Cynthia's love

Night fell.

Standing at the entrance to the second floor, gazing out at the sea, Caitlin turned toward the sound of someone approaching behind her.

"Kaim, it's unusual for you to address me like that."

"Is that bad?"

With Little Black perched on his head as though riding piggyback, Kaim made a face as Caitlin stood beside him.

"Not bad. Just a little unusual."

"True. This is probably the first time I've actually called just you out here, Caitlin."

"Let's get down to business. We're planning to have a girls' gathering afterward."

"You're certainly keeping busy every night."

"There are lots of things I want to ask Miss Cynthia."

"Don't overdo it."

"Yes."

That morning, Kaim had realized what he had been missing in his battle with Iris. He couldn't do anything to overcome it alone. It wasn't a matter of technique or physical ability, but of his heart. Even Kaim knew that simply worrying wouldn't solve anything.

"You're perceptive, and willing to help."

"Simply put, what you lack is confidence. What do you want from me?"

"I heard from Cynthia that you used to have trouble controlling your psychic powers, Caitlin. Is that right?"

He thought that hearing how Caitlin had controlled psychic powers far more difficult to handle than his own might give him a clue to correcting his bad habits.

"Yes. I hated losing even more than I do now. Perhaps that was why my powers would run wild whenever I lost a battle. I couldn't sleep at night. It was terribly frustrating..."

Her powers had gone out of control, hurting not only herself but those around her. As a result, she had been forbidden to battle until she mastered them. Even after becoming the mistress of the Battle Castle, she could only watch, not battle. It frustrated her, and she had wanted to run away again.

"Looking back, I was still a child."

"Well, you really were a child at that age."

"Yes, that's true. I was young once, too."

"And?"

"Because I hated losing, what frustrated me most was losing without getting to fight at all."

If she could enjoy the battle itself, then even if she lost, she could feel that she had at least enjoyed herself first. That would make her less likely to lose control. Of course, since she hated losing, she couldn't eliminate her frustration, but she could lessen it.

The sea breeze stirred their hair. Caitlin used her psychic powers to keep hers from becoming disheveled.

"It was Miss Cynthia's suggestion. She taught me how much fun battling could be, and how much depth there was to it."

"Just like Cynthia."

"Yes. Of course, I couldn't do it right away. I still lacked experience."

"And that young lady is now one of the Elite Four?"

"Yes. I worked very hard. It wasn't until about a year after I started trying that I truly began to enjoy battling. During that time, I gradually came to understand its appeal. Still, I did manage to get my powers under control."

Caitlin had learned to control her emotions because repeated effort, victories, and defeats had accustomed her to battling and its outcomes. By communicating with her Pokémon, she had come to understand that she was a Trainer and become less emotional. As a result, her powers almost never ran wild anymore.

"After I became the mistress of the Battle Castle, I finally understood the true joy of battling."

"True joy?"

"You can't understand it yet. You need real strength to enjoy it. You still don't understand what real strength is, so you can't understand that joy."

Just as Caitlin said, Kaim had yet to discover the true joy of battling. Besides being poor at it, he knew he didn't enjoy it as much as they did. With so many highly skilled people around him, he was acutely aware of his own immaturity.

"Is it fun?"

"Yes. Especially when your intentions and your Pokémon's align completely, and your teamwork is perfect."

"That sounds nice."

Kaim's Pokémon could now sense his intentions, but he had never experienced their thoughts aligning completely or working in perfect harmony during battle. Yet, on reflection, that was only natural. He had begun seriously studying battling about two years earlier, when he was still a university student. In that short time, despite his limited talent, he had reached a level where he could stand on equal footing with Gym Leaders. Coming this far in two years was enough for him.

"Your Little Black seems very motivated, Kaim."

As though affirming Caitlin's words, Tasi and Little Black cried out while tapping Kaim's head with their forepaws.

He had given up and left them alone because they refused to get down, but apparently they liked being together like this.

"Surprisingly eager to fight, isn't your Little Black?"

"Because I like moving my body."

"Hehe. Then you'll have to become the real thing soon."

"No doubt about it."

"I acknowledge that you can grow stronger. I'm certain of it."

