manipulated shadows to restrain or attack; the Multi-Size Technique (Akimichi-the butterfly), which enlarged the whole body or individual parts to increase destructive power; and the Mind Body Switch Technique (Ino-the boar), a technique for mental control.
All three techniques had their own special features and were powerful ninjutsu. However, they also had corresponding weaknesses, so surviving this chaotic era with those techniques alone was simply too difficult!
Thus, to protect themselves, the three clans united as staunch allies and developed a well-coordinated formation called Ino-Shika-Cho!
In battle, the highly intelligent Nara Clan, with its Shadow Imitation Technique, generally handled tactics and central control. The Yamanaka Clan, skilled in sensing and mental control, detected targets and linked the three fighters' minds. Finally, the Akimichi Clan delivered the attack with its immense destructive power.
With this fighting method, the three clans could hold their own against the other major clans in the chaotic shinobi world!
Back to the matter at hand. Shikatsugu told Ding Ke, "Well, if you're hungry, go back to the Reception Hall and eat!"
"But Dad and the others told us to come watch..." Ding Ke said hesitantly.
"It's fine. I can handle things here! You can just stay in your room like Ino!" Shikatsugu reassured him. Unlike his descendants, who hated troublesome things, Shikatsugu seemed to be a long-suffering mother hen. Well, perhaps his fondness for fussing over everything was precisely what made his descendants so averse to trouble?
Just then, our protagonist and the central figure in this incident, Uzumaki Gamu, sauntered out of the Reception Hall with a yawn. Seeing the crowd around him, he greeted them. "Whoa! Quite a turnout!"
Madara, who had already been standing outside for ages, thought, This guy isn't normally such a dawdler. Which means... this sluggish act is a tactic?
Opposite Madara stood Hashirama, who knew Uzumaki Gamu better. Ahahaha, Gamu's setting someone up again. That Kaguya kid's in trouble!
"Hmph, you finally came out?" Kaguya Jun snapped when he saw Uzumaki Gamu amble over. "You're a ninja, yet you get up this late? What a disgrace!"
"Aren't you just too impatient? I only said morning. I never gave you an exact time... Standing here like a scarecrow, you might as well rename yourself Kakashi." Uzumaki Gamu picked his nose and yawned as he spoke. He clearly didn't take his opponent seriously at all!
"A scarecrow? I'll make you as full of holes as one right now!" Uzumaki Gamu's attitude sent Kaguya Jun into a towering rage. Curved bone blades emerged from his arms, and he charged at Uzumaki Gamu. He wanted to poke ten thousand holes straight through him to vent his anger!
Wait, ten thousand holes straight through him?... Were you Zhang Fei from New Three Kingdoms?
"Stop!" Uzumaki Gamu suddenly raised a hand.
Kaguya Jun obediently stopped. "What do you want?"
"I need to warm up!" Uzumaki Gamu began leisurely stretching.
"What did you say? Warm up?!" Kaguya Jun roared. Fuck! Ninja battles erupted in an instant, and everything changed in the blink of an eye. Since when did anyone call a time-out to warm up? Treating a fight like a game-what kind of fucking ninja was that?!
"What, you want an unfair victory? Well, I guess that's all you're capable of. Sneaking up on people when they're unprepared, like some lowlife!" Uzumaki Gamu began spouting nonsense.
"You're the fucking lowlife!" Kaguya Jun exploded. "Fine! Since you want to warm up, I'll graciously give you that chance! That way you won't have an excuse when you lose!" With that, he returned to his spot and resumed posing handsomely.
Shikatsugu rolled his eyes. He tells you to stop, and you stop? How obedient... Isn't this guy a little too gullible?
Uzumaki Gamu began making a show of warming up. It lasted ten minutes, leaving everyone around him impatient. The spectators wanted to go beat him up themselves!
Across from him, Kaguya Jun was as restless as an ant on a hot pan, but he forced himself to cool down. Stay calm. I'm the stronger one. How can I let him lead me around? I need to maintain a master's bearing! Don't let him affect me. Right... I'll let him attack first! He's the challenger, after all! Oh? Uzumaki Gamu was the challenger? Would you win, then?
