"Wade, where are you? Didn't we agree to go do good deeds together? How come you disappeared after just two days?"
There was a hint of exasperation in Lin Ze's voice over the phone. He had known Wade's enthusiasm wouldn't last.
"Oh, sweetheart, I didn't really want to leave you, either. But what have we even done these past two days? Huh? Helped old ladies cross the street, picked wildflowers for artsy young women, and found some worker's lost keys."
"Let's not even talk about the old lady who took the chance to grope my ass. That young woman who insisted you find flowers for her clearly had ulterior motives. I could spot a flower in the time it took me to take a piss, but she just had to make you find them. How blind could she possibly be?"
Wade was curled up inside the yew coffin Hu Tao had custom-made for him, yawning as he complained to Lin Ze. "And then there was that brain-dead worker. I found his fucking keys four times in two days, and every single time, he'd left them in the exact same place. What, does his memory reset at a specific time? How could he still not remember?"
"Baby, this is a complete waste of our precious time and lives."
He curled his lip, then rolled over in his "bed."
"It'd be one thing if they persuaded me with money to do these trivial little errands, but look at what they gave us in return!"
"A few apples, a few flowers-and we'd just picked those ourselves. How shameless can you get?"
"The worst was the one who offered a kiss. Goddamn, sweetheart, French-kissing a hundred-year-old is something you absolutely do not want to experience."
Lin Ze, on the other end of the phone: