I Really Want to Make Him Cry

"So, who exactly are you?" Madara Uchiha asked, his expression hard and his tone unfriendly.

The bowl-cut boy, Hashirama Senju, said helplessly, "My name is Hashirama. As for my surname, I can't tell you for certain reasons."

Can't give his surname, huh?

A ninja?

Madara Uchiha closed his eyes briefly. Finally, he took a deep breath, turned around, and said, "Watch carefully. I'll definitely get it this time."

Madara Uchiha habitually rolled up his right sleeve. It was an automatic gesture, and as he threw the stone, he unconsciously adopted an unusual stance.

Hashirama Senju watched intently.

As Madara Uchiha threw the stone, Hashirama Senju narrowed his eyes.

That hand movement...

Just as I thought... Shurikenjutsu.

As Hashirama Senju thought this, the stone Madara Uchiha had thrown once again went "tap, tap, tap, tap-plop..."

Ah...

He failed...

Those were Hashirama Senju's inner thoughts.

Madara Uchiha held his throwing pose, while Hashirama Senju remained in his watching pose.

A quiet silence... enveloped everything around them.

Having seen the result, Hashirama Senju was trying to find some comforting words...

At that very instant!

"You bastard! I told you, it's because you're so damn distracting! You dressed like that on purpose, didn't you?"

Madara Uchiha felt as though a demon inside him had awakened and borrowed his body to roar in anger.

"Uh..."

Hashirama Senju's expression instantly crumpled.

Whoa, this guy looks so refined, but he's terrifying when he's angry!

Before Hashirama Senju could make a sound, Madara Uchiha spoke again.

Madara Uchiha continued accusing him, "I'm sensitive, okay? The kind who can't pee when someone's standing behind him!"

What should I do in a situation like this?

Obviously... apologize right away!

It doesn't matter who's right or wrong. Just apologize! Apologize!

"S-sorry..." Hashirama Senju abruptly slumped to the ground, looking utterly dejected and as pitiful as an abandoned puppy.

Hashirama Senju looked far too pitiful.

It made the roaring Madara Uchiha feel inexplicably guilty.

"Hey... you don't have to look that devastated, do you?" Madara Uchiha felt the demon that had just awakened inside him fall asleep again.

Hashirama Senju remained silent, utterly downcast.

Madara Uchiha covered his face and finally couldn't help saying, "Sorry. I shouldn't have..."

But something Madara Uchiha hadn't expected happened before he could finish.

Hashirama Senju hugged his knees as though he had suffered the greatest injustice in the world, yet what came out of his mouth was, "This is unbelievable. You've even got such a terrible compulsion. That's so sad. I'm telling you, you really need to fix that."

Madara Uchiha: "..."

I really want... to make him cry!

Hidden beneath his sleeve, Madara Uchiha's left hand clenched and relaxed, clenched and relaxed. At any moment, he might drive his fist into Hashirama Senju's face.

Just as Madara Uchiha was preparing his next retort, Hashirama Senju spoke again.

Hashirama Senju said with complete seriousness, "I'm telling you, you really need to fix that, or you could easily die from holding in your pee and poop."

"Holding it in... until I die?" Madara Uchiha mulled over the words, unable to understand what Hashirama Senju meant for a moment.

Couldn't I just find somewhere with no one around to pee?

Could someone really die from holding their pee?

As though recalling some horrifying experience, Hashirama Senju hurriedly said, "Yeah! Let me tell you about my little sister..."

Hashirama Senju began recounting his miserable experiences of being chased around the house by his lunatic little sister for nearly half a year.

With terror written all over his face, Hashirama Senju described how, after their mother died, his little sister had begun popping out of inexplicable places like an evil spirit.

His little sister was simply everywhere.

Sometimes it was the outhouse, sometimes a room, sometimes the rafters... there was nowhere his little sister couldn't go.

Sometimes, after merely spacing out for a moment, he would look up to find his beautiful, adorable little sister somewhere overhead, giving him a terrifying, backlit smile.

Hashirama Senju declared that if he were like Madara Uchiha, he would probably have died long ago from being unable to pee.

Even while "bad-mouthing" his little sister, Hashirama Senju kept looking around like a startled bird.

Only after failing to spot his little sister did Hashirama Senju relax a little.

"...You're saying that ever since your mother died of an illness, your little sister has been afraid you'd leave her like your mother did, so she follows you everywhere? She's scared you'll die in an accident, so she trails after you no matter what you're doing, and even when you go to the toilet, she checks that you're still there through the door and makes you talk to her? She uses your voice to make sure you're still alive?"

Madara Uchiha folded his arms and gave Hashirama Senju a strange look.

It was his first time hearing of anything so bizarre.

After hearing the description, Madara Uchiha suspected that Hashirama Senju's little sister had developed mental problems after their mother's death.

Hashirama Senju sighed and said, "Yeah..."

Madara Uchiha snorted. "How pitiful. Good thing my little brother isn't like that." Otherwise, he really would die from holding it in.

No, Madara Uchiha thought that if Izuna were that neurotic, he would simply turn around and pee straight onto the boy.

But Hashirama Senju obviously couldn't do that, because the one following him was his little sister.

You're afraid I'll die, but you're making me hold my pee until I die. What kind of nonsense is that?

Then Madara Uchiha lowered his voice considerably and asked cautiously, "You... don't tell me you came here to hide from your little sister..."

Hashirama Senju made a terrified shushing gesture. "I finally managed to get out for a breather. I had my little brother watch her so I could get some fresh air."

Madara Uchiha wore a complicated expression.

Although Hashirama Senju described his little sister as a terrifying stalker, she was still his own little sister, after all.

Madara Uchiha furrowed his brow. "So you have a little brother too? Why doesn't your little sister follow him? Why does it have to be you?"

As he spoke, Madara Uchiha's gaze swept up and down Hashirama Senju.

He couldn't shake the feeling that Hashirama Senju was showing off... but Madara Uchiha had no proof.

"I don't know either!" Hashirama Senju frantically clawed at his hair and stood up from the ground, looking utterly exasperated. "Stop talking about my little sister! Let's skip stones! Skip stones! I'm better than you!"

Hearing this, Madara Uchiha snapped irritably, "You must run your mouth so much that heaven sent your little sister to put you in your place, huh?"

Hashirama Senju said in all seriousness, "Anyway, I'm better at skipping stones than you. That's a fact."

That single remark infuriated Madara Uchiha so much that he pointed at Hashirama's nose and shouted, "Shut up! Want me to skip you across the water instead?"

At that, Hashirama Senju slumped to the ground again, hugging his legs dejectedly and trembling.

He slipped into that state instantly, as though he had practiced it for a long time.

Madara Uchiha: "..."

Again?

Hashirama Senju's dejected act was remarkably convincing. Was this some strange secret technique?

It made hitting him feel like too much trouble.