The innocent Kaguya Jun confidently answered in his heart, I'll win! This kid probably didn't know that the most famous person to say those words had already become 2.5~
After spending ten minutes on it, Uzumaki Gamu finished warming up. He told Kaguya Jun, "Okay, I'm ready!"
"Hmph, bring it on!" Kaguya Jun said, putting on a master's airs.
"Bring what? I didn't bring anything. What am I supposed to bring?" Uzumaki Gamu asked with an innocent, puzzled expression.
Hearing that, Kaguya Jun flew into a rage. "Who the fuck asked you to bring anything?! I'm telling you to come hit me!"
Uzumaki Gamu looked "shocked." "You want me to hit you? What an unbelievably pathetic request! I've never heard anyone ask for that! You're the most pathetic bastard I've ever met!"
"I... you... motherfucker! Die!" Kaguya Jun's brain overheated and crashed. All he could do now was skewer Uzumaki Gamu like a kebab!
Then he charged at Uzumaki Gamu!
Watching the fight, Shikatsugu thought, That Kaguya guy's lost it. He's actually going for the kill right under the Daimyo's nose? Can the Uzumaki guy withstand this attack?
Hashirama thought, This is bad. He's going all out. If Uzumaki Gamu hasn't entered Sage Mode... he'll be in danger! Worried about his friend's safety, Hashirama had already slapped his hands together and begun forming hand seals!
Meanwhile, Madara, with his Sharingan activated, had noticed Uzumaki Gamu's subtle movements. His hand seals are fast. And that seal is for summoning...
Just as Madara thought that, Uzumaki Gamu slapped his hand forward and shouted, "Ninja art: Summoning Technique-Crushing the Food Stall Technique!" A toad-the Toad King-appeared out of thin air and pinned the charging Kaguya Jun to the ground.
This was a technique Jiraiya would frequently use in the future: the Crushing the Food Stall Technique, also translated as the Food Stall Destruction Technique. Put plainly, it summoned a giant toad and dropped it straight down like a mountain. Simple, efficient, direct, easy to execute, and highly destructive!
After being summoned, the Toad King asked in confusion, "Boss, what did you summon me for?"
"To squash someone... Can't you feel someone under your butt?" Uzumaki Gamu asked.
The Toad King wriggled his bottom, felt what was beneath him, and asked uncertainly, "It feels... like there's something there?" Hey, there was a person underneath him. Was grinding down like that really appropriate?
After three years of growth, the Toad King was twice his former size. He could now easily crush Kaguya Jun into a seriously injured state.
As the Toad King ground down, Kaguya Jun's piercing screams came from beneath his bottom. See? There he was, screaming!
Hearing those agonized screams, Kaguya Jun's elders stopped caring about fairness and immediately rushed in from the side.
On the Uzumaki side, seeing the opposing adults charge in with no regard for fair play, they likewise threw all restraint aside and rushed out to intercept them. Were the two sides about to descend into a brawl?
Absolutely not. This was the Capital City of the Land of Fire! What sort of conduct was fighting here?
Thus, Uzumaki Gamu, who understood the bigger picture, had the Toad King move his bottom, pulled Kaguya Jun out, and shouted at the Kaguya clansmen, "Stop, or I'll kill him!"
Seeing that he had a hostage, the Kaguya had no choice but to stop. The ninja leading their group shouted at Uzumaki Gamu, "If you hurt so much as a hair on his head, we'll grind your bones to dust!"
"Who the fuck are you trying to scare?!" Uzumaki Gamu drew a kunai, then... then did nothing with it. He simply delivered a flying kick that sent Kaguya Jun back to his clansmen. Wait, you just gave him back? Why draw the kunai, then?
Mainly because, after drawing it, Uzumaki Gamu remembered that the Kaguya were a bunch of rabid dogs. Most of the time, they wouldn't listen to reason, even if someone threatened their clansmen. On the contrary, actually hurting one of their own would mean a fight to the death. The best choice against opponents like these was to kill them outright. However, this was the Daimyo's territory, so killing was definitely off the table.
If he couldn't kill them... he would leave it until the next time he could!
So Uzumaki Gamu voluntarily backed down a step and tossed Kaguya Jun back!
Once Kaguya Jun had been returned, three guards immediately wanted to attack, but their leader stopped them. "This is the capital. We can't fight here... Take Jun back first. We'll discuss revenge later!" There was a reason he had been chosen to lead them. His brain worked considerably better than those of the others!
