"The wind's a little noisy today. In my experience, that means we'll run into enemies soon."
Heading north, Deadpool had walked until his calves cramped, yet he still found nothing of value. But his mouth never stopped moving as he rambled incessantly to The Nonexistent Audience:
"Many of you probably think Cousin is good at dealing with giant monsters, but I'm no slouch either. I've got a perfect strategy, and I'll teach it to you now. When you encounter a giant monster, first slide-tackle it to seize the initiative. Then you can use the chance to gut the enemy. That means you've already won half the battle. Once its guts are all over the ground, fart into its empty abdominal cavity, and it'll definitely die on the spot."
As he talked, his restless hands gestured in front of him, miming the angle at which to strike with a blade and how to pull out the intestines and tie them into knots.
As he got more excited, spit flew everywhere, and his rotten face was filled with a grin.
But just then, a huge monster suddenly burrowed up from a damaged depression in the street ahead.
It was a nightmare-like, glossy black shape. Its amorphous body gave off a foul stench as it wriggled and flowed forward.
It looked like melted asphalt, yet it was also a shapeless, swollen mass of primordial protoplasm, glimmering faintly.
Tens of thousands of pus-like eyes emitting green light continuously formed and dissolved across its surface. Vine-like tentacles fused together and split apart again and again as they danced wildly through the air, revealing a strange rhythm humans could neither understand nor describe.
"See? What did I tell you?" Deadpool turned his head and flashed a crooked smile. As though possessed by a god of war,