For You

Song Yixiao's knuckles turned bluish-white against the steering wheel, his abruptly frozen expression reflected in the rearview mirror. The car's air freshener mingled with a lingering scent, clinging to his throat. He heard the distinct click as he swallowed. "What the fuck did you say?"

"Were you really in a meeting last night, or were you sleeping with someone?" Pei Yang's lips curled in a mocking smile, the corners of his eyes wet.

"..." Song Yixiao choked, his eyes full of shock, as though he hadn't registered what Pei Yang was saying.

The light had been green for a while, and the cars behind them began honking. Song Yixiao irritably stepped on the accelerator, his chest rising and falling with unease. Softening his voice, he asked, "Yangyang, did someone tell you something?"

"Who would tell me anything?" Pei Yang didn't want to waste any more breath on this meaningless exchange. He tapped the window with his knuckles and said bluntly, "Around ten last night, at the intersection we just passed, you almost hit me."

Song Yixiao abruptly looked up. Something occurred to him, and his heart began racing. He hurriedly switched on the turn signal and pulled over. The moment the car stopped, he said in a panic, "I-I almost hit you? Are you hurt? It was raining last night, and the road was too dark. I really didn't see you."

"How many times did I call you? Did you answer?" The hands resting on Pei Yang's thighs began to tremble. He pressed his left hand over his right, trying desperately to appear calm. "In all that rain, I watched you disappear right in front of me."

"Yangyang..."

"Shut up!" Pei Yang raised his voice, his eyes slowly reddening. His words sounded hollow and powerless. "Song Yixiao, we've known each other for six years and been together for four. I recognized you from that single second when a streetlight flashed across your window. I was walking on the right side of the road. Your headlights were so bright, you should have been able to see me clearly, right? But you didn't recognize me. Why?"

Song Yixiao snapped back to his senses as though waking from a dream. Pei Yang's words struck him like knives, leaving him momentarily unable to move. His usually eloquent mouth couldn't produce a single word.

"Nothing to say?" Pei Yang sneered. "Then I'll say it for you."

"Because you were in a hurry to get to your date, in a hurry to take her into your arms, in a hurry to please your sugar mommy. So nothing could distract you, not even my calls. Isn't that right, Song Yixiao?"

"I wasn't!" In his panic, Song Yixiao blurted out whatever came to mind. "What sugar mommy? I don't understand what you're talking about."

Pei Yang hated himself for smashing his phone. Otherwise, he could have taken pictures as evidence. If he could throw that evidence in Song Yixiao's face, he could render him speechless, strip him of the confidence to say those two words: "I wasn't."

Pei Yang was exhausted, so exhausted that even speaking drained what little energy he had.

Four years of love died in an instant. Only then did Pei Yang realize that in all six years, he had never truly known Song Yixiao.

"Forget it." Pei Yang's voice was hoarse, the anger from moments earlier gone. "Drive. Take me back. It's still early. I can move out tonight."

"Yangyang!" Song Yixiao reached for Pei Yang's hand, trying to placate him. "Listen to me. I can explain."

"Don't touch me." Pei Yang shook him off and asked bitterly, "What are you going to explain? How you traded your body for this car? Or how you told me you loved me while sleeping with someone else?"

"Do you have to make it sound so filthy?" Song Yixiao roared. "Sleeping with someone, sleeping with someone-you keep saying it. What proof do you have? Can you show me proof that I slept with her?"

"I fucking saw it myself!" Pei Yang felt as though he were suffocating. He struggled to draw two breaths before saying, "You couldn't even wait to kiss her until you were past the hotel entrance. A man and a woman alone in a room-were you just having an innocent chat about life, Song Yixiao?"

Song Yixiao's face instantly drained of color. He hadn't expected Pei Yang to have caught him in the act.

All his stubborn denials now seemed like a joke. Song Yixiao was mortified, his heart quaking.

The tense atmosphere seemed to suck the air out of the car. Their heartbeats could be heard with perfect clarity inside it.

Pei Yang knew a breakup couldn't be conveyed through a simple text. They were bound to have to say it face-to-face, bound to have this fight. He had rehearsed it in his mind all day, and getting it all out in one breath felt surprisingly liberating.

"Song Yixiao, we're done."

Pei Yang pulled at the door. The cold wind outside slipped into his collar, as chilly as the rain that had seeped into him last night.

"Yangyang." Song Yixiao unbuckled his seat belt and wrapped a warm hand around Pei Yang's slender arm, his tone almost pleading. "It's hard to get a cab here. Don't get out. I'll take you home."

The company Pei Yang worked at really was in a remote area. Booking a cab required at least half an hour's notice, and the fare was twice what it cost in the busier parts of town. Pei Yang stopped resisting. After all, he needed to pack and find somewhere to stay before dark.

The drive passed in silence. Neither of them spoke again.

Four years had dissolved into bubbles.

A relationship was hard to begin, yet so easy to end. A single declaration of breaking up meant forcibly tearing apart four years of habits. Pei Yang fought the sting in his nose and kept his head turned away until they reached home.

Home? Song Yixiao had said, "I'll take you home."

But what home did Pei Yang have?

When Pei Yang had been at his most wretched and lonely, Song Yixiao had solemnly sworn to him that he would give him a home.

They had lived together for barely half a year. Pei Yang hadn't even had time to learn what having a home felt like, and already he had to leave.

...When will I finally get to be happy? Pei Yang wondered.

Pei Yang unlocked the door with his fingerprint, then deleted his fingerprint from the lock. Song Yixiao followed behind him and saw the entire thing.

"Woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof!"

Hearing his two owners' footsteps, Xinji came bounding happily out of the bedroom and barked nonstop at Pei Yang's feet.

Pei Yang couldn't bring himself to look at him. He hurried past him into the bedroom, dragged the empty suitcase out of the corner, and laid it open on the floor, quickly tossing clothes from the wardrobe into it.

Song Yixiao filled Xinji's bowl with dog food as usual. Xinji bounced around happily, then began gobbling it down once given permission. Song Yixiao stroked his soft fur for a while, exhaled, and walked to the bedroom door with heavy steps.

Watching how efficiently Pei Yang packed, Song Yixiao felt as though his body were bleeding.

"Pei Yang, are you really this heartless?" he asked, his lips trembling. "You won't even hear me out?"

Pei Yang didn't so much as raise his head. His hands moved a little faster.

"Pei Yang!" Furious, Song Yixiao strode forward and gripped Pei Yang's shoulders with both hands. "Will you listen to me?"

"What do you want to say?" Pei Yang looked at him. "Song Yixiao, no matter how prettily you dress up what happened last night, you cheated. That's a fact. I'm not that forgiving."

"Cheated, cheated! Can you fucking stop saying that word?" Song Yixiao snarled. "Pei Yang, what right do you have to be angry? What right do you have to break up with me? Do you know that everything I did was for you? So you could have a better life, for our future!"