At least he didn't lose his head so easily!
Although the others were idiots, they at least understood that they should obey their superior. Wearing deeply displeased expressions, they took Kaguya Jun away!
The ninja leading them stayed behind to issue a threat. "Uzumaki, we'll remember this! One day, we'll show you the true power of the Kaguya!"
Uzumaki Gamu snapped back, "Anyone can make threats! I'm only letting you off this time out of respect for the Daimyo! If you Kaguya dare come looking for trouble, next time I'll treat you bastards to dragon fruit and a kick straight to the chest! I'll beat the shit out of your whole family!" Against this pack of rabid dogs, he needed proper dog-training techniques!
Everyone close to Uzumaki Gamu cringed at his words. Honestly, few people in the Warring States era made threats like that! When tempers flared, they simply drew their blades and hacked at each other. Who had the time to stand around making threats? Threatening to kick the shit out of people... was honestly a little disgusting!
Although the Kaguya leader wanted to swear back, people who normally just cut others down had no idea how to trade insults. Fighting Uzumaki Gamu here would also disrespect the Daimyo. With fighting out of the question, he could only retreat for now!
Thus, after glaring at Uzumaki Gamu, the Kaguya leader left after the others!
With the dispute over and the Kaguya fleeing like dogs, the other ninja clans dispersed on their own. They had only come for the spectacle, so naturally, they had little to say. Of course, watching this battle hadn't been pointless. Anyone with a discerning eye could see the power Uzumaki Gamu had displayed.
Huh? Hadn't he just used a Summoning Technique? What had that demonstrated?
Come on, the Summoning Technique was impressive all by itself! Not everyone could use it!
Besides, early in Naruto, before giant mechs were roaming everywhere, anyone who could summon a summoning beast in actual combat was already a capable expert. Summoning helpless ones like Gamakichi or Gamatatsu didn't count! Anyone who could summon a large summoning beast was a powerhouse. Why were the Sannin so impressive early on? Wasn't it because they could simply slap down a giant summoning beast?
Moreover, Uzumaki Gamu had summoned a talking toad! Clans with inherited knowledge all recognized that he might have a connection to Mount Myōboku.
A connection to a legendary land of ancient teachings meant limitless prospects!
Just then, Hashirama sidled up to Uzumaki Gamu and said, "So you had a move like that? Why didn't you use it before?"
"What would be the point of using a Summoning Technique against one of our own?" Uzumaki Gamu said, speechless. Dropping a summon onto Hashirama's face during their sparring sessions wouldn't exactly serve any training purpose.
Hashirama scratched his head and imagined the feeling of being crushed beneath a falling mountain... He wasn't particularly eager to experience it firsthand!
Of course, that was only true for now. In the future, he would dismantle giant mechs with his bare hands. What would a falling mountain matter then?
After saying that, Uzumaki Gamu turned to the Toad King. "Well, thanks for coming to help. I'll repay you in a little while!"
"No need to say that! Helping my big brother is my duty as your little brother! I'll head back now!" With that, the Toad King disappeared!
Once the toad vanished, the spectators stopped standing around staring and returned to their own business.
After the crowd dispersed, Madara came over and asked, "You weren't late just because you were being lazy, were you?"
Uzumaki Gamu answered, "That's right! It was a tactic... As the ancients said, 'Battle hinges on courage. At the first drumbeat, courage rises; at the second, it wanes; at the third, it is exhausted. Their courage was exhausted while ours remained full, and thus we defeated them.' I repeatedly interrupted him, weakening his momentum. In the end, he could only charge at me like a brute, and I defeated him before he could react!"
After hearing his answer, Madara pondered it. "That makes a lot of sense... Which ancient said that?"
"...I forgot." Uzumaki Gamu answered casually. He couldn't exactly explain who Cao Gui was, could he? To avoid unnecessary trouble, it was better to pretend he didn't know.
Beside them, Hashirama remarked, "I think even if you hadn't done that, you'd still have beaten him in one hit." Hashirama imagined himself in the same situation. Even he wouldn't enjoy being stomped on by that toad, let alone Kaguya Jun, whom he had beaten around like a spinning top.