"Oh. Thank you."

That was what Caitlin, one of the Elite Four, had said. Kaim felt a powerful desire to somehow change his negative view of himself.

"Since you're the partner of my dear friend Miss Cynthia, you can't leave your abilities half-developed."

"I know."

"And..."

Caitlin murmured, then continued.

"What is it?"

"Don't stop there. Say what you want to say."

"I don't want you telling me that."

"Unfortunately, I've been rather obedient lately."

"Of course."

"What?"

Caitlin sighed as though giving up, then made up her mind.

"I think of Miss Cynthia as an older sister. And I think of you as an older brother, Kaim."

Unlike the way Caitlin usually teased him with a straight face, she said this shyly. Taken aback, Kaim let out a sound before he could stop himself.

"Um... I don't get along very well with my parents. Of course, it's not all bad, and I'm grateful to them. But we really don't have much of a connection. So I can't say we're close."

"Really?"

"That's why, apart from Cochran, hardly anyone has been close to me like family."

Gazing at the sea at night, Caitlin recalled her past. She had received an education befitting a prodigy since childhood, with almost no free time. Her parents talked only about themselves and their abilities. Looking back, her powers had gone out of control whenever she failed partly because she hated losing, but perhaps also because she wanted someone to care for her.

"During that time, I met Miss Cynthia. She was very kind to me. She treated me without worrying about my status, and that made me happy. It was like having an older sister. So, very..."

"Cynthia is a kindhearted person."

"So are you."

"Me too?"

"Yes. You're certainly stiff, unfriendly, awkward, and unremarkable. You're also the sort of person who makes a fuss over little things and nags me when I'm trying to sleep."

"That sounds almost entirely like an insult."

Kaim silently wondered whether she actually intended to praise him, but Caitlin spoke to him again.

"But you're sincere and earnest in how you treat people. Much of what you say comes from concern for me. You seem like a clumsy older brother. That's why I don't want someone I admire to call everything he's built up a waste."

Kaim didn't answer.

In his view, he distrusted and neglected himself because he believed that unless he did so, he couldn't improve.

In fact, after becoming Cynthia's apprentice, he had realized that much of what he had done was unnecessary. That had made him deny himself even more and place greater weight on other people's words.

Yet that behavior wasn't pleasant for those who cared about Kaim and his Pokémon. Besides, not everything he had done had been futile. What he had accumulated over those two years might be small by comparison. Perhaps it was less than that. Perhaps it hadn't been necessary.

But it hadn't been wasted.

If he thought it was a waste, that would mean calling the four years he had spent traveling through the Hoenn Region with Little Black and Blaziken a waste.

He had lost his way.

He had gained little.

His lack of talent had been exposed.

Even so, Caitlin said it hadn't been a mistake, nor had it been wasted.

For his Pokémon, and above all for himself, she asked Kaim not to deny who he was.

"Didn't I tell you? Don't make Cynthia sad."

"I know."

He didn't think being strict with himself was a bad thing, but taking it too far probably wasn't good either. It might not demand much physically, but it took a heavy mental toll.

With that thought, Kaim also looked out at the sea at night.

Only the quiet sound of the waves could be heard.

After hearing Caitlin's story, followed by Shikimi's and Alice's, Kaim took a bath and returned to his room.

"Welcome back."

"Could you stop sitting quietly in my room like that?"

"Isn't it a little late for that?"

"That's true, too."

Kaim said nothing more. Despite his complaint, he didn't seem particularly bothered.

He sat in the provided desk chair and turned to face Cynthia.

"What are you drinking?"

"I got it from Mr. Cochran."

"Coming here was a good idea, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Just as expected."

He accepted the glass Cynthia handed him and took a small sip.

"How was it, hearing everyone's stories?"

Kaim set the glass on the desk and began to speak.

"There were some differences in how they expressed it, but I think everyone has their own conviction-or rather, pride. They seem to believe in what they've built up so far, and in the person their Pokémon believe them to be."

"That's right. Everyone has something at their core, and they face their Pokémon honestly."

"Cynthia, you must have noticed that I don't trust myself."

"Yes. But please don't misunderstand me."

