The scarf

Fan Jin hung the scarf back up on the balcony and was rather quiet when he went to bed.

Although he had never been much of a talker, Shan Ye could tell he was in a bad mood. Fan Jin lay on his back without reaching out to hold him as he had the past few nights. Shan Ye nestled into his arms on his own, and Fan Jin didn't push him away, but the hand resting on his waist never tightened.

Shan Ye knew something was weighing on him. He wanted badly to ask what it was, but with Fan Jin's temperament, he certainly wouldn't talk about it if he could keep it bottled up.

The next afternoon, Shan Ye drove to the mall after work. He had promised to buy him a new one, and he couldn't go back on his word. He went to LV first and spent a long time choosing at the scarf counter. In the end, he picked a dark gray cashmere scarf, soft to the touch and just right for Fan Jin.

He glanced at the price tag. Sure enough, it wasn't cheap, and the cost stung a little, but he paid without hesitation.

At checkout, he took the old scarf out of his bag and asked the sales assistant whether it could be repaired.

The sales assistant looked at it and shook her head politely. "This scarf is so old that the yarn comes loose very easily. And the stitching isn't particularly good, either. It would be very difficult to restore it exactly as it was."

Shan Ye put the scarf back in his bag, thanked her, and left.

He then drove to the old part of town. Only after calling his mother did he learn that roadside stalls offering tailoring services could mend it, though he would have to look in the alleyways.

He parked at the entrance to an alley and searched them one by one. After asking several people, he finally found an elderly woman at a corner.

The elderly woman sat on a little stool, wearing reading glasses, with an old-fashioned sewing machine in front of her. Shan Ye crouched down and handed her the scarf. "Ma'am, could you see if this scarf can be repaired?"

She took it, turned it over to examine it, and felt the stitches. "This will have to be unraveled and knitted again. I don't think I can finish it today."

Shan Ye looked at the sky. It was almost dark. He felt a little anxious, but patiently said, "Could you have it repaired by tomorrow, then? I'll pay you a little extra. Sorry for the trouble."

The elderly woman nodded. "All right. I'll work a little late tonight. Come pick it up tomorrow afternoon."

Shan Ye thanked her over and over and left the scarf with her.

That evening, Shan Ye returned home, full of apprehension.

He placed the new LV scarf on the coffee table and waited for Fan Jin to come back. When he heard the lock turn, he sprang up from the sofa and ran to the entryway to greet him.

Fan Jin changed his shoes and looked up at him, his gaze cool.

Shan Ye hugged him anyway and asked, "Tired today?"

"No." Fan Jin stroked his hand.

Shan Ye took him by the hand and led him to the coffee table, then offered him the orange bag, his eyes shining. "Fan Jin, take a look. Do you like it? I spent ages picking it out."

Fan Jin glanced down at the logo on the bag and paused. "Why did you buy this?"

"I promised I'd buy you a new one. Hurry up and see if you like it." Shan Ye lifted the bag in his hand again, prompting him to open it.

Fan Jin took it and pulled out the scarf, its cashmere fabric black and white. He nodded. "I like it."

There wasn't much emotion in his voice, but Shan Ye knew he wasn't just humoring him. Still, Fan Jin's tone carried an indefinable politeness, as though he were accepting a gift rather than something with memories attached.

He didn't know whether this scarf could make up for his mistake. He only wanted Fan Jin to feel a little happier.

He stood there like a child who had done something wrong, suddenly at a loss.

Fan Jin put the scarf away and turned toward the balcony. He wanted to fetch the old scarf.

The balcony was empty.

He turned back to look at Shan Ye. "Where's that scarf?"

Shan Ye pressed his lips together. "I-I took it to be repaired. It won't be ready until tomorrow." He was terribly nervous.

Fan Jin frowned.

He didn't want it repaired. He didn't want anything about that scarf to change. It was as old as a scarf could possibly be, with crooked stitches and frayed ends, but his mother had knitted it. She had made it for him the winter before she passed away. It was the last thing she had left him.

Although Fan Jin hadn't taken the scarf out in years, he had always remembered that a rather unattractive scarf lay tucked away at the very bottom of his wardrobe.

So he had instinctively dug it out for Shan Ye to wear. He hadn't expected this to happen, but he couldn't possibly blame Shan Ye. If anyone was to blame, it was himself for attaching too much importance to it.

The scarf had long since lost its ability to keep anyone warm. It wasn't much use, only a keepsake. He missed his mother a little.

Fan Jin opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw Shan Ye's wary expression, he swallowed the words. Without a sound, he turned and went back to the bedroom.

Shan Ye stood in the living room, watching his lonely retreating figure, and felt as though a piece of his heart had been gouged out.

He didn't know what he had done wrong, but he knew he had done something wrong.

He wanted to follow and ask, but he didn't dare. He was afraid that if he asked, Fan Jin might say something he couldn't handle. He didn't even know why that scarf mattered so much to Fan Jin.

He sat in the living room for quite a while before slowly making his way into the bedroom. Fan Jin was already lying down, his back to him and the covers pulled up to his shoulders.

Shan Ye climbed quietly into bed and turned off the light.

In the darkness, he watched Fan Jin's back for a long time.

He thought they needed to find a chance to have a proper talk. Fan Jin didn't like talking or expressing himself. Shan Ye liked both, but more than anything, he was afraid of making Fan Jin sad.

The next day, Shan Ye went to work on his own. Fan Jin went to the café alone, too.

Neither of them messaged the other.

That afternoon, Shan Ye went to collect the scarf from the elderly woman. She had repaired it beautifully. The stitches were neat, and there was almost no sign that it had been unraveled. He inspected it several times, and only after confirming that it looked much the same as before did he feel a little better. He carefully folded the scarf and put it in a bag.

That evening, Fan Jin came home.

When he opened the door, the apartment was dark. There were no lights, no footsteps, and no warm embrace when he stepped into the entryway.

He changed his shoes and switched on the living room light. Shan Ye hadn't come over today.

But he immediately noticed the repaired gray scarf on the otherwise empty coffee table, folded neatly. Beside it lay a note.

Fan Jin picked it up.

It was written in Shan Ye's neat handwriting:

"Fan Jin, I got the scarf repaired. I specifically asked the elderly woman to make it look as close to the original as possible. Luckily, I checked, and it's basically the same. Could you please stop being angry now? T^T

Fan Jin, you didn't speak to me all night yesterday, or smile at me once. I spent the whole night looking at your back. You were so cold. I don't want to keep looking at your back, so I went home tonight.

Go to bed early. Good night, Fan Jin.

I love you."

-Shan Ye.