Hearing that, Madara gave it some thought... That seemed right! Then what had all Uzumaki Gamu's babbling been for? Could it be...
Uzumaki Gamu nodded and answered, "Actually, I was just messing with him."
Madara rolled his eyes, his head aching. I must have lost my mind, thinking so hard about all that!
In any case, the Kaguya withdrew from this mission. After their departure, none of the other ninja clans opposed Uzumaki Gamu's proposal. Following a series of discussions, the Twelve Guardian Ninja were officially established. The utterly irresponsible Uzumaki Gamu wanted nothing to do with the various factions' wrangling, so halfway through the meeting, he slipped away and went home!
Watching Uzumaki Gamu run off just like that, Daigu thought speechlessly, Did this kid only come here for entertainment?
The Daimyo, who had hoped to chat with Uzumaki Gamu, was also deeply disappointed... Why leave in such a hurry? At least let them get acquainted!
-Preparing ninja tools-
The Kaguya leader hurried back to his clan with his nephew and three guards. After telling the servants to tend to their young clan heir, he immediately went to report what had happened in the Capital of the Land of Fire to the clan leader!
After hearing his account, the Kaguya clan leader, Kaguya Wakanori, said angrily, "Jun couldn't even beat the Uzumaki boy? Does that mean our next generation is only stronger than the Hyuga?" What they currently knew was that Madara, Hashirama, and Uzumaki Gamu could all knock Kaguya Jun around like a spinning top. That meant the Kaguya had already fallen behind in the competition between the next generation!
This was not a situation the Kaguya wanted to see!
At that thought, Kaguya Wakanori slapped the bed and said, "Jun is useless!"
"Big brother, it's not that Jun is incapable. Those three children are just too strong!" The leader had personally witnessed that shinobi world version of Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei fighting. Each was more talented than the last. If he were their age, the three of them would knock him around like a spinning top too! (Uzumaki Gamu: Hey, you can't put it that way. I just skipped a few grades. My strength is still within normal human limits. Those other two are the real monsters! Well, I'll probably fill Sakura's role in the future? Wait, I don't want to be shipped with Madara!)
"Reality is cruel. It doesn't care whether you're capable! We know that better than anyone... cough, cough, cough!" Halfway through his words, Kaguya Wakanori suddenly began coughing violently. He even coughed up blood!
The leader immediately stepped forward to check on his older brother. "Big brother, your health..."
"I know... The hereditary disease has worsened. Medicine can only ease the symptoms. My life is already a candle flickering in the wind. Death... heh, that's nothing. But..." Kaguya Wakanori looked at the blood on his palm. In their current situation, how could he die in peace?
Kaguya Wakanori clenched his bloodstained hand into a fist and said, "It seems we can't follow the original plan. Before I die, we must deal a devastating blow to the other major clans. Otherwise... the Kaguya will be held down by those clans for decades to come!" His son had failed to live up to expectations. He had talent but couldn't realize it at all. That meant the other clans would completely suppress them in the near future... and Kaguya Wakanori could not accept that!
...It seemed Uzumaki Gamu's actions had caused the Kaguya to change their original plans and begin taking more aggressive action.
This also meant that Uzumaki Gamu, this little butterfly, had already begun bringing changes to the shinobi world... But what would this flutter of his wings turn the world into?
"..." Faced with his older brother's declaration of resolve, the leader could say nothing. He could only silently clench his fists!
Kaguya Wakanori clenched his fist and said, "Even if I must stake my life on it, I will ensure that our Kaguya Clan prospers forever!"
-Preparing ninja tools-
After returning home, Uzumaki Gamu resumed his leisurely life. Then the New Year arrived-and then the New Year passed!
"How do I put this? It feels like I opened my eyes, closed them... and it was over?" Uzumaki Gamu couldn't help complaining. His daily life was so repetitive that it made time feel as though it had passed in an instant!
"Honestly, this is happening because I have too much free time!" Uzumaki Gamu sighed helplessly. His life now was unchanging: living plus training. Without any entertainment to break things up, life like this was far too boring!
He really wanted something interesting to do... Couldn't they have assigned him a blue robot cat when he reincarnated? That would have made life interesting!
Mito, who was beside Uzumaki Gamu, asked, "Isn't a peaceful life good? It wasn't easy for us to get a life like this. Everyone in the clan really enjoys it."