"I know."

"I believe in you."

"The person I trust most in this world is you, Cynthia. And the person I trust least is myself."

He said it as though it were nothing, but that way of living was profoundly distorted.

How many people in this world had the mental strength to distrust themselves, constantly deny themselves, remain sound of mind, and grow into decent people?

He hadn't been denying himself from the very beginning. Yet having a gifted older sister and people like Steven close to him had led him to this point.

Of course, Kaim himself wasn't at fault, nor were his sisters or Steven. In other words, it was simply bad luck.

"Do you hate hearing me say things like that?"

Kaim spoke as he tilted his glass. Cynthia wasn't particularly fond of negativity. She didn't dislike it so much that she refused to hear it, but he acknowledged that it didn't make her feel good.

Cynthia spoke while stroking the Togekiss beside her.

"It's not that. I do think you're a little too negative, but being able to question yourself properly is also one of your virtues."

At least as a scientist, he needed that way of thinking. Questioning whether his hypotheses and logic were truly correct, then using the necessary evidence to prove them, was essential for a scholar. Kaim could accept other people's words, actions, and reasoning, then turn them into his own reasoning. In that sense, he had a scholar's mind.

"Questioning yourself?"

"Strengths and weaknesses are two sides of the same coin. Being cautious can be a strength, or it can mean you're slow to make decisions. Whether something becomes an advantage or a disadvantage depends on the timing and circumstances."

"...I see."

"But when it comes to Pokémon battles, your skepticism is a weakness. It doesn't do you or your Pokémon any good."

Pokémon battles required quick, accurate instructions on the spot. Reading the opposing Trainer could also decide a match, but generally, victory or defeat came down to the difference in the Pokémon's abilities and the accuracy of their Trainers' commands. In the first place, reading an opponent wasn't necessary unless they were at least Gym Leader level, and even then, it wasn't always needed.

"Caitlin told me she didn't want someone she admired to put himself down. I think my Pokémon must feel the same way."

He tilted his glass, poured in some brandy, and stroked Little Black under the chin as Little Black sat on his lap. Little Black gave a quiet cry, looking pleased. Blaziken, leaning against Staraptor beside him, also let out a soft cry. Staraptor merely yawned, and Lucario, who was meditating, said nothing, but Kaim was sure Lucario felt the same.

"You believe in me."

They believed in Kaim, and that was why they followed him. He should have known that he was someone worthy of their trust, yet he didn't believe it. He looked only at his past, not at those who were with him now.

"Hey, can I ask why you kept quiet about my problem, Cynthia?"

He finished the contents of his glass, poured more liquid from the bottle, and spoke with his head feeling slightly warm.

He was sure knowing the reason would help him in the future. That was what he thought.

"The reason I waited to tell you was that my words wouldn't have conveyed the essence of it. I believed that until you reached this point, you wouldn't understand properly. There's only so much I can tell you. I can explain technical matters as much as you like, but matters of the mind mean nothing unless you recognize them yourself. That's why I didn't tell you until you hit a real wall."

"I see."

Simply doing what someone told you and recognizing something yourself before consciously correcting it produced different results, and left different room for improvement.

Cynthia trained him as both a Trainer and a scholar without compromising either. That was why she hadn't said anything.

It was true that he hadn't noticed it himself. Even if she had told him, he couldn't say whether he would have honestly accepted it. Kaim thought this as he drank his brandy.

"I fell in love with a troublesome man."

"Yes. I don't think it's easy."

Aware of that himself, Kaim shrugged.

Cynthia turned her gaze toward Kaim and spoke clearly.

"But for someone so doubtful, someone who can't trust himself, to keep working hard every day is a remarkable talent in its own right."

Cynthia continued.

"Your current situation isn't anyone's fault. Don't blame yourself by treating it as someone's fault. If you keep doing that, one day you'll come to a standstill."

"Earlier, you said, 'I'm the person I trust least in the world.' But the reason you've been able to keep going is that you believe you're moving slowly but steadily in the right direction, isn't it?"

"I just want to do what I think is right, and live the way I think is right."

Even if he had nothing and achieved nothing, he wanted to live honestly and with dignity. That was all.

