"Wade Wilson, Deadpool Gundam, launch!"
He must have been possessed by something nasty. First he blurted out that embarrassing line, then he made whooshing noises as he ran out from cover.
The river was as calm as ever. Wade jumped in, intending to wade across.
In his ideal plan, he would flip the bear off. That would make it angry enough to charge him.
With both of them running, they should meet in the middle of the river. Then he would slide under the bear and gut it, letting the current carry away the blood and organs without staining his new clothes.
A perfect plan.
But without the Plot Rationality Gem, things didn't always go the way he imagined.
"Charge! Kill! Glug, glug, glug."
Dagger in his right hand and middle finger raised on his left, he charged toward the opposite bank with a battle cry. Then he sank.
The river was much deeper than he had expected. It swallowed him whole, leaving only a trail of bubbles rising to the surface.
The bear on the far bank scratched its ear and turned toward the river, bewilderment in its eyes. It thought it had heard something and felt a sudden, inexplicable surge of anger.
But when it turned around, why was there nothing there?
Never mind. It had fish to inspect. It needed to pick a nice fat one.
Hidden in the bushes behind Wade, Su Ming sighed. He'd known his cousin would do something like this. Still, it didn't matter. Wade could run along the riverbed instead. Diving and swimming were required skills for a mercenary.
But would Deadpool really do what Su Ming expected?
Of course not. Water churned in the middle of the river, and Wade burst out. Striking a classic Marilyn Monroe pose, he launched into