"There's nothing wrong with a peaceful life, but..." I really want a phone, the internet, soda, and fried chicken! Fried chicken was easy enough, and soda wasn't impossible to make. But phones and the internet... he truly couldn't manage those.
If this were Naruto's era, even without phones, there would still be cinemas. At least I could watch a movie or something. Now I'm so bored, all I can do is count stars at night... Should I just set off on a trip right now?! Bored out of his mind, Uzumaki Gamu was already considering running off immediately to explore the outside world!
But when he remembered that every other country was in the same goddamn wartime era as the Land of Fire, and he wouldn't see anything interesting even if he left, it felt incredibly frustrating!
In the end, he could only sigh from the bottom of his heart. "Ah... Why was I born in this fucked-up era?"
Mito looked at her second older brother. Why had he suddenly said that? Was he acting crazy again?
After his lament, Uzumaki Gamu readjusted his mood and told Mito, "Enough about that crap... I'm making fried chicken. Want some?"
"Fried chicken? We need to keep the clan's chickens for their eggs. How are you going to make it?" Mito asked curiously.
"I'll go catch a bird to eat!" Uzumaki Gamu answered. They were all birds and beasts, so the taste should be similar. If necessary, he could hypnotize himself with genjutsu and tell himself it was chicken! Then it should taste about the same!
But... was that really an appropriate use of genjutsu?
Although Mito doubted whether it would taste good, her second older brother might not be reliable in other matters, but he could absolutely be trusted when it came to cooking. So she waited eagerly for the delicacy to be created.
However, just as Uzumaki Gamu was about to head outside to hunt, his oldest brother appeared with the Body Flicker Technique yet again.
Looking at Daigu, who had suddenly appeared, Uzumaki Gamu quipped, "Big brother, you're a little early this time. I haven't even brought back the ingredients yet."
"Uh... Isn't that a good thing? At least I haven't interrupted your meal." Daigu scratched his head awkwardly.
"Well, that's true... So, another mission?" Uzumaki Gamu guessed, following the usual pattern.
Daigu nodded. "Yes... Let's go to Father first."
Uzumaki Gamu followed Daigu to Ashina's room, where Ashina told him about the mission.
Uzumaki Gamu asked in confusion, "The Senju want us to send people to help them in a ninja clan war? The New Year only just ended, and they're already going to war?"
Ashina nodded. "Yes... It's a little earlier than usual this year, but there's no choice. The Uchiha have begun moving."
Daigu explained further. "According to the news we received from the Senju... the Uchiha recently launched a surprise attack on one of their mines and have already occupied it. That mine is the primary source of the metal the Senju use for their ninja tools. They can't possibly surrender it to the Uchiha!"
"So they're going to fight a shinobi war to take their territory back? Against the Uchiha..." Uzumaki Gamu sighed helplessly. Fighting the Uchiha meant fighting Madara... Honestly, Uzumaki Gamu didn't really want to!
Uzumaki Gamu truly had a grudge against either the Uchiha or the Senju, so he had no desire whatsoever to fight his two good friends.
But there was no helping it. At this stage, none of the three had much say within their clans or the authority to decide anything. Until they had the strength to freely choose what they wanted to do, they would have to fight one another, even if they didn't want to.
Ashina said, "This sudden Uchiha attack was clearly planned long in advance. The two clans were already about equal in strength, so with one prepared and the other unprepared, the Senju suffered a major loss."
"So that's why they've asked us for help?" Uzumaki Gamu nodded in understanding. "Then... Dad, are you planning to send support?"
"Exactly!" Ashina nodded. "The Uzumaki and the Senju now advance and retreat together! We can't ignore the Senju when they're in trouble. After all... without the lips, the teeth grow cold!"
"Understood. I'll take part in this mission!" Uzumaki Gamu accepted the assignment. Next came a battle against the Uchiha!
Would he win?
Uzumaki Gamu, who looked much like Satoru Gojo except for his red hair, answered, "I'll... I'm not setting a death flag before battle!" (Did anyone notice? The cover was edited from Satoru Gojo! That's right, Uzumaki Gamu actually looks like a red-haired Satoru Gojo-apart from his eyes, of course. Uzumaki Gamu's eyes aren't the Six Eyes yet.)
Before you continue