"That's good. Trying to live your life the right way, and as a result, you are growing in a positive way. The way you try to live correctly is really wonderful. I've come to like that part of you."

However, Cynthia was fascinated by that way of life.

As long as we are human, we often think that the rule of life is not "correct" but "comfortable." Even Cynthia had times like that. For anyone, such a life was inevitable.

However, Kaim took it for granted to be strict with himself, so he lived on the basis of being correct. Cynthia felt that such a way of life was both noble and beautiful. That might be one of the reasons why I was attracted to Kaim.

Seeing him doing his best even though he was helpless, Cynthia's heart was drawn in.

"Oh, is that so?"

Kaim's reply was faint.

His face was flushed, and his eyes were drooping, presumably from being drunk. Above all, my head was dizzy.

The pace had been quite fast since a little while ago. It seemed you were drinking more than usual. Although it was recommended by Cynthia, Kaim must have had a lot on his mind.

"Yes. Your lifestyle is cool."

"...Too bad."

"For example?"

"Cynthia and Steven and my sister, right?"

After all, his sister's presence was very important and powerful to Kaim. The closest and strongest existence to himself. For the young Kaim, this must have been some kind of so-called "symbol of power."

Cynthia had never met him, but Steven's presence seemed to be an important factor. In fact, Kaim and Steven were the same age, and they interacted quite a bit on their travels. In this case, Kaim spent four years collecting Gym badges, while his friend Steven snatched the championship. I couldn't help but feel inferior and envious.

"Yes. You're jealous."

"I am..."

"I admire him for being able not only to communicate with his Pokémon, but also to fight alongside them and accomplish great feats. Just like a child yearning for a Pokémon trainer, I can't give up that yearning."

"Because it's cool, isn't it?"

"That's your true intention."

Perhaps because he was drunk, his heart was filled with true intentions that he didn't usually say out of his mouth.

Cynthia made Kaim, who was leaning against the desk chair, stand up and sit on the bed next to him.

"I can do it too, I want to tell you, Angie."

"It's okay, you can do it."

Cynthia said, rubbing his back while hugging Kaim's wobbling body. Cynthia listened seriously and accepted Kaim's true intention, which was overflowing like nonsense.

"It's impossible for me... Everyone says that even if I'm a villain, I can do it... I want to look back, I don't want to give up, but I can... I... no matter how hard I try, I can't get stronger... I think I'm thinking that too."

"No. That's not it. You've gotten stronger. The Pokémon know that too."

"Ah... I and Cynthia dared to overcome a lot of things we couldn't overcome before... I'm glad I was with you... Thank you."

"You can overcome any obstacle. It's good to see you trying to change yourself and overcome it. So please love yourself and yourself."

Kaim did not reply. When I looked at her, she had already closed her eyes and was fast asleep.

"Can't you hear me?"

This time, I specially asked Cochran to procure sake to express Kaim's true feelings. Kaim was not honest, so he rarely spoke from the heart like Iris. He seemed to do it a little bit in front of Pokémon, but the words hidden deep in his heart were not spoken.

Even a Kaim like this would sometimes show his true intentions after getting drunk.

She had a troublesome personality and had to use alcohol to express her true feelings, but the person who fell in love with her was none other than Cynthia herself.

"If you can make success a habit, you will grow. You can do it. Let's work hard together."

I put the sleeping Kaim's head on my lap and stroked his head. Umbreon and Blaziken approached the sleeping Kaim. Little Black used Kaim as a pillow, and Blaziken leaned against the bed with his arms crossed.

"Your master will surely become a better trainer than he is now."

Cynthia smiled and gently stroked Little Black's and Blaziken's heads.

"Lord Haimu, Lady Iris said that Lord Shaka has contacted you and wants to visit the Dragonport Immortal Tower."

In the middle of the night, Cochran knocked gently on Kaim's door. The power was on, but there was no response inside. A few hours ago, I gave Cynthia some Brandy, thinking they had all drunk it and fallen asleep, but the door opened from the inside.

Standing at the door was Kaim's Lucario. Lucario didn't say much and turned his gaze to the bed.