The Sorting Hat's ultimate move-Brian admitted he was very interested. The Chamber of Secrets Slytherin alone had left behind was already extraordinary, so surely a hat into which all four Founders had poured their thoughts would produce some kind of super magic, with sound, light, and effects turned all the way up, even more spectacular than Queen and Led Zeppelin at the 1985 Live Aid charity concert?
Just as Brian was waiting expectantly for its next move, the Sorting Hat slowly shifted on the three-legged stool and turned its slit toward him. "Chet Brian, Chet Brian-look, a beautiful hat stands before you, in need of your help. Please come over quickly and put me on your head."
"Me?" Brian paused, pointing at himself in confusion. The Sorting Hat nodded at him, its two forehead-like creases relaxing slightly, its eye-like patches seeming to urge him on.
Brian was puzzled. What does the Sorting Hat's ultimate move have to do with me? Why does it want me to put it on? Bewildered, he stood and rubbed his hair. Smooth and thick, it had absolutely nothing to do with the seborrheic alopecia plaguing Britain's Muggles. He had even washed it before leaving today, so he could first rule out the possibility of "driving Dolores Umbridge away with the stink of filthy hair."
Come to think of it, why does the Sorting Hat know my name? Ah-right. I've visited the Headmaster's Office plenty of times, and this thinking hat has always been sitting on a cabinet there. So it hasn't been asleep all this time, just sitting silently on the cabinet, acting aloof?
Brian found this guess rather funny. In truth, he had always wanted to put the hat on and hear which house it wanted to sort him into. But since it usually