Kitchens had always been dating shows' romantic battlegrounds, and this time was no exception.
Xie Mi and Shen Yeqing were supposed to be in charge of dinner, but Xiao Jingxi came over to join in, too.
"Anything I can help with?" He walked up to Xie Mi with what he thought was a charming smile.
"No."
It was Shen Yeqing who spoke. He stepped between Xiao Jingxi and Xie Mi, separating them, and said with a faint smile, "I'm all she needs."
Now that had a double meaning.
Xiao Jingxi's face turned green. He pressed his lips together and tried to go around Shen Yeqing.
But whenever he stepped left, Shen Yeqing stepped left. Whenever he stepped right, Shen Yeqing stepped right. His defense was airtight.
Xie Mi looked back at the sight and immediately rolled her eyes.
"Are you two dancing the Waltz of Love now?"
[Hahahahaha, that mouth on Ms. Xie.]
[Now this is the male rivalry I came for! So satisfying!]
[Wait, is Xiao Jingxi actually into Xie? After all that ugly news about them before, doesn't he feel awkward?]
[Oh, come on. All those ridiculous rumors came from brainless fans. Those two never had any actual beef. If Xiao Jingxi's earlier interactions with Xu Shuangrong were just to promote their drama, then he's single. What's awkward about a single male guest pursuing a single female guest on a dating show?]
[Whatever, I just love watching a romantic showdown. Xie deserves it!]
While Shen Yeqing and Xiao Jingxi danced over there, Xie Mi had already started on the actual work.
Recalling the recipe from the original novel, she heated oil in a pan, stir-fried the scallions and ginger, added the mushrooms and fried them until fragrant, then poured in water to simmer them, reduced the sauce over high heat, and finally threw the whole thing out, pan and all.
What a thoroughly exhilarating cooking session.
"Let me."
Shen Yeqing tied a black apron around his waist and rolled up his sleeves, revealing a stretch of fair wrist. In an orderly fashion, he sliced the ingredients, put them in the pan, seared them, and stir-fried them. Finally, he leisurely sprinkled on shredded cheese and plated the dish.
It was absolutely perfect.
If only that plate of creamy stewed mushrooms hadn't been black.
"That's incredible."
Looking at the dish, Xie Mi exclaimed with heartfelt admiration, "You didn't put in a single black ingredient, yet you managed to turn white cream black. In a way, aren't you a genius, too?"
"You're too kind." Shen Yeqing showed no modesty whatsoever.
Xiao Jingxi, who had just returned after Shen Yeqing sneakily splashed water on him and forced him to change clothes, froze at the sight of the dish.
"What is this?"
Xie Mi said, "Mushrooms stewed in squid ink. Try some."
Xiao Jingxi chuckled inwardly, thinking that Xie Mi clearly still had feelings for him.
He confidently walked over, forked up a piece, and put it in his mouth. As he chewed, his expression grew strange.
"What... is this supposed to taste like?"
Shen Yeqing leaned languidly against the kitchen counter, his tone casual.
"If it's sweet, that's normal. If it's salty, that's abnormal."
Xie Mi added, "If it's poisonous, that's fatal."
At that, Xiao Jingxi grabbed the trash can and retched into it.
[What did we do to deserve two kitchen killers in one place?]
[Okay, okay. Each looks more professional than the other, and each makes something more lethal than the other.]
[Xiao Jingxi: I'm so blessed to have you both.]
In the end, the two stood face-to-face, looking up recipes on their phones. After several methods all ended in failure, Xie Mi asked gravely,
"Have you, perhaps, ever tried mushroom sashimi?"
Shen Yeqing declined with a smile. "Spare me."
In the very, very end, they resorted to the most primitive method: boiling sliced mushrooms in water and serving them with seasonings in assorted flavors.
Didn't that count as a meal with plenty of variety?
When the food reached the table, Xie Mi patted Qiu Chengye's shoulder and said solemnly, "I'll never say your cooking looks like a table full of shit again. When it comes to cooking skills, you have to admit your limits."
Qiu Chengye, who had caught a stray insult out of nowhere, went, "?"
"A light dinner is good for your health." Liu Woxing spoke up at just the right moment to smooth things over. "It's getting late. Let's all sit down and eat."
Everyone picked up their chopsticks.
Fortunately, while the food was bland, it didn't quite qualify as a culinary abomination. No flavor was better than the flavor of shit. They all accepted their fate.
As they ate, Xie Mi noticed something was wrong.
"Xiao Jingxi, is something bothering you? Why are you taking a shit in the dining room?"
Only then did everyone notice that Xiao Jingxi was squatting on his chair.
He stared blankly into the air, pinching at it with both hands as though trying to catch something.
Uh-oh...
Looking at the mushrooms on the plate, Xie Mi began to suspect something was off.
"Hey!"
Qiu Chengye suddenly leaped three feet into the air and bellowed, "Why aren't you kneeling before your emperor?"
"Pfft-!!"
Director Niu sprayed out the entire mouthful of water he had just taken.
What the hell are you spouting?!
[?????????]
[Holy crap, why's this guy talking nonsense?]
[I knew Young Master Qiu would snap sooner or later. With that arrogant, domineering personality of his, being kept in check by Xie Mi for so long must've driven him up the wall.]
"Smack!"
Liu Woxing sprang up and slapped Qiu Chengye hard across the face. "Shut up! You painfully average, overconfident man! A little family money and you think you're hot shit. Well, that's a real eye-opener-a knife to the ass!"
"Boo-hoo-hoo..." After being slapped, Qiu Chengye covered his face and began to cry.
Liu Woxing rolled her eyes and plopped back into her chair. Holding a chopstick between two fingers, she took a deep drag.
"Cry, cry, cry! You're crying away all this family's good fortune!"
[...?]
[Girl! Girl, what's wrong? Why have you gone crazy too, girl?!]
[Holy crap... is filming this show that intense? Even my sweet-tempered Woxing has been driven insane.]
Only Xie Mi knew that Liu Woxing hadn't been driven insane.
Her true nature had simply come out.
Yes.
In private, Liu Woxing both smoked and drank.
Wait, no.
Why were subtitles appearing underneath Liu Woxing when she spoke?
Thinking she had seen wrong, Xie Mi couldn't help squinting for a closer look. But the scene before her eyes grew more and more distorted...
"Stop eating! The food's poisoned!!"
Xie Mi violently flipped the table, grabbed a banana, and bounded toward the living room on all fours. "I saw who poisoned it! Don't you run, you little shit! I'll stab you to death with this banana!!!"
The assistant director, who found himself being chased by her for no apparent reason, bawled as he ran.
"Help! Somebody help!!!"
Shen Yeqing said, "..."
He looked at the pot of mushrooms overturned on the floor, thought for a few seconds, then asked, "Where did you say these mushrooms were shipped from?"
Xu Shuangrong said, "Cloud City."
"I remember that region's specialty is wild mushrooms."
"..."
Mystery solved: mass mushroom poisoning.
A few minutes later, Shen Yeqing and Xu Shuangrong began developing symptoms, too.
And so the entire scene transformed.
Some ran wildly around the place, some sobbed, some smoked and drank, and some pounded the floor...
[Ah, it's been ages since I've watched a show this unhinged.]
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